High paying careers for academic kids with poor social skills

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offshoot of the other thread. DS is academically smart but has inattentive ADHD and poor social skills. He will be in a technical career but most technical roles also have a ton of organization politics and need the ability to build relationships with key leaders. What are the jobs for such kids.

Be Elon Musk

More seriously...I think some people with this background do better in California with the bright nerds. That's why there's that motto "Move fast and break things". Also "Minimum Viable Product". These are not prosocial, politically skilled ideas.

Also, I have a neurodivergent relative who did pretty well in a science career in California before the heyday of Silicon Valley but struggled in the Midwest and East. Among other things, people didn't like that he worked 9-9 instead of 8-5.

Going West might just work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HFA could very well be in the mix. My inattentive, asocial, ADHD/HFA kid is majoring in international affairs, with a concentration in security policy. He would be an ideal analyst working in an security organization, government agency or think tank, talking with other experts about global or domestic security threats, cyber or actual terrorism, etc.

My husband also has an inattentive, asocial ADHD/HFA profile and has a PhD in bioinformatics. He’s worked in cancer research for many years analyzing large data sets on supercomputers.

The lesson I’ve learned from these two is that they absolutely need to work in topics they’re passionate about. They cannot function in any other sphere. The job will pay what it pays. Maybe you can steer them when they’re young to influence their topics of interest.

I entirely agree that such kids need to be pushed to excel and their weaknesses bolstered as much as possible so that their achievements help counterbalance their poor social skills. At a certain level of functioning and expertise, you’re seen as «quirky » and people will accommodate you somewhat to access what you have to offer. Below that, you’re just seen as plain weird and no one will want to work with you. It takes a lot of work to develop just enough awareness in that individual so they package themselves this side of crazy.

Sorry to be blunt.

Op here. This really resonates with me. DS is 12 and absolutely cannot do admiring outside his interest area. He is very interested in aerospace, cars and space in general. I can see majoring in Aerospace engineering but all the Lockheed Martin’s and Boeings involve a lot of politics too.
He may have HFA as well. Tests say no but I see traits.
He will not do team sports. We started therapy but he hated it. I think more explicit instruction at home may be wise helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the worst combo, IMO.

I’d focus on getting him social skill help. That means you’re going to have to do what you don’t want to do, which is kill the electronics at home and really take the time to work on this. Whatever age he is, he’s too young for you to just give up on this part of him.

DP here. My son is an 18-year-old college student with HFA, and we had very strict "electronics at home" rules. He had hours and hours and hours of social skill help while he was growing up. We did not "give up on this part of him," but the reality is that he will always have relatively poor social skills compared to his neurotypical peers.

So I'm in the same boat, OP. I'm not sure where he will end up. Right now, he is majoring in Biology, which doesn't seem like it will lead to a good career. However, he loves learning about animals and nature. Maybe he will be able to do some some of field work? Except he hates bad weather. Ha! He is above average academically, but not talented enough for a CS or math/actuary degree -- he is missing the ability to see things logically, I think. I tried to steer him into Accounting, but he says is it boring.

In a very similar situation. I fear what his future will look like.

[Anonymous]

DC with HFA plans to become an engineer. Probably IC for life. Fortunately he’s technical strong and gets things done.

[Anonymous]

Actuary
Accountant
IT systems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HFA could very well be in the mix. My inattentive, asocial, ADHD/HFA kid is majoring in international affairs, with a concentration in security policy. He would be an ideal analyst working in an security organization, government agency or think tank, talking with other experts about global or domestic security threats, cyber or actual terrorism, etc.

My husband also has an inattentive, asocial ADHD/HFA profile and has a PhD in bioinformatics. He’s worked in cancer research for many years analyzing large data sets on supercomputers.

The lesson I’ve learned from these two is that they absolutely need to work in topics they’re passionate about. They cannot function in any other sphere. The job will pay what it pays. Maybe you can steer them when they’re young to influence their topics of interest.

I entirely agree that such kids need to be pushed to excel and their weaknesses bolstered as much as possible so that their achievements help counterbalance their poor social skills. At a certain level of functioning and expertise, you’re seen as «quirky » and people will accommodate you somewhat to access what you have to offer. Below that, you’re just seen as plain weird and no one will want to work with you. It takes a lot of work to develop just enough awareness in that individual so they package themselves this side of crazy.

Sorry to be blunt.

Op here. This really resonates with me. DS is 12 and absolutely cannot do admiring outside his interest area. He is very interested in aerospace, cars and space in general. I can see majoring in Aerospace engineering but all the Lockheed Martin’s and Boeings involve a lot of politics too.
He may have HFA as well. Tests say no but I see traits.
He will not do team sports. We started therapy but he hated it. I think more explicit instruction at home may be wise helps.

OP what tests? There aren't HFA tests. You fill out questionnaires and so do the teachers. The assessor also spends a lot of time with him doing an interview and may even do an observation and will interview the parents. I have not heard of tests saying "no" if there is a suspicion. Usually they include r/o ASD which means "rule out." In the psychology world rule out means, need to rule out, but cannot yet. It does NOT mean, they have ruled out the disorder. It means they suspect eh disorder, but don't have enough evidence at the present time.

[Anonymous]

Data analyst?

What about a technical writer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the worst combo, IMO.

I’d focus on getting him social skill help. That means you’re going to have to do what you don’t want to do, which is kill the electronics at home and really take the time to work on this. Whatever age he is, he’s too young for you to just give up on this part of him.

