Feel uncomfortable around kids of same heritage

[Anonymous]

Where are his grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Some kids feel like they are Americans and only want to speak American English.

My assistant and her husband were born and raised in Puerto Rico. Her son told both his parents that he was an American and had no interest speaking or learning Spanish. This was around age 8 or 10.

[Anonymous]

22:51 poster

Larlo the son of Puerto Rican American parents would feel that his heritage was American.
Within his American heritage he would be comfortable hanging out with white and African American kids and would classify all as Americans.

[Anonymous]

My DD feels like this because gatekeeping moms of kids of the same ethnic heritage as her were talking trash about kids who were kids of 1st and 2nd gen parents. In our case, we are from pretty much the same place but very different cultures and generations. The more recent immigrants and expats speak a different language than we do so there are cultural barriers between us.

The kids would repeat stuff to her at school, especially during our holidays, and taunt her by saying that she wasn’t the ethnic background we are and that it wasn’t her holiday. It is not surprising that she feels uncomfortable around kids of her own heritage, because many of them are narrow-minded and nasty. She gravitates towards 1st and 2nd gen kids who are the same race but from different countries/ethnicities/backgrounds.

Sorry, OP, but this is pretty normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids feel like they are Americans and only want to speak American English.

My assistant and her husband were born and raised in Puerto Rico. Her son told both his parents that he was an American and had no interest speaking or learning Spanish. This was around age 8 or 10.

Wow. He would be backhanded in our household for that display of rudeness and arrogance. I don’t put up with that sh*t.

[Anonymous]

If you and your husband speak the language, then you should speak it exclusively to your child. This is the only reason I know my parents language, and even then I understand it all, I can barely speak it.

The more you force "exposure", the more he will reject it. My parents forced me to spend time with their friends and their friends' kids and they were awful and I rejected their culture. I am married to a white man, my kids are basically white. We don't do anything related to my family's culture because of all the negative connotations. Yeah, my kids are missing out, but oh well, we're in the melting pot of America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids feel like they are Americans and only want to speak American English.

My assistant and her husband were born and raised in Puerto Rico. Her son told both his parents that he was an American and had no interest speaking or learning Spanish. This was around age 8 or 10.

Wow. He would be backhanded in our household for that display of rudeness and arrogance. I don’t put up with that sh*t.

Here in America we don’t condone child abuse for a kid having a different opinion than their parents. Why come here if you don’t like our values?

[Anonymous]

Op here. Grandparents don't live with us, and I am the translator between my parents & grandkids when they visit. DH & I cannot speak that language fluently, and I don't want them to pick up our poor prounciation. DH sees himself as American because he was born/raised here. Kids probably see themselves as American and they don't see the reason why they have to learn other language. We speak a mix of 90% English & 10% of that language to kids, but somehow both kids probably decide to not listen & have no desire to learn when we speak that language to them.

I was not aware that those classes will be taught in other language because it is not supposed to be a language class. I signed up both kids, one for dance & one for stem subject. The teachers were " shocked" that my kids could only speak/understand English, and now they have to teach everyone in English. Their English have many accents, and I don't even know if my kids understand them fully. I was " shocked" and embarrassed as well. It was my friend who tells me that they teach in English when it comes to extra- curricular classes. Oh well, I have talked to teachers after classes, and they seem to be fine with my kids in the class.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that social anxiety is playing a part in slowing your son’s language acquisition?

I’m an educator, and occasionally I see kids from dual-language households develop selective mutism in certain settings—usually while interacting in their second/less conversational language.

[Anonymous]

Just try having daily routine be in your heritage language.

So think of the same phrases you will say for the same activities:

Time to wake up

Time to eat

Wash your hands

Go brush your teeth

Did you have fun?

How was school?

Etc.
Use these phrases every single day, even if at first you have to repeat the phrase in English to get him to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Grandparents don't live with us, and I am the translator between my parents & grandkids when they visit. DH & I cannot speak that language fluently, and I don't want them to pick up our poor prounciation. DH sees himself as American because he was born/raised here. Kids probably see themselves as American and they don't see the reason why they have to learn other language. We speak a mix of 90% English & 10% of that language to kids, but somehow both kids probably decide to not listen & have no desire to learn when we speak that language to them.

I was not aware that those classes will be taught in other language because it is not supposed to be a language class. I signed up both kids, one for dance & one for stem subject. The teachers were " shocked" that my kids could only speak/understand English, and now they have to teach everyone in English. Their English have many accents, and I don't even know if my kids understand them fully. I was " shocked" and embarrassed as well. It was my friend who tells me that they teach in English when it comes to extra- curricular classes. Oh well, I have talked to teachers after classes, and they seem to be fine with my kids in the class.

I would not be happy if all the teachers switched to teaching in English based on just your kid. That’s unfair to the other kids, whose parents probably want more exposure to the heritage language. And these kids should be able to get good explanations and info from the teachers, not halting English ones because of your kid! Pull him now and find a more suitable class.

[Anonymous]

Just tell us what language your are talking about. You will probably get better recommendations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids feel like they are Americans and only want to speak American English.

My assistant and her husband were born and raised in Puerto Rico. Her son told both his parents that he was an American and had no interest speaking or learning Spanish. This was around age 8 or 10.

Wow. He would be backhanded in our household for that display of rudeness and arrogance. I don’t put up with that sh*t.

Here in America we don’t condone child abuse for a kid having a different opinion than their parents. Why come here if you don’t like our values?

I don't hit my kids but I wouldn't put up with that sort of immaturity either. At 8, it's normal not to understand the value of one's roots. But as adults, they will FOR SURE regret it if their parents allow them to detach from their culture of origin. So our job as multilingual and multicultural parents is to force the language learning until they're old enough to appreciate it. Which has happened for both of my children, now young adults and teens, who are bilingual and bicultural in our maternal tongue.

My mother and father come from different countries, with different languages, religions, cuisines, etc. I grew up hearing my maternal language, but not my paternal language. My father spoke my mother's language. As an adult, I deeply regret not having been made to study my paternal language. At 44, I have just now started to take baby steps with the Duolingo app. It's fun, but since I don't live in my father's country and don't have time to truly immerse myself, I know I will never achieve real proficiency in my paternal language.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have had explicit conversations in our house - that they should be proud of where their families are from but also that they won’t know everything a 1st or 2nd gen kid will. And if called on that, give them the tools to speak up for themselves - their grandparents came to this country when they were in their 30s. It’s not the same. Nothing to be ashamed of but give them the tools to be comfortable in their own skin. They don’t need to try to match what other kids do or know, when they are exposed to the culture nonstop.