38 and Online dating, I must be ugly right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We cant say without a picture, but there is something you need to remember. Any guy in the 35-40 age range who is still a bit of a catch and wants kids is going to go after women younger than you. This board is full of woman who tend to see single men in that age range as damaged goods. The truth is a lot of men are focusing on their careers or maybe they were out of shape for a while and then figured things out or maybe hit it big in their career and has women interested in them now.

I am a 38 year old guy with a great career and a good personalty who wants kids. I was single for while and got on dating apps at 35, but was unhappy with my results. So I deleted it for a bit, lost 40 pounds, took new pictures, and set up a new account. I was able to easily date women in their late 20s/early 30s who were ready to settle down that I never would have given me a shot before. Now at 38 I recently got married to someone who is 31.

A lot of men are going to do the same thing I did. They most likely are not going to start dating someone who is 38 if they want kids.

Congrats! Your story shows how it’s never too late to start. And that you don’t do yourself any favors by giving up. How long did it take you to lose the 40lbs, and what did you do to get there?

[Anonymous]

Actually, because women of any stripe rank higher on these sites, you are not just of similar ranking to them, but without the bump for your gender you'd be below them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We cant say without a picture, but there is something you need to remember. Any guy in the 35-40 age range who is still a bit of a catch and wants kids is going to go after women younger than you. This board is full of woman who tend to see single men in that age range as damaged goods. The truth is a lot of men are focusing on their careers or maybe they were out of shape for a while and then figured things out or maybe hit it big in their career and has women interested in them now.

I am a 38 year old guy with a great career and a good personalty who wants kids. I was single for while and got on dating apps at 35, but was unhappy with my results. So I deleted it for a bit, lost 40 pounds, took new pictures, and set up a new account. I was able to easily date women in their late 20s/early 30s who were ready to settle down that I never would have given me a shot before. Now at 38 I recently got married to someone who is 31.

A lot of men are going to do the same thing I did. They most likely are not going to start dating someone who is 38 if they want kids.

Congrats! Your story shows how it’s never too late to start. And that you don’t do yourself any favors by giving up. How long did it take you to lose the 40lbs, and what did you do to get there?

Thanks! I moved to a low carb diet and after about a month I just started shedding pounds. Lost 20 within 3-4 months just from changing my diet. Then starting hitting the gym and walking as much as I can. I'd walk a few miles on my lunch break and then go to the gym after work. Took me about 8 months to lose the 40 pounds.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you want an honest answer, there’s a website called Pink Mirror that will rate photos of you on a scale on 1-10. It’s a great tool for optimizing your online dating profile, but only if you submit unfiltered photos. It’s not for the faint of heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We cant say without a picture, but there is something you need to remember. Any guy in the 35-40 age range who is still a bit of a catch and wants kids is going to go after women younger than you. This board is full of woman who tend to see single men in that age range as damaged goods. The truth is a lot of men are focusing on their careers or maybe they were out of shape for a while and then figured things out or maybe hit it big in their career and has women interested in them now.

I am a 38 year old guy with a great career and a good personalty who wants kids. I was single for while and got on dating apps at 35, but was unhappy with my results. So I deleted it for a bit, lost 40 pounds, took new pictures, and set up a new account. I was able to easily date women in their late 20s/early 30s who were ready to settle down that I never would have given me a shot before. Now at 38 I recently got married to someone who is 31.

A lot of men are going to do the same thing I did. They most likely are not going to start dating someone who is 38 if they want kids.

I was going to say a guy in this age range will have his options if he is attractive and single. All the good guys are married with kids. The unicorn leftover guys who were finishing residency will likely be looking for someone younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goodness! I am matched with so many unattractive, out of shape, lower SES, men.

Is this because the algorithm has determined I am an ugly woman?

No it's because a lot of men neglect their health and appearance. I am 50 and of my 4 close friends I am the only one who is not fat, who doesn't drink every weekend and who works out regularly. I have given up on convincing my friends to join me at the gym. And we are all executives in our respective fields as well. I can find time, but they can't.