DP here. My son is an 18-year-old college student with HFA, and we had very strict "electronics at home" rules. He had hours and hours and hours of social skill help while he was growing up. We did not "give up on this part of him," but the reality is that he will always have relatively poor social skills compared to his neurotypical peers.

So I'm in the same boat, OP. I'm not sure where he will end up. Right now, he is majoring in Biology, which doesn't seem like it will lead to a good career. However, he loves learning about animals and nature. Maybe he will be able to do some some of field work? Except he hates bad weather. Ha! He is above average academically, but not talented enough for a CS or math/actuary degree -- he is missing the ability to see things logically, I think. I tried to steer him into Accounting, but he says is it boring.

Lol. I assume OP would have divulged it in the OP if her child were dealing with HFA. She didn't.

Lol? Really, PP?

Yes. You’re trying to hijack a response that includes some very good advice for 95% of kids in this situation - which is that the family needs to put some muscle into dealing with their kid before they send him out into the world, where this kind of personality oftentimes has disastrous results. Especially when the expectation/hope is that the child will be high earning and professionally successful.

+1000

Lots of entitlement and narcissism among booksmart but low EQ young adults. Resentment that they aren't earning $200k/year by age 30, which everyone told them that they'd end up doing because "ooooo Larla is so smart!"

OP, inattentive ADHD is simply NOT an excuse for your kid to have poor social skills. If your kid had something like HFA then I'd understand, but inattentive ADHD is NOT a death sentence for low EQ. Make sure your kid gets medication, executive functioning coaching, and arguably most important, a few years playing a team sport (no cross country or tennis!) and a job waiting tables.

I very much agree with this last part, as the parent of a 22 year-old who fits the description painted by OP. I saw DS grow exponentially after he was forced to get a retail job. The transformation was unbelievable.

I also was ruthless in calling out poor social skill behavior whenever I saw it. I did not pull any punches and I connected his weird behavior in the moment to what his life would look like at 30, 40 and 50 if he kept acting like that.

I would acknowledge that the motivation to act weirdly in the moment was natural and authentic to him, and that he needed to muster all of his strength, nevertheless to override that. If we wanted to call it acting, so be it. In my humble opinion, a lot of parents, especially mother’s pussyfoot around this reality and won’t speak frankly because it might hurt the kids feelings

But the truth is their feelings are gonna get hurt now or later, and by being ruthlessly candid when they’re younger, you possibly might head off deeper pain through throughout their lifetime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HFA could very well be in the mix. My inattentive, asocial, ADHD/HFA kid is majoring in international affairs, with a concentration in security policy. He would be an ideal analyst working in an security organization, government agency or think tank, talking with other experts about global or domestic security threats, cyber or actual terrorism, etc.

My husband also has an inattentive, asocial ADHD/HFA profile and has a PhD in bioinformatics. He’s worked in cancer research for many years analyzing large data sets on supercomputers.

The lesson I’ve learned from these two is that they absolutely need to work in topics they’re passionate about. They cannot function in any other sphere. The job will pay what it pays. Maybe you can steer them when they’re young to influence their topics of interest.

I entirely agree that such kids need to be pushed to excel and their weaknesses bolstered as much as possible so that their achievements help counterbalance their poor social skills. At a certain level of functioning and expertise, you’re seen as «quirky » and people will accommodate you somewhat to access what you have to offer. Below that, you’re just seen as plain weird and no one will want to work with you. It takes a lot of work to develop just enough awareness in that individual so they package themselves this side of crazy.

Sorry to be blunt.

Blunt is necessary. For the International affairs/ security policy do you need a lot of math?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the worst combo, IMO.

I’d focus on getting him social skill help. That means you’re going to have to do what you don’t want to do, which is kill the electronics at home and really take the time to work on this. Whatever age he is, he’s too young for you to just give up on this part of him.

DP here. My son is an 18-year-old college student with HFA, and we had very strict "electronics at home" rules. He had hours and hours and hours of social skill help while he was growing up. We did not "give up on this part of him," but the reality is that he will always have relatively poor social skills compared to his neurotypical peers.

So I'm in the same boat, OP. I'm not sure where he will end up. Right now, he is majoring in Biology, which doesn't seem like it will lead to a good career. However, he loves learning about animals and nature. Maybe he will be able to do some some of field work? Except he hates bad weather. Ha! He is above average academically, but not talented enough for a CS or math/actuary degree -- he is missing the ability to see things logically, I think. I tried to steer him into Accounting, but he says is it boring.

Lol. I assume OP would have divulged it in the OP if her child were dealing with HFA. She didn't.

Lol? Really, PP?

Yes. You’re trying to hijack a response that includes some very good advice for 95% of kids in this situation - which is that the family needs to put some muscle into dealing with their kid before they send him out into the world, where this kind of personality oftentimes has disastrous results. Especially when the expectation/hope is that the child will be high earning and professionally successful.

+1000

Lots of entitlement and narcissism among booksmart but low EQ young adults. Resentment that they aren't earning $200k/year by age 30, which everyone told them that they'd end up doing because "ooooo Larla is so smart!"

OP, inattentive ADHD is simply NOT an excuse for your kid to have poor social skills. If your kid had something like HFA then I'd understand, but inattentive ADHD is NOT a death sentence for low EQ. Make sure your kid gets medication, executive functioning coaching, and arguably most important, a few years playing a team sport (no cross country or tennis!) and a job waiting tables.

So white response. Narrowed minded and “I am always right tone.”