When does your toddler have a pacifier?

[Anonymous]

We ditched then in the day at 2 and at night by 4, you should really think about leaving them in the bed only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid ditched it herself at 4 months. If it had helped her sleep I would have let her keep it forever.

I do think not potty training by 3 is a bit ridiculous, though. I don’t agree with the idea that there’s any benefit in waiting until a kid indicates they are ready. Mine was not interested but trained easily in 1 day at 2.5. We don’t wait for them to be “ready” to wear a car seat or go to preschool or brush their teeth. Seems arbitrary to allow a toddler to dictate the terms on this one important life skill that has a big impact on mom’s quality of life.

Op her - we are doing the child led approach. We gently ask her if she's ready but won't force her yet. I am sure she'll be ready to be out of diapers soon and I want it to be a positive experience for her as well

Why are you so sure she’ll be “ready” soon?

Why does parent-initiated have to mean negative experience?

My kid liked and was not traumatized by potty training. She got candy. There were no tears. Was your child traumatized by the introduction of solids?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid ditched it herself at 4 months. If it had helped her sleep I would have let her keep it forever.

I do think not potty training by 3 is a bit ridiculous, though. I don’t agree with the idea that there’s any benefit in waiting until a kid indicates they are ready. Mine was not interested but trained easily in 1 day at 2.5. We don’t wait for them to be “ready” to wear a car seat or go to preschool or brush their teeth. Seems arbitrary to allow a toddler to dictate the terms on this one important life skill that has a big impact on mom’s quality of life.

Op her - we are doing the child led approach. We gently ask her if she's ready but won't force her yet. I am sure she'll be ready to be out of diapers soon and I want it to be a positive experience for her as well

Why are you so sure she’ll be “ready” soon?

Why does parent-initiated have to mean negative experience?

My kid liked and was not traumatized by potty training. She got candy. There were no tears. Was your child traumatized by the introduction of solids?

OP here - I'm sure parent led can be a positive experience but I don't think it is best for my daughter. Child led still means we have potties out, we suggest it and encourage it, but if she chooses not to then we won't push. If she wanted to try earlier than now and it didn't work we'd make sure to step back if needed. So we introduce things and take pace. She is curious and learning really well with our guidance and her lead. But she does not mind her wet diaper and hasn't got an interest in the potty yet.

I am listening to advice as well. I made this post as someone made comment on her having a pacifier at the grocery store and being too old. I'm listening to the comments and will limit her access to it. And if she asks I will ask if she really wants it, but won't keep it from her if she does want it. She will give it up completely in her own time, but I will guide her by limiting it a bit.

She will have none of this in high school and she has plenty of time before kindergarten

[Anonymous]

Did you not read about the dental damage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you not read about the dental damage?

OP here - I am aware of that but we have regular dental checks, nothing is noticeable wrong. I can keep it away from her until she asks which I can't do if she sucked her thumb

[Anonymous]

“She will give it up completely on her own time”

I know you think this, but some kids hold tight to those comfort items. Why wait until she’s permanently altered her soft palate?

If you’re trying to avoid upsetting your child, you’re in for a long parenting road. The kids I know who have these types of parents are the ones that are either unhinged at school because they make all the rules at home OR are extremely anxious because they feel like they have to be in charge and they are never challenged to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.

It’s okay to say no to a child. It’s okay to push them past their comfort zone. In fact that is how their brains grow and how they develop resilience. What if your child decides they’re not ready for kindergarten? You have to think about these things. You have to help them learn to develop and grow and that means overcoming roadblocks along the way. Look up “snowplow parents” —the outcomes are not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“She will give it up completely on her own time”

I know you think this, but some kids hold tight to those comfort items. Why wait until she’s permanently altered her soft palate?

If you’re trying to avoid upsetting your child, you’re in for a long parenting road. The kids I know who have these types of parents are the ones that are either unhinged at school because they make all the rules at home OR are extremely anxious because they feel like they have to be in charge and they are never challenged to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.

It’s okay to say no to a child. It’s okay to push them past their comfort zone. In fact that is how their brains grow and how they develop resilience. What if your child decides they’re not ready for kindergarten? You have to think about these things. You have to help them learn to develop and grow and that means overcoming roadblocks along the way. Look up “snowplow parents” —the outcomes are not good.

Op here - I do appreciate those concerns and I do not want one of those kids, it isn't permissive parenting, she has consequences for actions, does get told no when it's needed. And is strongly pushed to try things. There are things I will push harder on. I make sure her life isn't full of anxiety and also make sure she doesn't behave poorly or affect others.

It's more gentle parenting, and these that means there are some things I'll not push until they're needed. So pacifier when adult teeth come through (although I know she'll be without it long before then) and diapers before kindergarten. But if it's the summer before kindergarten starts that's just as fine as training next week.

[Anonymous]

My 28 month old uses it for naps and nighttime sleep- hasn't used it during the day since maybe 8 months but cannot imagine her sleeping without it. She typically has 4 in her crib and if they all fall out she screams for help....she is incredibly verbal and potty trained but a bad sleeper. Having a baby in 2 weeks and then starting preschool in the fall so not sure when we'll be ready for the challenge of no taking it away

[Anonymous]

We limited to bed only at 1 year and took it away completely at 3. My friend is a speech therapist and told me it interferes with speech development when toddlers use them throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

Gentle parenting does not at all say anything about being child led on milestones. It’s just about how you hold firm boundaries. Each of your posts talks about how you let your child set boundaries, not you. That’s fine, but that is not gentle parenting.