Wow, you sound like a great friend. /s

I dunno, I like this PP. They actually care enough to notice that their friends are ruining their health, and by extension, their futures. Why is someone who sits back and says nothing a better friend?

I agree. I see so many women who want to find a partner yet they don't try to improve themselves. Even just to feel better in general.

Being a good friend is also being honest.

[Anonymous]

That's very silly. Just X out of those men and focus on the ones you are attracted to.

[Anonymous]

I think if you are only looking at men in your own age range you will have a tough time. Not impossible, but tough. As stated by a PP, if a 35-45(ish) man is single and a catch, he is probably dating younger. You may need to up your age range a bit (which, yes, will probably include many divorced men with kids).

[Anonymous]

Make vanity great again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We cant say without a picture, but there is something you need to remember. Any guy in the 35-40 age range who is still a bit of a catch and wants kids is going to go after women younger than you. This board is full of woman who tend to see single men in that age range as damaged goods. The truth is a lot of men are focusing on their careers or maybe they were out of shape for a while and then figured things out or maybe hit it big in their career and has women interested in them now.

I am a 38 year old guy with a great career and a good personalty who wants kids. I was single for while and got on dating apps at 35, but was unhappy with my results. So I deleted it for a bit, lost 40 pounds, took new pictures, and set up a new account. I was able to easily date women in their late 20s/early 30s who were ready to settle down that I never would have given me a shot before. Now at 38 I recently got married to someone who is 31.

A lot of men are going to do the same thing I did. They most likely are not going to start dating someone who is 38 if they want kids.

I was going to say a guy in this age range will have his options if he is attractive and single. All the good guys are married with kids. The unicorn leftover guys who were finishing residency will likely be looking for someone younger.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are only looking at men in your own age range you will have a tough time. Not impossible, but tough. As stated by a PP, if a 35-45(ish) man is single and a catch, he is probably dating younger. You may need to up your age range a bit (which, yes, will probably include many divorced men with kids).

Yep. Single and 38 and wanting to marry pretty much means you need to be willing to look at mid-to-late 40s divorced men with kids. By 38, the single good ones are taken. You have to catch them after divorce and be wife #2 (and most of the really good ones don't end up divorced).

[Anonymous]

38F also been dating for some time. I am a divorcee with children though. Open to marriage #2 but not actively pursuing anything. Life is good. If you want children, OP, I suggest you consider donors. Having children and getting a partner are two completely different things and they don't have to be bundled together just because most people do so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goodness! I am matched with so many unattractive, out of shape, lower SES, men.

Is this because the algorithm has determined I am an ugly woman?

They are probably just "average."

You are probably equivalently "average," which is why you matched with them.

The problem isn't appearance, of them or you. It's cognitive.

You're delusional, like so many "average" women. You're a 4 or 5, at best, who wants to think she is a 7 or 8 and deserves a man who is a 9 or 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goodness! I am matched with so many unattractive, out of shape, lower SES, men.

Is this because the algorithm has determined I am an ugly woman?

No it's because a lot of men neglect their health and appearance. I am 50 and of my 4 close friends I am the only one who is not fat, who doesn't drink every weekend and who works out regularly. I have given up on convincing my friends to join me at the gym. And we are all executives in our respective fields as well. I can find time, but they can't.

Let me guess, you are 50 and single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goodness! I am matched with so many unattractive, out of shape, lower SES, men.

Is this because the algorithm has determined I am an ugly woman?

They are probably just "average."

You are probably equivalently "average," which is why you matched with them.

The problem isn't appearance, of them or you. It's cognitive.

You're delusional, like so many "average" women. You're a 4 or 5, at best, who wants to think she is a 7 or 8 and deserves a man who is a 9 or 10.

A lot of people don’t age well. So many women think the men out there are unattractive and those same men will say the women their age are also unattractive. They are both the same.

That 4 man may have a good job and a sense of humor. Usually women are able to see past looks. Men usually can’t get past not being physically attracted to a woman.