relatively average size 3rd grader being mocked for weight

[Anonymous]

Talk to the teacher and the school counselor. Why are parents so stupid that they don't realize these are the next steps?

[Anonymous]

At this age I would definitely loop his classroom teacher in. Just send an email and state the facts, largely as you have here. See what the teacher has to say.

If he can, the best thing to do is roll his eyes and say “whatever Larlo” or even “oh shut up Larlo”. Trying to throw personal insults back will likely backfire. If he is getting visibly upset that often makes things worse IME. Boys do tend to tease each other a lot, sometimes trading mild insults etc with friends- but this sounds well beyond what that is, and also at too young of an age.

On an unrelated note, in a few years the tables will turn quite dramatically IME (as middle school approaches it tends to be the smaller boys that get teased). Which is terrible as well, of course.

Sorry this is happening to your DS!

[Anonymous]

All kids get teased about something growing up.

The more he gets mad at it, or tries to avoid them, the more the intensity of the teasing will become.

Two ways to deal with teasing. Learn how to tease back and "talk sh#t" as they call it.
Fights and earning respect.

[Anonymous]

You will never be satisfied

[Anonymous]

OP here. I mentioned it to his teacher during a conference on other things. Did not mention names, said it appears to be a pervasive thing in the classroom and asked her to keep an eye on things.

As expected, DS got dragged into counselor and told to turn over names, which he did but only in writing because was nervous.

Kids were called in individually, acknowledged it but said it was friendly "roasting."

One, to his credit, approached DS an hour later at recess totally of own accord, apologized and said thought it was good fun, didn't intend to hurt anyone, felt very badly that he was upset. The other two allegedly told classmates they were no longer his friend. He said they never said this to his face however and have more or less acted normally. All teasing has stopped, he says.

Not a peep from any of other families, whomh I know, so I kinda think maybe they were never contacted? (Which is fine by me, I honestly am not sure we handled appropriately and wanted to give DS strength to end it on his own at his age, by ignoring them, fighting back or just finding others to play with).

[Anonymous]

You need to file a bullying form and follow up with teachers, and if necessary, the Principal.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the update, OP. I seems that the issue is mostly resolved. Hopefully the kids will forget and move on.
In my kids' elementary school, they taught them the Debug technique to confront bullying. It was helpful that was presented more than once. Most kids don't want to be a bully, so it usually stops at the 3rd and 4th step of confronting nicely and then firmly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this stinks. I feel sorry for your DS. I have a similarly sized son. he is 9, and 4'9"/77lbs, though his build is quite lean and muscular, and he's super athletic so he's never been called fat, but he has often been called out by peers for being so much taller and he used to be really self conscious about it. I don't feel badly for telling him that being tall is a positive attribute and that the other boys are jealous because they are short. If it has been going on this long and the teacher doesn't do anything about it, she probably knows and is ignoring it, so you just need to give him whatever tools he needs to feel good about himself. Thankfully the year is more than halfway over.

Someone made fun of your child because he’s an inch or two over the average height? That’s some real nitpicking. No 4’ kids or kids 5’6” in his class to bully?

[Anonymous]

I know that this is pretty much resolved, but I wanted to add my perspective. My youngest is my first boy, and he is 8. I've been SHOCKED at how he and his friends talk to each other. So far, my kid has enjoyed roasting kids back, and hasn't gotten upset about the roasts aimed his way (including some fat comments). He doesn't take stuff personally, and doesn't mean the roasts personally either.

I do think this is something he needs to figure out with his friends, but we talk A LOT about how to know if he has crossed a line with someone when roasting. We also discuss lines that should never be crossed (racial and homophobic slurs mostly, but also have discussed not roasting things people can't change like their nose or glasses, or whatever).

I think it's exhausting, honestly, and expect that not everyone is having these conversations at home, but it's working in the way that he does ask a lot of questions about this stuff, and I think truly tries not to offend his friends/classmates.

The boys seem very herd-oriented, way more than my girls, and so I think they will all have to come to terms with where the lines are, and it seems like the process has a lot of painful bumps.

[Anonymous]

Is he chunky?

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked that you haven't brought this up to the school yet. This is bullying and it needs to stop. Talk to his teacher and the school counselor ASAP. You should have done this right when it started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I mentioned it to his teacher during a conference on other things. Did not mention names, said it appears to be a pervasive thing in the classroom and asked her to keep an eye on things.

As expected, DS got dragged into counselor and told to turn over names, which he did but only in writing because was nervous.

Kids were called in individually, acknowledged it but said it was friendly "roasting."

One, to his credit, approached DS an hour later at recess totally of own accord, apologized and said thought it was good fun, didn't intend to hurt anyone, felt very badly that he was upset. The other two allegedly told classmates they were no longer his friend. He said they never said this to his face however and have more or less acted normally. All teasing has stopped, he says.

Not a peep from any of other families, whomh I know, so I kinda think maybe they were never contacted? (Which is fine by me, I honestly am not sure we handled appropriately and wanted to give DS strength to end it on his own at his age, by ignoring them, fighting back or just finding others to play with).

Glad this worked out for you.