What if your daughter felt she wasn’t ready for vaccinations? The examples just go on and on. If anything, gentle parenting says that kids feel safer when they can tell that adults are in control of structure and boundaries. The gentle part is in how you respond to their distress at bumping up against those boundaries. Letting kids decide their own major life decisions is scary, according to gentle parenting.

I think your post was, as you said, just hoping to find other parents who think pacifiers and not potty training past 3 are fine, and it seems like they are not to most of us, but I’m sure others will come along to affirm your choices.

[Anonymous]

I am a pediatrician. Get rid of it. You’re not helping her learn to soothe without it. Emotional regulation is so important as is her speech development. I see children in my office who always have a pacifier in as they get above 1, and trust me when I say that their speech articulation does suffer as does their ability to regulate. It might be that the permissive parents are the issue with the regulation more than the pacifier itself, but if you’re asking for advice, mine would be to ditch it. Now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gentle parenting does not at all say anything about being child led on milestones. It’s just about how you hold firm boundaries. Each of your posts talks about how you let your child set boundaries, not you. That’s fine, but that is not gentle parenting.

What if your daughter felt she wasn’t ready for vaccinations? The examples just go on and on. If anything, gentle parenting says that kids feel safer when they can tell that adults are in control of structure and boundaries. The gentle part is in how you respond to their distress at bumping up against those boundaries. Letting kids decide their own major life decisions is scary, according to gentle parenting.

I think your post was, as you said, just hoping to find other parents who think pacifiers and not potty training past 3 are fine, and it seems like they are not to most of us, but I’m sure others will come along to affirm your choices.

Op here - correct it isn't gentle parenting, I read a bit and that isn't how I want to parent, I am mainly child led. Janet Lansbury is a good example.

She cried and cried for the vaccines so we chose not to give them. They're don't do anything anyway so there was no real pressure to get them. But actual important things will happen when they need to. I wanted to see if people are thinking what someone said in the store about my daughter looking too old for her pacifier. It's fine that people think that way, but it's not enough to change my way, I was interested to see if others were having the same approach. I didn't even bring up potty training, but I will defend my reason as training too early often causes problems down the line. So while I might wait later than it is possible to do so, I won't be doing it too early by trusting her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gentle parenting does not at all say anything about being child led on milestones. It’s just about how you hold firm boundaries. Each of your posts talks about how you let your child set boundaries, not you. That’s fine, but that is not gentle parenting.

What if your daughter felt she wasn’t ready for vaccinations? The examples just go on and on. If anything, gentle parenting says that kids feel safer when they can tell that adults are in control of structure and boundaries. The gentle part is in how you respond to their distress at bumping up against those boundaries. Letting kids decide their own major life decisions is scary, according to gentle parenting.

I think your post was, as you said, just hoping to find other parents who think pacifiers and not potty training past 3 are fine, and it seems like they are not to most of us, but I’m sure others will come along to affirm your choices.

Op here - correct it isn't gentle parenting, I read a bit and that isn't how I want to parent, I am mainly child led. Janet Lansbury is a good example.

She cried and cried for the vaccines so we chose not to give them. They're don't do anything anyway so there was no real pressure to get them. But actual important things will happen when they need to. I wanted to see if people are thinking what someone said in the store about my daughter looking too old for her pacifier. It's fine that people think that way, but it's not enough to change my way, I was interested to see if others were having the same approach. I didn't even bring up potty training, but I will defend my reason as training too early often causes problems down the line. So while I might wait later than it is possible to do so, I won't be doing it too early by trusting her

Wait, did you just say you didn’t give your kid vaccines because she cried? I’m officially calling troll on this whole thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gentle parenting does not at all say anything about being child led on milestones. It’s just about how you hold firm boundaries. Each of your posts talks about how you let your child set boundaries, not you. That’s fine, but that is not gentle parenting.

What if your daughter felt she wasn’t ready for vaccinations? The examples just go on and on. If anything, gentle parenting says that kids feel safer when they can tell that adults are in control of structure and boundaries. The gentle part is in how you respond to their distress at bumping up against those boundaries. Letting kids decide their own major life decisions is scary, according to gentle parenting.

I think your post was, as you said, just hoping to find other parents who think pacifiers and not potty training past 3 are fine, and it seems like they are not to most of us, but I’m sure others will come along to affirm your choices.

Op here - correct it isn't gentle parenting, I read a bit and that isn't how I want to parent, I am mainly child led. Janet Lansbury is a good example.

She cried and cried for the vaccines so we chose not to give them. They're don't do anything anyway so there was no real pressure to get them. But actual important things will happen when they need to. I wanted to see if people are thinking what someone said in the store about my daughter looking too old for her pacifier. It's fine that people think that way, but it's not enough to change my way, I was interested to see if others were having the same approach. I didn't even bring up potty training, but I will defend my reason as training too early often causes problems down the line. So while I might wait later than it is possible to do so, I won't be doing it too early by trusting her

Wait, did you just say you didn’t give your kid vaccines because she cried? I’m officially calling troll on this whole thread.

Op here- she would not stay still, the paediatrician said to book another day, I decided it wasn't worth her feeling that way again, we did try to talk about it. I am not anti or pro vaccine. I had my COVID vaccine