Don’t like the coach but school is a good fit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--to clarify: the interaction with the coach was not great because the coach didn't seem to have any interest in engaging with our DS. He wasn't able to hold a basic conversation (eg what team do you play for, what position do you play, etc), which we found a bit alarming for someone who works with kids. I'm okay with the reality that my kid is not someone this coach is interested in recruiting, but I would expect an adult coach at an open house to be able to interact with kids on a basic level regardless of whether the kid was a potential recruit. His inability to do so has me really questioning the school's judgment because this guy is also a teacher.

Omg. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you expecting for a varsity coach conversation with a sporty 7th grader?

At this stage I'm not expecting a whole lot, but eye contact and a basic level of conversation like "where do you play" would be a good start. Or even just tell us about the program at the school. This guy talked about himself--not the program at the school--and asked DS no questions. DS asked if they ever did workouts with kids who are looking at the school and he said yes but then gave no indication of when that might happen or how we might find out about that which was weird. Everyone else at this event was either in 7th or 8th grade as best I could tell.

This is not something that I’d read much into. If he’s a varsity coach, he’s used to interacting with much older kids in 11th and 12th vs 7th. Maybe a rare 9th or 10th grader. This says nothing about how he coaches or interacts with his players. In addition, coaches definitely come and go in private schools so he might not be coaching when your child is ready to play. Plus, there’s never any guarantee of making a team so you are getting way ahead.

I understand how sports can feel like an important factor as I have two boys who lived for sports in middle school but I wouldn’t overthink something that is so far off. Your son isn’t going to know if he’s even accepted to the school for another year so why not apply and then do some updated research when it’s actually time to commit.

Keep this in mind:

Your son may not be accepted.

He might be accepted but the coach will be replaced.

He might be accepted but decide he doesn’t want to play the same sport (my son played baseball k-8 only to suddenly quit before HS tryouts).

He might be accepted and continue to play his sport but not make the team.

He might be accepted and make the JV team so have the JV coach and a few years later find he has a new varsity coach.

Might he end up playing for this coach 4 years from now? Sure. But it seems like a lot can change. He will also be a different player in 4 years and be able to better relate to the coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--to clarify: the interaction with the coach was not great because the coach didn't seem to have any interest in engagement with our DS. He wasn't able to hold a basic conversation (eg what team do you play for, what position do you play, etc), which we found a bit alarming for someone who works with kids. I'm okay with the reality that my kid is not someone this coach is interested in recruiting, but I would expect an adult coach at an open house to be able to interact with kids on a basic level regardless of whether the kid was a potential recruit. His inability to do so has me really questioning the school's judgment because this guy is also a teacher.

My vote is: this is not at all a valid reason to reject school/coach. You or your kid had, what, like a 4 minute conversation? That’s absolutely no reason to not choose a school. Plus, those open houses are nightmares. Millions of kids/families. Guy could’ve just been exhausted. I mean, really, just choosing a HS based on a sports coach — specifically where you know the kid isn’t going to play in college (meaning for many sports in our area, they won’t make the varsity team anuway) — is just terrible imo.

[Anonymous]

Oh and stop saying “didn’t like coach”. Whether it comes from OP or DS, this brief interaction is insufficient to draw that conclusion. People shouldn’t be so intolerant. Maybe give a person the benefit of doubt before you draw every negative conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people jumping down OP’s throat but the reality is that all interactions with a school are in fact datapoints that we use to decide where to apply/attend. We had some bad experiences when applying schools and decided not to apply although on paper that school seemed like a great place for DCs. I don’t think a less than stellar convo with a coach would be a dealbreaker, but multiple meh interactions or impressions from the school might.

Best practice: Prioritize the academics being a good fit and then go from there. Learn as much as you can about all of the schools on your list, shadow, connect with actual families to get their download on the good and bad. With youngest DC we did ultimately opt not to apply to a school because of a coach because we had another option where we felt they would get equally good academic preparation for college and we liked the coach for their primary sport. DC was not a recruited athlete so we knew their were no guarantees going in but there were enough datapoints for the coach at the school where we didn’t apply. That decision however was made with significantly more info than a single convo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people jumping down OP’s throat but the reality is that all interactions with a school are in fact datapoints that we use to decide where to apply/attend. We had some bad experiences when applying schools and decided not to apply although on paper that school seemed like a great place for DCs. I don’t think a less than stellar convo with a coach would be a dealbreaker, but multiple meh interactions or impressions from the school might.

Best practice: Prioritize the academics being a good fit and then go from there. Learn as much as you can about all of the schools on your list, shadow, connect with actual families to get their download on the good and bad. With youngest DC we did ultimately opt not to apply to a school because of a coach because we had another option where we felt they would get equally good academic preparation for college and we liked the coach for their primary sport. DC was not a recruited athlete so we knew there were no guarantees going in but there were enough datapoints for the coach at the school where we didn’t apply. That decision however was made with significantly more info than a single convo.

For all op knows, the coach’s dog might have died that morning. Op is majorly inflating the value of this single interaction. Yes, it’s a data point, but it should be an insignificant one for a seventh grader who is a year out from applying and two years out from matriculating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people jumping down OP’s throat but the reality is that all interactions with a school are in fact datapoints that we use to decide where to apply/attend. We had some bad experiences when applying schools and decided not to apply although on paper that school seemed like a great place for DCs. I don’t think a less than stellar convo with a coach would be a dealbreaker, but multiple meh interactions or impressions from the school might.

