Most schools aren’t pressure cookers parents just add pressure

[Anonymous]

I don’t need to post any data no more than the previous poster who posted their anecdotal data. What I WILL say is that the survey I am familiar with at my child school, indicates otherwise and it does not hold the school harmless. But by all means carry on with your extensive knowledge about every school. For the record it’s extremely frustrating when I encounter people like you who drink the koolaid and attempt to shoot down any argument that attempts to hold schools accountable and make the experience better for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having attended a pressure cooker high school, I can attest that a lot of the pressure to succeed at such a school comes from your peers.

Same. But also some of these schools are just really hard and have tons and tons of homework - that means pressure felt by students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t need to post any data no more than the previous poster who posted their anecdotal data. What I WILL say is that the survey I am familiar with at my child school, indicates otherwise and it does not hold the school harmless. But by all means carry on with your extensive knowledge about every school. For the record it’s extremely frustrating when I encounter people like you who drink the koolaid and attempt to shoot down any argument that attempts to hold schools accountable and make the experience better for all.

Very few DCUM arguments ever revolve around actual facts or data, especially not wide-ranging survey data.

Opinions and assertions are all most posters need to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN they are right.

The great irony is that they made the money to send their kids to the best schools where they are taught to study issues based on actual facts or data.

Go figure.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes wonder what the right balance for parents is - if you just leave your child to make their own decisions then they might decided to do nothing at all, on the other end of the scale, pushing them too hard probably makes them miserable (and the parent also). I do think it is hard for parents to strike the right balance. Some kinds are naturally motivated, but others would just be happy to play sports all day. I don't think there is anything wrong with "some" pressure. The real world is an unforgiving place sometimes, so I think kids need to learn how to handle pressure. Pressure is not a bad thing, it's how kids learn to handle it that matters. At the end of the day, anyone who has achieved anything has had to deal with pressure along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC's school (NCS) recently surveyed students and the responses support OP"s point. When asked about sources of pressure, students ranked their responses like this: 1) themselves 2) parents 3) peers 4) teachers 5) admin.

I was a bit shocked on how this was presented -- it felt like it was placing the "blame" on the students while it isn't "at all" the schools "fault." It is a culture built by teachers, admin, and parents that causes kids to put pressure on themselves. Of course this is a simple explanation, but I hope we move to a school culture, at NCS, and society that reduces that amount of pressure students feel like they have to place on themselves. It is unrealistic and unattainable for their mental health. In all of the DC-area privates there should be a reduction in homework, the expectation for perfect grades, and rigorous teaching. I think there is healthy pressure to do well in society and have good college outcomes, but it is seriously harming our kids regardless of their ability and natural tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the Big 3 is not a good fit for your child, get them out. Unless they’re in the top 25%, they’re going to mediocre colleges anyway.

Define "mediocre colleges." If your professed threshold is what I suspect it is, you're contributing as much if not more to any kind of pressure cooker environment.

[Anonymous]

The workload is what’s a lot. My kid went from no homework in public ES to 2+ hrs in Catholic MS. It took a long time to get used to. It did make him feel like HS was easy in comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors.

Most of the schools that DCUM thinks of as the big 3 Holton, Sidwell, GDS, etc are also considered “pressure cookers”. I’ve recently had a conversation with my kids(they have graduated high school) asking about the pressure cooker stuff and they said the school isn’t putting pressure on them that much but all the pressure and anxiety they had was from parents expecting them to do good.

Has anyone else has this conversation with their kids? And how do you realize when you put to much pressure? What if the pressure breaks the child?

You have a small sample size, OP, and apparently not much by way of critical thinking skills.

The schools create pressure by generating a ridiculous workload that requires near-perfect time management skills. Which most adolescents don’t have. They then differentiate a group of extremely bright students by testing at a level of difficulty beyond what is taught in class.

It's a hard pill to swallow for many, but this is the truth -100+

The kids who do well under these circumstances are the ones who are so brilliant at a particular subject they are putting in additional work just because they love it — or (about 99% of the time) they have tutors or parents with the knowledge and skills to tutor them.

Additionally, the kids know what is at stake: admission to the top colleges. They don’t need their parents to tell them. They compete with one another. It’s curious how quickly everyone knows who had the highest grade.

