Oh how I long for little kids with little problems!

[Anonymous]

I think this almost daily. How do I accept my situation and move forward?

Nothing crazy, just normal teen attitude/friend drama/college prep/extra curricular stress/etc. I hate all of it and would go back to cuddles and potty training and tantrums over nothing in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

When DD was in preschool, she went through a phase where any time that she didn’t get her way (told she had to pick up her toys, couldn’t have a treat, etc.), she’d complain that, “This is the worst day of my life!” I’d hug her and tell her that I hoped it was the worst day of her life, that if that was the worst thing that ever happened to her, I’d be a very happy mommy.

[Anonymous]

I had the same thought last night when mine was dealing with a pile of homework after a big sports disappointment. The tantrums feel the same as when she was 3 or 4 but my ability to help her through the source of the problem is much more limited.

It’s hard to just sit with the feelings with her, and DH does not do emotional stuff so it all comes to me, and then he gets frustrated and upset because he feels left out but also annoyed.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of older teens and young adults it gets better but not until about 19 for us anyway. Prepare for a marathon. I will also say though - what you do and how you shift as a parent during these years matter A Lot in the formation of an adult relationship with your children. I personally feel it’s these years that are make or break. You will either be close when they are 20 or they will distance themselves from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this almost daily. How do I accept my situation and move forward?

Nothing crazy, just normal teen attitude/friend drama/college prep/extra curricular stress/etc. I hate all of it and would go back to cuddles and potty training and tantrums over nothing in a heartbeat.

I mean this kindly—none of those things are your situation, they’re your kid’s situation. And yes, I know we feel these things for them—it’s inescapable to a certain extent—but I think if their stress is affecting your wellbeing on a daily basis, just be very mindful that your not ratcheting it up and making things worse. Let out some rope.

[Anonymous]

My oldest was born premature, had a global developmental delay, and needed an IEP for K-11th grade for severe ADHD, autism and low processing speed. We had to recenter our entire lives around his needs, which demanded our attention for all his waking hours, apart when he was in school. He worked really, really hard, and got into a nice college. Life will always be a challenge for him, and we will always need to help him.

I have a neurotypical second child, with a chronic physical disease, who has been so much easier to parent. She's an angsty, talking-back teen now, and we need to be vigilant about her disease symptoms, but OP, it's NOTHING compared to what we went through with our oldest. NOTHING.

I don't mean to be that annoying person who points out all the terrible scenarios that you should compare yourself to. But I just want to give you some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Nah, this stage is much harder but I enjoy seeing the young adults get are becoming. It’s harder in a different way, since my worries are more serious with them out driving and hoping they make good choices. I found those potty training years and little kid tantrums so challenging.

I had a nice conversation with my 17 yo last night when he was venting about his 8th grade sibling and the mega teenager tantrums we all just witnessed over something minor. We talked about how he did the same at that age and how much he’s matured and grown this past year. It gets better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of older teens and young adults it gets better but not until about 19 for us anyway. Prepare for a marathon. I will also say though - what you do and how you shift as a parent during these years matter A Lot in the formation of an adult relationship with your children. I personally feel it’s these years that are make or break. You will either be close when they are 20 or they will distance themselves from you.

So what specifically do you recommend?

[Anonymous]

It’s very hard. I have two seniors and there is too much going on…and they are easy generally! College especially actually makes me angry because it requires regressing into a space in which parents have to help so much to get things done at a time when kids should become more independent. Everything is too complicated.

[Anonymous]

I hope you don’t say that to parents of young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this almost daily. How do I accept my situation and move forward?

Nothing crazy, just normal teen attitude/friend drama/college prep/extra curricular stress/etc. I hate all of it and would go back to cuddles and potty training and tantrums over nothing in a heartbeat.

OP, maybe you're a little kid person? If you miss it, you could try teaching pre-school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don’t say that to parents of young kids.

I’m a parent of young kids. We are in the thick of it, exhausted, worn out, barely surviving. And I’m enjoying everyday because I know little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.

[Anonymous]

My kids don't involve me at all in their problems. One just turned 18 and needs to fix something they messed up.
I don't stress about community college. The only extra they have is rugby and I think he just changed the date on the old form when they wanted to see a new medical form.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest was born premature, had a global developmental delay, and needed an IEP for K-11th grade for severe ADHD, autism and low processing speed. We had to recenter our entire lives around his needs, which demanded our attention for all his waking hours, apart when he was in school. He worked really, really hard, and got into a nice college. Life will always be a challenge for him, and we will always need to help him.

I have a neurotypical second child, with a chronic physical disease, who has been so much easier to parent. She's an angsty, talking-back teen now, and we need to be vigilant about her disease symptoms, but OP, it's NOTHING compared to what we went through with our oldest. NOTHING.

I don't mean to be that annoying person who points out all the terrible scenarios that you should compare yourself to. But I just want to give you some perspective.

This. Having tweens/teens withe everyday issues like friend conflicts and hormonal angst means your kids are doing well. Imagine if you had a kid at literally any age who was struggling just to function. There are lots of people with little kids who have problems much bigger than the ones you are now dealing with. And lucky you, you got to have little kids with little problems before.

Also, you will wake up one day and look back on right now and think "we had to so good, why didn't I appreciate it more?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don’t say that to parents of young kids.

I’m a parent of young kids. We are in the thick of it, exhausted, worn out, barely surviving. And I’m enjoying everyday because I know little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.

I am a parent or big kids (late teens) and I’d like to share that every year since they were babies has gotten easier and more rewarding. Knock on wood, there haven’t been “big problems.”