Most schools aren’t pressure cookers parents just add pressure

[Anonymous]

Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors.

Most of the schools that DCUM thinks of as the big 3 Holton, Sidwell, GDS, etc are also considered “pressure cookers”. I’ve recently had a conversation with my kids(they have graduated high school) asking about the pressure cooker stuff and they said the school isn’t putting pressure on them that much but all the pressure and anxiety they had was from parents expecting them to do good.

Has anyone else has this conversation with their kids? And how do you realize when you put to much pressure? What if the pressure breaks the child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors.

Most of the schools that DCUM thinks of as the big 3 Holton, Sidwell, GDS, etc are also considered “pressure cookers”. I’ve recently had a conversation with my kids(they have graduated high school) asking about the pressure cooker stuff and they said the school isn’t putting pressure on them that much but all the pressure and anxiety they had was from parents expecting them to do good.

Has anyone else has this conversation with their kids? And how do you realize when you put to much pressure? What if the pressure breaks the child?

You have a small sample size, OP, and apparently not much by way of critical thinking skills.

The schools create pressure by generating a ridiculous workload that requires near-perfect time management skills. Which most adolescents don’t have. They then differentiate a group of extremely bright students by testing at a level of difficulty beyond what is taught in class.

The kids who do well under these circumstances are the ones who are so brilliant at a particular subject they are putting in additional work just because they love it — or (about 99% of the time) they have tutors or parents with the knowledge and skills to tutor them.

Additionally, the kids know what is at stake: admission to the top colleges. They don’t need their parents to tell them. They compete with one another. It’s curious how quickly everyone knows who had the highest grade.

Do parents contribute to the pressure? Of course they do. Suggesting they are the only ones generating pressure is asinine.

If you’re a smart parent you figure out how to help your child achieve what they want to achieve. It’s when the child doesn’t own it or a when a child who is smart but not brilliant tries to compete with kids who are brilliant that they break under the stress.

Working harder doesn’t solve every problem. Some kids just process and think faster, which makes the school load somewhat more manageable. Others have to put 2-3 times the amount of hours to accomplish the same tasks. Guess who is stressed to the point of breaking?

If the Big 3 is not a good fit for your child, get them out. Unless they’re in the top 25%, they’re going to mediocre colleges anyway. Better for them to be in an environment where they’re happy and maybe in the top 25% at a less competitive school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors.

Most of the schools that DCUM thinks of as the big 3 Holton, Sidwell, GDS, etc are also considered “pressure cookers”. I’ve recently had a conversation with my kids(they have graduated high school) asking about the pressure cooker stuff and they said the school isn’t putting pressure on them that much but all the pressure and anxiety they had was from parents expecting them to do good.

Has anyone else has this conversation with their kids? And how do you realize when you put to much pressure? What if the pressure breaks the child?

Pressure cooker doesn't mean that the pressure comes from schools. It means there's a culture within the school that leads to kids feeling a lot of pressure, that pressure may come from competition from the kids, from their parents, from academic expectations, leads to kids feeling pressure.

[Anonymous]

My DC's school (NCS) recently surveyed students and the responses support OP"s point. When asked about sources of pressure, students ranked their responses like this: 1) themselves 2) parents 3) peers 4) teachers 5) admin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors.

Most of the schools that DCUM thinks of as the big 3 Holton, Sidwell, GDS, etc are also considered “pressure cookers”. I’ve recently had a conversation with my kids(they have graduated high school) asking about the pressure cooker stuff and they said the school isn’t putting pressure on them that much but all the pressure and anxiety they had was from parents expecting them to do good.

Has anyone else has this conversation with their kids? And how do you realize when you put to much pressure? What if the pressure breaks the child?

Pressure cooker doesn't mean that the pressure comes from schools. It means there's a culture within the school that leads to kids feeling a lot of pressure, that pressure may come from competition from the kids, from their parents, from academic expectations, leads to kids feeling pressure.

This is the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors.

Most of the schools that DCUM thinks of as the big 3 Holton, Sidwell, GDS, etc are also considered “pressure cookers”. I’ve recently had a conversation with my kids(they have graduated high school) asking about the pressure cooker stuff and they said the school isn’t putting pressure on them that much but all the pressure and anxiety they had was from parents expecting them to do good.

Has anyone else has this conversation with their kids? And how do you realize when you put to much pressure? What if the pressure breaks the child?

Pressure cooker doesn't mean that the pressure comes from schools. It means there's a culture within the school that leads to kids feeling a lot of pressure, that pressure may come from competition from the kids, from their parents, from academic expectations, leads to kids feeling pressure.

This is the correct answer.

10000% - and there are schools where that is not the culture. They exist!

[Anonymous]

No pressure cooker in my kids school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors.

Most of the schools that DCUM thinks of as the big 3 Holton, Sidwell, GDS, etc are also considered “pressure cookers”. I’ve recently had a conversation with my kids(they have graduated high school) asking about the pressure cooker stuff and they said the school isn’t putting pressure on them that much but all the pressure and anxiety they had was from parents expecting them to do good.

Has anyone else has this conversation with their kids? And how do you realize when you put to much pressure? What if the pressure breaks the child?

You have a small sample size, OP, and apparently not much by way of critical thinking skills.

The schools create pressure by generating a ridiculous workload that requires near-perfect time management skills. Which most adolescents don’t have. They then differentiate a group of extremely bright students by testing at a level of difficulty beyond what is taught in class.

