Oh how I long for little kids with little problems!

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post- mom to a junior DD who is in the middle of stressing over choosing classes for next year, ACT/SAT prep, worrying about college stuff and dealing with a big friend issue right now. Makes me sad for her and wish I could make it all better. I miss when the biggest "problem" was that she didn't;t like her bedtime, or didn't like the lunch I packed, or her outfit options...

[Anonymous]

I must be just different bc I’ll take teen problems over little kid problems any day. I can leave whenever I want, my kids can make their own food and put themselves to bed.

I have noticed that those of us parents who struggled parenting little kids are having an easier time with teens and vice versa. I think parenting teens is harder for people who like structure and control. Teens are fully formed beings and resist being controlled. If you let go of that idea that they are something to be scheduled and managed, and more that they are their own people already and just need guidance to not do anything too stupid it helps. Get a dog to satisfy that cuddly time consuming part lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must be just different bc I’ll take teen problems over little kid problems any day. I can leave whenever I want, my kids can make their own food and put themselves to bed.

I have noticed that those of us parents who struggled parenting little kids are having an easier time with teens and vice versa. I think parenting teens is harder for people who like structure and control. Teens are fully formed beings and resist being controlled. If you let go of that idea that they are something to be scheduled and managed, and more that they are their own people already and just need guidance to not do anything too stupid it helps. Get a dog to satisfy that cuddly time consuming part lol

Doing well on SATs and the college process require either controlling parents or especially mature teens. So I generally agree, but that part threw me in for a loop because I think generally I was a good parent who adapted to phases. To get better results I should have controlled and managed rather than guided.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP!

While for me it’s easier physically — I’m not up at 5am on weekends with an early-rising toddler ready to go, I’m not hustling kids to soccer practices and games, etc. — the emotional part of it can be tough, with my college kid and my HS kid adult having problems I can’t solve for them. It can be mentally exhausting.

Hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

I miss it, too, though my teen's challenges are severe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this almost daily. How do I accept my situation and move forward?

Nothing crazy, just normal teen attitude/friend drama/college prep/extra curricular stress/etc. I hate all of it and would go back to cuddles and potty training and tantrums over nothing in a heartbeat.

OP, maybe you're a little kid person? If you miss it, you could try teaching pre-school.

OP here. That is literally what I do! I am a 1/2 day preschool teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must be just different bc I’ll take teen problems over little kid problems any day. I can leave whenever I want, my kids can make their own food and put themselves to bed.

I have noticed that those of us parents who struggled parenting little kids are having an easier time with teens and vice versa. I think parenting teens is harder for people who like structure and control. Teens are fully formed beings and resist being controlled. If you let go of that idea that they are something to be scheduled and managed, and more that they are their own people already and just need guidance to not do anything too stupid it helps. Get a dog to satisfy that cuddly time consuming part lol

Maybe they don’t want to be “controlled” but they still want tons of slave labor that they don’t really appreciate, or they mumble a half-hearted thanks because they know you expect it. Rides, money, food prepared, messes cleaned up, laundry done. And yes I have my teens do a lot of this for themselves but I still have to make them. And they are constantly pushing the limit on how far they can take the car, how late they can stay out at night, etc. It mentally exhausting with very little reward. It is the ultimate long game for sure, and that’s hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this almost daily. How do I accept my situation and move forward?

Nothing crazy, just normal teen attitude/friend drama/college prep/extra curricular stress/etc. I hate all of it and would go back to cuddles and potty training and tantrums over nothing in a heartbeat.

OP, maybe you're a little kid person? If you miss it, you could try teaching pre-school.

OP here. That is literally what I do! I am a 1/2 day preschool teacher.

Okay, this made me laugh.

[Anonymous]

The process of gradually turning life over to my teens has been the incredibly hard for me.

But trying really hard to let go - let them call the shots about most things and then they handle the repercussions.

I’m motivated to get them in charge of their own lives now while still in HS.

I have so many parent friends who are crazy-hands-on their teen’s decisions and what they do with their free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this almost daily. How do I accept my situation and move forward?

Nothing crazy, just normal teen attitude/friend drama/college prep/extra curricular stress/etc. I hate all of it and would go back to cuddles and potty training and tantrums over nothing in a heartbeat.

I mean this kindly—none of those things are your situation, they’re your kid’s situation. And yes, I know we feel these things for them—it’s inescapable to a certain extent—but I think if their stress is affecting your wellbeing on a daily basis, just be very mindful that your not ratcheting it up and making things worse. Let out some rope.

Np. Eff off. Concern over your child and their well-being isnt hovering or helicoptering. You can let out rope and still have those feelings.

God, the hands off at 18 crowd are obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

I totally relate to the pushing boundaries plus still wanting to be coddled in some ways thing. It’s actually pretty maddening at times. With ds I have started majorly stepping back. He is nearly 18. I just expect him by 10.30 during the week and for all school work to be done and all good grades. So far so good. I find that if we interact less, we butt heads less tbh. He is difficult and moody plus often ungrateful. I get nice glimpses at times, like yesterday at a family function he really was so gracious and polite, brought a gift unprompted to the relative hosting. So maybe there is hope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must be just different bc I’ll take teen problems over little kid problems any day. I can leave whenever I want, my kids can make their own food and put themselves to bed.

I have noticed that those of us parents who struggled parenting little kids are having an easier time with teens and vice versa. I think parenting teens is harder for people who like structure and control. Teens are fully formed beings and resist being controlled. If you let go of that idea that they are something to be scheduled and managed, and more that they are their own people already and just need guidance to not do anything too stupid it helps. Get a dog to satisfy that cuddly time consuming part lol

I was a previous poster who said every year has gotten easier and easier, and I agree. I’m not a structure and control person. Thus why teens are wonderful for me, and potty training was awful.

[Anonymous]

I’m probably the minority, but I’m finding the teen years easier than the little years. My kids were both very emotional, not always great sleepers, the house was a complete mess. Now, my kids are more emotionally regulated, they are independent and sometimes out of the house and I have some alone time or time with dh (which didn’t happen enough when they were younger), they help more with chores, it’s not all on me and Dh. This quite directly related to the fact that my students are a little on the dorky side and don’t go to the big parties that have drugs and alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Raising kids well is not an easy task. All phases have their ups and downs.

Comparing your situation to those who have it worse is not useful. Life could always be worse. Your feelings are your feelings and don’t let anyone dismiss your feelings because “it could be worse.”

Teen years are tough in different ways than toddler years and also beautiful in different ways. I love having deep conversations with my teens and learning new things from them.

Focus on some of the positives, and know you’re not alone in the difficulties.
Part of your feelings may be the bittersweetness of knowing they will leave home soon. I know I feel that. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DD was in preschool, she went through a phase where any time that she didn’t get her way (told she had to pick up her toys, couldn’t have a treat, etc.), she’d complain that, “This is the worst day of my life!” I’d hug her and tell her that I hoped it was the worst day of her life, that if that was the worst thing that ever happened to her, I’d be a very happy mommy.

how old is she now?