Do parents contribute to the pressure? Of course they do. Suggesting they are the only ones generating pressure is asinine.

If you’re a smart parent you figure out how to help your child achieve what they want to achieve. It’s when the child doesn’t own it or a when a child who is smart but not brilliant tries to compete with kids who are brilliant that they break under the stress.

Working harder doesn’t solve every problem. Some kids just process and think faster, which makes the school load somewhat more manageable. Others have to put 2-3 times the amount of hours to accomplish the same tasks. Guess who is stressed to the point of breaking?

If the Big 3 is not a good fit for your child, get them out. Unless they’re in the top 25%, they’re going to mediocre colleges anyway. Better for them to be in an environment where they’re happy and maybe in the top 25% at a less competitive school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC's school (NCS) recently surveyed students and the responses support OP"s point. When asked about sources of pressure, students ranked their responses like this: 1) themselves 2) parents 3) peers 4) teachers 5) admin.

Interesting but I think this does not tell the whole story.
The workload given is exceptionally high at NCS and schools that are similar. The parents and students put pressure on the students to do very well grade wise, like many other places. But it is the teachers and the admin who are comfortable assigning the sometimes excessive amount of work which negatively affects wellbeing. The admin and the teachers never say to the kids “you need to be getting straight A’s”, they say “this is a place where people learn how to work hard and do hard things”. But they do assign too much work and the deflation of their grading practices inadvertently puts much more pressure on the upper school students who live in the real world and know that in order to get into the kinds of colleges many of them should be attending, given their abilities, they need to get high grades to compete against all the other students in the country. A basic survey question would likely not accurately describe the dynamic of where a lot of the “pressure” stems from at a school like NCS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC's school (NCS) recently surveyed students and the responses support OP"s point. When asked about sources of pressure, students ranked their responses like this: 1) themselves 2) parents 3) peers 4) teachers 5) admin.

Interesting but I think this does not tell the whole story.
The workload given is exceptionally high at NCS and schools that are similar. The parents and students put pressure on the students to do very well grade wise, like many other places. But it is the teachers and the admin who are comfortable assigning the sometimes excessive amount of work which negatively affects wellbeing. The admin and the teachers never say to the kids “you need to be getting straight A’s”, they say “this is a place where people learn how to work hard and do hard things”. But they do assign too much work and the deflation of their grading practices inadvertently puts much more pressure on the upper school students who live in the real world and know that in order to get into the kinds of colleges many of them should be attending, given their abilities, they need to get high grades to compete against all the other students in the country. A basic survey question would likely not accurately describe the dynamic of where a lot of the “pressure” stems from at a school like NCS.

I just don't get the accusation of grade deflation. I guess in the age of grade inflation at publics (basement grade 50, retake assessments as frequently as you like, no penalty for late homework, etc.) and some independents, schools that still think an A means "excellent," a B means "good," and a "C" means satisfactory are to blame.

[Anonymous]

Not inflating when the majority of other schools are doing it is effectively deflation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors.

Most of the schools that DCUM thinks of as the big 3 Holton, Sidwell, GDS, etc are also considered “pressure cookers”. I’ve recently had a conversation with my kids(they have graduated high school) asking about the pressure cooker stuff and they said the school isn’t putting pressure on them that much but all the pressure and anxiety they had was from parents expecting them to do good.

Has anyone else has this conversation with their kids? And how do you realize when you put to much pressure? What if the pressure breaks the child?

LOL - this sounds like Sidwell's message under prior US head.

For kids taking the most rigorous path (by own choosing) - it was also the teachers putting on the pressure. Our DC and friends complained that the teachers competed with one another to get the label of hardest class in the school. This tends to especially kick in senior year (at highest class offered in a given subject) and it is not healthy for the students. These students all did very well - so it wasn't sour grapes related to grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not inflating when the majority of other schools are doing it is effectively deflation.

Sure, Jan.

[Anonymous]

This thread brings to mind the line from Simon’s song “Kodachrome”.

“When I think back to all the crap I learned in high school, it’s a wonder I can think at all”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not inflating when the majority of other schools are doing it is effectively deflation.

Sure, Jan.

Clearly you failed Econ 101.