Pretending to go to college
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Anonymous
| My cousin did that in the 1970's. Back then, parents were sending him a paper check for tuition which he was depositing for food and rent money. No idea what they did when they found out, I was a small kid, but he's been a lovely functional member of society for as long as I can remember. |
Anonymous
This! |
Anonymous
Who does any of the stuff you mention? |
Anonymous
Who doesn’t? I’ve seen my kids University badge, know their student ID number in order to pay tuition, receive emails from the university via parent distribution, met three of their friends over dinner, and hear stories about class professors, group work -who is pulling weight, who sucks as a writer, etc |
Anonymous
| You help them get a job - retail, service industry, whatever. You tell them they have 3 months. Then you help them move out to whatever they can afford and they start living real life. |
Anonymous
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Take them to a psychologist.
You need to find out why. |
Anonymous
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I would honestly be pretty angry.
Mostly due to the fact that they blatantly lied to me for so long. My disappointment in the fact that they weren’t getting an education would play a close second. What were they doing during this time?? If they were working that would be acceptable but if they were not doing anything at all during this time then that would be something serious that would warrant a huge discussion! |
Anonymous
| I hope they also created a fake 4.0 report card. |
Anonymous
+1 sibling did that -- ultimately diagnosed with a very severe mental illness that typically shows up at this age. |
Anonymous
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I would take myself to a therapist to see why I didn't see it coming. Then I would try to get the kid some help. Clearly, this was long time in works. How did you miss it?
Lucky it was not going to college and not something worse. Mine DC may choose not to go, but he wouldn't fake it. What kind of kid postpones things that would come out in no time. Sound like anxiety, but cause by what. |
Anonymous
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Family therapy to figure out why such an extended lie happened and was able to go undetected for so long, and to focus on finding ways to repair and strengthen family relationships.
Individual therapy for the young adult and for each parent if indicated as relevant and helpful based on what comes out in family therapy. The young adult must make right any financial losses of the parents due to the lying. The young adult must make a higher education or career plan they actually intend to follow, and they can only continue living at home if the parents approve of the plan and if evidence of the young adult doing what they said they would is provided to the parents periodically. |
Anonymous
This made me laugh! |
Anonymous
| So op how did they college take your money? Hmmmm. |
Anonymous
| my brother did that after he flunked out. he went back to college and my parents figured it out (this was 40 yrs ago). |
Anonymous
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DH's nephew did this. He was taking like 3 classes at NoVA. He only actually went for like a week or two.
As far as how they handled it, I think they kind of didn't. Which means you should -- that nephew is now almost 40 and has no degree and has spent most of the years unemployed and living at home and smoking weed and playing video games all night and sleeping all day. His younger sibling did better, but not by much (managed a 2-yr degree and moved out but is basically living a very low income life). |