Best practice: Prioritize the academics being a good fit and then go from there. Learn as much as you can about all of the schools on your list, shadow, connect with actual families to get their download on the good and bad. With youngest DC we did ultimately opt not to apply to a school because of a coach because we had another option where we felt they would get equally good academic preparation for college and we liked the coach for their primary sport. DC was not a recruited athlete so we knew there were no guarantees going in but there were enough datapoints for the coach at the school where we didn’t apply. That decision however was made with significantly more info than a single convo.

For all op knows, the coach’s dog might have died that morning. Op is majorly inflating the value of this single interaction. Yes, it’s a data point, but it should be an insignificant one for a seventh grader who is a year out from applying and two years out from matriculating.

And likely 3-4 years out from falling under the purview of the varsity coach.

[Anonymous]

I suspect it could be because your kid is in 7th. At this point, HS coaches would be focused on 8th graders getting offers shortly.

Try again in the fall and see if you get a different reception.

[Anonymous]

This would have no bearing on my decision.
I have 3 kids who play(ed) varsity sports. I remember have the same experience, chose the school based on multiple factors, sports being a minuscule factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would have no bearing on my decision.
I have 3 kids who play(ed) varsity sports. I remember have the same experience, chose the school based on multiple factors, sports being a minuscule factor.

+1

And the coach/program did turn out to be the only lowlight in our kid’s HS experience. All the teachers were fantastic. Academics top-notch. Administration great. Preparedness for college wonderful. But, the Coach/program- was about as bad as it gets in terms of politics/unprofessionalism and just basic courtesy. And my kids have played for all kinds and dealt with it. Kid is playing D1 now so not playing HS didn’t even matter, but it did put a damper on his experience at the time for a bit. But, hey, that’s fuel.

[Anonymous]

A similar dynamic did influence my kid. Not a recruit, but the sport and wanting to play and having it be a good part of his high school experience was important to him. He chose a different school where the people and the vibe clicked better. The school was not as strong in the sport, but he loved doing it, they won championships, he was team captain, etc. It was an overall net positive to choosing the school, that I don't think would have happened at the school where he got the negative vibe from the coach. But who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A similar dynamic did influence my kid. Not a recruit, but the sport and wanting to play and having it be a good part of his high school experience was important to him. He chose a different school where the people and the vibe clicked better. The school was not as strong in the sport, but he loved doing it, they won championships, he was team captain, etc. It was an overall net positive to choosing the school, that I don't think would have happened at the school where he got the negative vibe from the coach. But who knows?

We should have paid a lot more attention to the coaches of the sport our kid and our kids' friends wanted to play in high school. We undervalued how important being able to participate in the sport was for them, and the coaches' incompetence became a major issue as to whether they would remain at the same high school for 4 years. Parents worked out an alternative, but I do wish we had given more weight to our concerns about how poorly the coaches interacted with kids interested in going to the school.

[Anonymous]

Not saying you dismiss a school based on one interaction in 7th grade but I do think coaches should factor into the equation. Yes, they come and go and not all coaches are amazing communicators BUT part of finding overall fit for our family included finding coaches/athletics we felt okay with for DSs. Agree with PP who said find the academic fits first then start looking at other factors on your list that are important to you. If that’s sports, look at the overall athletic department mentality/approach and requirements to see if that lines up with what your kids need. In terms of getting a sense of what coaches are like—go to games and watch how they interact with players/refs, follow them on SM, go to work outs if they offer them, talk to current families about their etc. And at the end of the day, they will have to make the team—or they won’t and that’s part of HS.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t college - you aren’t deciding on a school to ED. Apply and see if your kid gets in. At that point, have him talk to the coach again and see if he gets the same vibe. Use that as a data point to decide whether to attend. Compare to other schools if your kid has multiple acceptances. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--to clarify: the interaction with the coach was not great because the coach didn't seem to have any interest in engagement with our DS. He wasn't able to hold a basic conversation (eg what team do you play for, what position do you play, etc), which we found a bit alarming for someone who works with kids. I'm okay with the reality that my kid is not someone this coach is interested in recruiting, but I would expect an adult coach at an open house to be able to interact with kids on a basic level regardless of whether the kid was a potential recruit. His inability to do so has me really questioning the school's judgment because this guy is also a teacher.

My vote is: this is not at all a valid reason to reject school/coach. You or your kid had, what, like a 4 minute conversation? That’s absolutely no reason to not choose a school. Plus, those open houses are nightmares. Millions of kids/families. Guy could’ve just been exhausted. I mean, really, just choosing a HS based on a sports coach — specifically where you know the kid isn’t going to play in college (meaning for many sports in our area, they won’t make the varsity team anuway) — is just terrible imo.

+1,000.

Add in that your child is a 7th grader, and he may have been talking about the program and himself rather than so-called recruiting your 12yr old. Go ahead and apply and see if he gets in. That whole process will probably also include a tour, a shadow day, other chances to ask questions. It may end up being a great fit, or it might not, but a single data point that is lower on the priority list should deter you from applying.