The kids who do well under these circumstances are the ones who are so brilliant at a particular subject they are putting in additional work just because they love it — or (about 99% of the time) they have tutors or parents with the knowledge and skills to tutor them.

Additionally, the kids know what is at stake: admission to the top colleges. They don’t need their parents to tell them. They compete with one another. It’s curious how quickly everyone knows who had the highest grade.

Do parents contribute to the pressure? Of course they do. Suggesting they are the only ones generating pressure is asinine.

If you’re a smart parent you figure out how to help your child achieve what they want to achieve. It’s when the child doesn’t own it or a when a child who is smart but not brilliant tries to compete with kids who are brilliant that they break under the stress.

Working harder doesn’t solve every problem. Some kids just process and think faster, which makes the school load somewhat more manageable. Others have to put 2-3 times the amount of hours to accomplish the same tasks. Guess who is stressed to the point of breaking?

If the Big 3 is not a good fit for your child, get them out. Unless they’re in the top 25%, they’re going to mediocre colleges anyway. Better for them to be in an environment where they’re happy and maybe in the top 25% at a less competitive school.

Any organization that "breaks" children in the name of producing some uber-elite youth cadre can be fairly called sad and demented, even if some think they are necessary. I taught in one and now teach in a school completely the opposite.

You couldn't pay me double my current salary to be part of that again.

[Anonymous]

Duh.

I'm the product of a very rigorous private school. I sent my kids to a reputable public in a wealthy neighborhood. I have friends who send their kids to all the top privates in and around DC.

My kids are in college now, so I've had years to observe this for two generations.

NO SCHOOL PUTS AS MUCH PRESSURE ON KIDS AS SOME PARENTS DO. Given a sufficient number of such parents in one school (and that goes for public AND privates), the school will become a pressure cooker. But the pressure originates from parents, obviously.


That is simply a fact of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Duh.

I'm the product of a very rigorous private school. I sent my kids to a reputable public in a wealthy neighborhood. I have friends who send their kids to all the top privates in and around DC.

My kids are in college now, so I've had years to observe this for two generations.

NO SCHOOL PUTS AS MUCH PRESSURE ON KIDS AS SOME PARENTS DO. Given a sufficient number of such parents in one school (and that goes for public AND privates), the school will become a pressure cooker. But the pressure originates from parents, obviously.


That is simply a fact of life.

Too bad there are student surveys at these schools that say otherwise but yes continue to place the e blame solely on parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh.

I'm the product of a very rigorous private school. I sent my kids to a reputable public in a wealthy neighborhood. I have friends who send their kids to all the top privates in and around DC.

My kids are in college now, so I've had years to observe this for two generations.

NO SCHOOL PUTS AS MUCH PRESSURE ON KIDS AS SOME PARENTS DO. Given a sufficient number of such parents in one school (and that goes for public AND privates), the school will become a pressure cooker. But the pressure originates from parents, obviously.


That is simply a fact of life.

Too bad there are student surveys at these schools that say otherwise but yes continue to place the e blame solely on parents.

PP you replied to. I'll back my informed, mature judgement over a teen's judgment and their limited life experience any day of the week, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh.

I'm the product of a very rigorous private school. I sent my kids to a reputable public in a wealthy neighborhood. I have friends who send their kids to all the top privates in and around DC.

My kids are in college now, so I've had years to observe this for two generations.

NO SCHOOL PUTS AS MUCH PRESSURE ON KIDS AS SOME PARENTS DO. Given a sufficient number of such parents in one school (and that goes for public AND privates), the school will become a pressure cooker. But the pressure originates from parents, obviously.


That is simply a fact of life.

Too bad there are student surveys at these schools that say otherwise but yes continue to place the e blame solely on parents.

PP you replied to. I'll back my informed, mature judgement over a teen's judgment and their limited life experience any day of the week, my friend.

Your singular experience trumps the feedback of an entire school? Gotcha!

[Anonymous]

Having attended a pressure cooker high school, I can attest that a lot of the pressure to succeed at such a school comes from your peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh.

I'm the product of a very rigorous private school. I sent my kids to a reputable public in a wealthy neighborhood. I have friends who send their kids to all the top privates in and around DC.

My kids are in college now, so I've had years to observe this for two generations.

NO SCHOOL PUTS AS MUCH PRESSURE ON KIDS AS SOME PARENTS DO. Given a sufficient number of such parents in one school (and that goes for public AND privates), the school will become a pressure cooker. But the pressure originates from parents, obviously.


That is simply a fact of life.

Too bad there are student surveys at these schools that say otherwise but yes continue to place the e blame solely on parents.

PP just posted a student survey from NCS that confirms the students believe the pressure comes from themselves, and their parents. Do you have other data to share, or is this just your opinion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh.

I'm the product of a very rigorous private school. I sent my kids to a reputable public in a wealthy neighborhood. I have friends who send their kids to all the top privates in and around DC.

My kids are in college now, so I've had years to observe this for two generations.

NO SCHOOL PUTS AS MUCH PRESSURE ON KIDS AS SOME PARENTS DO. Given a sufficient number of such parents in one school (and that goes for public AND privates), the school will become a pressure cooker. But the pressure originates from parents, obviously.


That is simply a fact of life.

Too bad there are student surveys at these schools that say otherwise but yes continue to place the e blame solely on parents.

Which student surveys are you referring to? The result of the one that was posted showed that pressure came from the students and parents. How does that say otherwise?
DP