If your son/daughter was a late bloomer socially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone doesn't have to be an extrovert, introverts are fine doing things of their liking at their own pace. Unless she has an issue with it, its not an issue.

Likely that her daughter does have an issue with it -- she feels lonely. So then what?

According to the post mom is the one who is concerned not the daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone doesn't have to be an extrovert, introverts are fine doing things of their liking at their own pace. Unless she has an issue with it, its not an issue.

Likely that her daughter does have an issue with it -- she feels lonely. So then what?

According to the post mom is the one who is concerned not the daughter.

You might be interpreting the OP's phrase "it’s so hard to see her so lonely" differently than I am. I agree that if the daughter is not feeling lonely, then the OP doesn't need to push anything. But I think that the daughter probably IS feeling lonely.

[Anonymous]

We should ban the internet and phones. What a disaster.

[Anonymous]

She sounds okay to me. Maybe encourage her to join one club or group this semester so that she learns to put herself out there and potentially builds connection with someone else at the school, and also, so she simply starts exploring and cultivating interests outside of her studies — fitness, dance, volunteerism, arts, music, debate, coding, there’s a lot for her to explore if she’s willing to go to a few meetings/events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. It’s nice to hear others’ experiences. We’re not pushing her, which is why she never was treated for her anxiety when she was younger.
I don’t know for sure if she’s happy because she generally is quiet and keeps to herself, which is how she has been throughout her teens.

This was me (and still is!). I think it bothered my extrovert mom, but I'm happy. I still managed to have a good career, husband and family. I'm sure your daughter is fine.

I know plenty of adults who managed to get married and hold a job with no friends and such social anxiety that they never socialize with anyone outside the home.

Not saying that’s you…but the life benchmarks you list above aren’t proof that someone is fine or not.

[Anonymous]

My son is the same (he’s a sophomore). He did join a club this year which gives him more forced social interactions, plus the club sometimes hosts parties.

I also think college isn’t as social generally as back in my day. I don’t mean parties, those existed in my day, still exist now and likely always will at college - I mean that kids aren’t as social/friendly in their dorms and hallways, in the dining halls, so on, because they all have their phones and laptops. Phones give them an excuse to sit alone when having lunch (vs when I was in college, you’d have to meet up with people for lunch), phones allow them to watch a movie on their own (vs we’d gather in the lounge to watch Seinfeld together). I think many kids are less social at college than we used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is the same (he’s a sophomore). He did join a club this year which gives him more forced social interactions, plus the club sometimes hosts parties.

I also think college isn’t as social generally as back in my day. I don’t mean parties, those existed in my day, still exist now and likely always will at college - I mean that kids aren’t as social/friendly in their dorms and hallways, in the dining halls, so on, because they all have their phones and laptops. Phones give them an excuse to sit alone when having lunch (vs when I was in college, you’d have to meet up with people for lunch), phones allow them to watch a movie on their own (vs we’d gather in the lounge to watch Seinfeld together). I think many kids are less social at college than we used to be.

Between my kids, we've had experience at 4 different schools (including 1 kid who transferred) and this 100% true. There was not 1 door open in any of the dorms I've been in . NOT ONE. There is not one kid in a lounge (if they didn't convert the lounge into a room due to overcrowding). Kids are self selecting. .If you're not greek, in a sport, or a very specific minority, it is increasingly difficult to find friends. Like is staying with like. It's really concerning.

[Anonymous]

I was a late bloomer but freshman year was the year I came into myself socially. I met most of my friends drinking and in the smokers circle though.

I have adhd though - which tends towards later maturity, anxiety doesn’t really work that way. Social anxiety is no fun - can you encourage her to get some help with this above anything else?

I think it’s this particular cohort - they seem particularly socially handicapped, using phones as a crutch, maybe timing with the pandemic being their freshman year of high school or something.

[Anonymous]

I was a late bloomer, and the moment i arrived to college (Syracuse) it was amazing! It was like a switch clicked on. I think I just needed a fresh start from highschool.

[Anonymous]

If they don't make friends by the time they leave high school college in this current social climate with society and gen z being incredibly anti social they will be lonely for life most likely.

Multiple statistics across the board prove this point. It's not the 80s-90s anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they don't make friends by the time they leave high school college in this current social climate with society and gen z being incredibly anti social they will be lonely for life most likely.

Multiple statistics across the board prove this point. It's not the 80s-90s anymore. [/quote)

Disagree. Studies are too cut and dry for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did they do in college? DD is a freshman away at school this year. She made one close friend during the fall semester and gets along well with her roommate but it sounds like she spends most of her time in her room either studying or on her phone. She’s always been a bit of a late bloomer in the social sense and rarely spent time with friends in HS but we’ve been hoping being away at school will help her get out of her comfort zone but I worry she’s still very isolated.
She does have social anxiety and although I tried to get her to see a therapist when she was younger, she always refused so here we are. I also have social anxiety and was also a late bloomer but did mature a lot in college and am hoping for the same with her, but it’s so hard to see her so lonely.

Give her time to adjust without the pressure. Support by letting her know you are there for her. Ask what she needs to feel like she fits in. It might be small things like a new pair of shoes or haircut to boost confidence. In the first year, if she needs you to make a visit or if she needs to come home for a weekend, do it. A lot of maturity happens between first and second year — Like night and day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is the same (he’s a sophomore). He did join a club this year which gives him more forced social interactions, plus the club sometimes hosts parties.

I also think college isn’t as social generally as back in my day. I don’t mean parties, those existed in my day, still exist now and likely always will at college - I mean that kids aren’t as social/friendly in their dorms and hallways, in the dining halls, so on, because they all have their phones and laptops. Phones give them an excuse to sit alone when having lunch (vs when I was in college, you’d have to meet up with people for lunch), phones allow them to watch a movie on their own (vs we’d gather in the lounge to watch Seinfeld together). I think many kids are less social at college than we used to be.

Between my kids, we've had experience at 4 different schools (including 1 kid who transferred) and this 100% true. There was not 1 door open in any of the dorms I've been in . NOT ONE. There is not one kid in a lounge (if they didn't convert the lounge into a room due to overcrowding). Kids are self selecting. .If you're not greek, in a sport, or a very specific minority, it is increasingly difficult to find friends. Like is staying with like. It's really concerning.

Is this true in small schools, too?

[Anonymous]

Do kids connect in clubs?

[Anonymous]

My son is slowly making friends freshman year of college. This was the graduation year that had a terrible high school freshman year due to college.

We text a lot and I encourage at least 2 social outings a week.