Supporting a Queer(?) child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already are by buying the dresses, etc.

Maybe she has a daughter?

[Anonymous]

I just don’t understand when color, cloth, and bright reflective items became “feminine.”

That is stupid. All humans like these things.
Y’all know gender is a social construct? Put me in Saudi Arabia, and I be dressing and thinking different. Picture yourself there for a few minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep on what you're doing. If wants to wear a dress or jewelry at home, of course let him and say he looks nice just as you'd say he looks nice if he dressed up in a tie and jacket - but it's also fine not to say anything, assuming you also don't comment when he dresses in traditional boy clothes. And if he hasn't asked to wear a dress to school, then don't bring it up.

NP. What do you mean, of course let him? I would not let my 8 YO son wear a dress or jewelry, even at home. It's called providing parental guidance as to what is appropriate.

^This. Kids don't know sh!t. Give him your cultural norms already.

He's 10 years from being able to sign a contract, 11 years from being able to buy a beer, 10 years from a tattoo, 17 freaking years from being able to rent a car... Why in the world would you think he has some inherent knowledge about this. He knows what you teach him to know.

+1. Just tell him no and give him an a selection of clothing choices that doesn't include dresses.

[Anonymous]

Try not to be so binary. Boss can have long hair. Girls can have short hair. Sports isn't only for boys. Don't be so rigid in your gender constructs

[Anonymous]

Time to homeschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try not to be so binary. Boss can have long hair. Girls can have short hair. Sports isn't only for boys. Don't be so rigid in your gender constructs

+1. My modification is in the home. I have a close friend who does not hallow her phenotype black teen to wear “wife beaters” He does not own any. He live in a hot climate

The boy told me that. That is her business. She does that bc she does not want her child to be labeled. She is also a Tiger Mom. That’s her family’s business. But those tiger moms know how to make their kids succeed in the workplace.

For my asian friends, I have to be honest, personal fulfillment just doesn’t seem to be a top goal. That is NOT the point of family social structure for them

I have covered a LOT of ground here. haha. Food for thought !

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s always that deep. I have a late teen son who always liked flowy things and while he didn’t wear dresses as a young kid would wrap a blanket around himself and twirl in circles.

He ended up being into theater. He wears costumes and likes that part of the process. He likes disappearing into a character. He wears stage makeup when called for. When he is not acting he wears sweatpants. And has a girlfriend. He’s had a bunch of girlfriends. And if he was or is gay in the end, who cares. He’s an amazing person.

Maybe your son is a creative. Boys get put into such a box. Thank god some of them push through societal pressure and are interested in more than football and beer. Just let him be who he is. That’s all you can and should do.

[Anonymous]

Do people really believe boys inherently don’t like dancing and pretty things? They pop out of your womb pre-programmed to like boring clothes and colors and wanting to play sports? And the girls come out liking sparkle and wanting more clothing variety?

It’s all cultural norms. If you have a child who actually has the confidence to know what he likes and shows interests outside of what he’s given and told to like, that is a pretty cool thing. Most of us are just sheep. I get it it’s worrying as a parent. But try to focus on the positives.

Also he’s young and most likely his peers beat this out of him. Then you’ll feel sad.

[Anonymous]

Not PP above, who is lovely. I also want to throw out there that a lot of Race and Ethnicity is also a social construct. This is obviously to have one who has had to integrate into a different community.

When and where I grew a lot of white people tried to be culturally Black (American Black). That was my experience growing up in a state in the MidWest.

[Anonymous]

*obvious to anyone *

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really believe boys inherently don’t like dancing and pretty things? They pop out of your womb pre-programmed to like boring clothes and colors and wanting to play sports? And the girls come out liking sparkle and wanting more clothing variety?

It’s all cultural norms. If you have a child who actually has the confidence to know what he likes and shows interests outside of what he’s given and told to like, that is a pretty cool thing. Most of us are just sheep. I get it it’s worrying as a parent. But try to focus on the positives.

Also he’s young and most likely his peers beat this out of him. Then you’ll feel sad.

My teen son who is very straight and typically male now always commented on his older sisters friends clothes when he was little. “I love the flowers on your shoes” and things like that. Flowers are great! He got mercilessly teased when he was five for riding his sisters purple bike with flowers and after that adhered more to male expectations but it made me sad. If you look in history many men wore beautiful velvet and silk decorated with flowers! Anyway I think you are doing all the right things. If he asks to wear stuff like that in public you have a more difficult conversation about social norms and whether he is old enough and confident enough to want to buck those norms, or if there are smaller ways that he can express his taste (a pink polo, men’s socks with a floral pattern, men’s jewelry, etc.). In the last 10 years men’s clothing choices have gotten much more diverse than they were 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How do I show support without pushing him into anything?

By not getting involved. Buy him boy clothes. Tell him your clothes are yours and he should not touch them. He is 8 years old, he doesn't know what is what so you as the parent have to set boundaries for him.

By doing anything else, you risk permanently psychologically scarring him for life.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to tell him he looks good. When he asks how he looks, say "How do you feel?" The strongest men I know are ballet dancers. They lift weights and have excellent posture (think Patrick Swayze), etc. And lots of women aren't wearing jewelry or makeup or glittery things (like me, for example).

There are lots of ways to be a man and be a woman. For some reason we've stopped using the tern tomboy, but we never had an equivalent going in the other direction.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would hide the dresses and jewelry to see what he gravitates toward instead.

[Anonymous]

I have never heard a parent refer to their own child as queer.