DD is 13. One of her closest friends is 15. Should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is absolutely nothing sketchy or wrong with this scenario. In fact, it happens quite frequently when sports are involved. I played up on Varsity as a freshman in two sports and because the vast majority of my time was spent at practices and games, teammates became some of my closest friends.

THIS. My DD is a senior and there were a few 9th and 10th graders on varsity this year. She texts/FTs with a few of them and drives them around sometime (football games and stuff). I was the same in HS. What's the problem?

[Anonymous]

I was in an activity in high school ages 13 through 18. When I was 16 two of my best friends were 14. Two years is nothing.

[Anonymous]

No, this seems totally fine to me…especially at this particular age and older. If one was 11 and the other 13 I’d think it was little more odd but the older kids her the less odd this seems.

Plus this is the age gap of my daughters. My freshman is on a sports team and has made friends with juniors who are also friends with her sister who is a junior. Also with the way she cut offs go, a 13 yo 8th grader and 15 yo 9th grader is really nothing.

I do find in these scenarios that when a 13 yo wants to hang out with high schoolers, it’s sometimes a little concerning bc they are interested in boys/parties/etc but just as often it’s that the 15 yo is NOT interested in those things and finds a friendship with someone a little younger to be safer without pressures of growing up. You should have a sense of which one is at play here (the latter sounds more likely)

[Anonymous]

My best friends in high school were 1 -2 years older than me. It was great. They drove me around eveywhere and i got to get a preview of college with them. The sad part was, they graduated HS and senior year was a bit lonely without bffs

[Anonymous]

15 yo’s drink and smoke pot so yes I’d keep an eye on it.

Plus she will be 14-15 and the friend 17-18, who could be sexually active.

My son was always playing with seniors as an 8th grader- 9th grader.

No you can’t go to a party with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in an activity in high school ages 13 through 18. When I was 16 two of my best friends were 14. Two years is nothing.

Were those activities church group or were those activities smoking pot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is developmentally appropriate. It’s great they get along and if your daughter was included in larger hangouts with the team, but this girl “frequently” wanting to hang out with your 13 yrs old daughter is odd. Doesn’t she have friends in her own grade, if not, why?

Actually, what's developmentally inappropriate is the expectation that kids will only socialize with other kids "their own age", generally determined by what grade they are in. Kids of all ages benefit from socializing with kids both older and younger than they are. This used to happen naturally within the context of large extended families/communities, but these days kids relationships are so structured and orchestrated by parents it's much rarer. Kids who are emotionally mature don't balk at the idea of socializing/mentoring kids who are younger than they are. I think it's great.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

That sounds nice and there’s no issue. Let them become friends!

[Anonymous]

They are on a competitive sports team together. There is no issue here. They spend a lot of time together and are friends.

[Anonymous]

17:23 and I’ll add that my 16 yo son is close friends with an 18 yo and in a similar situation. If it was a random 18 he just met I would be concern. It’s an 18 year old through a common interest and they spend a lot of time together because of it. They are legit friends and it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:23 and I’ll add that my 16 yo son is close friends with an 18 yo and in a similar situation. If it was a random 18 he just met I would be concern. It’s an 18 year old through a common interest and they spend a lot of time together because of it. They are legit friends and it’s fine.

Yes my 17 yo junior has a couple friends who are in college now. They hung out as sophomores/seniors - our next door neighbor is one grade up and a good friend and these were HER friends…one grade up. Really no big deal.

[Anonymous]

My girls are 19 months apart so until recently they were 15 and 13. They get along great with each other and also with each other's friends. And if they're focused on their sport they've got more in common and mutual friends that they wouldn't have otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in an activity in high school ages 13 through 18. When I was 16 two of my best friends were 14. Two years is nothing.

Were those activities church group or were those activities smoking pot?

No religion involved. Our friends were all about 14-17 years old and the oldest weren’t necessarily the ones smoking pot. My younger friends had sex way before me. There’s not a timeline that everyone goes through at the exact same time.

[Anonymous]

I was a 3-sport athlete in a very difficult private high school where everyone was serious about school and sports and when I was a freshman I made varsity for two of the sports and hung out with older girls. It was totally fine- they were all great to me and I didn’t grow up and “faster” than I would have otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is developmentally appropriate. It’s great they get along and if your daughter was included in larger hangouts with the team, but this girl “frequently” wanting to hang out with your 13 yrs old daughter is odd. Doesn’t she have friends in her own grade, if not, why?

Actually, what's developmentally inappropriate is the expectation that kids will only socialize with other kids "their own age", generally determined by what grade they are in. Kids of all ages benefit from socializing with kids both older and younger than they are. This used to happen naturally within the context of large extended families/communities, but these days kids relationships are so structured and orchestrated by parents it's much rarer. Kids who are emotionally mature don't balk at the idea of socializing/mentoring kids who are younger than they are. I think it's great.

Socializing is a very vague term. I think it’s fine to socialize and be friends with an age range. But for a 15 yr old to want to be BFFs and seek frequently hanging out 1:1 with a 13 yr old seem like it could lead to trouble. There is a big maturity and developmental difference between 13 and 15. If I were the parent, I would put the breaks on how often they hang out and lean more toward group/team hangouts.