Feel uncomfortable around kids of same heritage
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Anonymous
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Due to many reasons, my son cannot speak our home language. He is born here, and he does not get much exposure with kids from our heritage. He is not much intereated in our hertiage's language, food and culture. Our school amd neighborhood are like 70% white. I have enrolled him in weekend classes that teacher and kids are all from same heritage, and he is the only kid that does not understand/ speak it. They adapt to him and all speak in English. I can tell that he feels insecure and uncomfortable with kids that look like him. Will constant exposure help? My another younger child has no problem interacting with kids look alike her even though she can't speak the language.
He has been forced by us to learn that language for 3 plus years through language school/1:1 online classes, and he still cannot pass the basic levels. |
Anonymous
| Do you speak it at home? |
Anonymous
How old is he now? I don’t know where you are located, but maybe look at weekend language schools that have more third generation and mixed heritage kids. |
Anonymous
| Do you feel it to be important for him to be in this environment? I can understand why that might be the case, but I also wonder if it is worth the effort if he has friends and social relationships elsewhere that he is already happy with. |
Anonymous
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It doesn't sound like he's uncomfortable among "kids of same heritage. "
It's uncomfortable being among kids who share different native language. You can't fix this with one day and week school class. For whatever reason you guys aren't natives speakers of the language at home, which is fine. He's assimilated into the mainstream culture. Your younger kid is younger, and so has less social awareness. Don't try to compare them. |
Anonymous
| Are you not speaking the language at home?? |
Anonymous
| You have until them babies are 12 to hurry up and teach them that language easily. After that it gets much harder. |
Anonymous
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If you are not speaking it at home, weekend language classes that are a couple of hours a week aren't going to make him a native speaker.
A person needs to live the language, not get it in a classroom. |
Anonymous
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Maybe you could send him or go with him as a family to Concordia Language Village Summer Camp. This institution is more for people coming from outside the heritage/culture.
They have Chinese and Korean offerings as well as European languages. Even online classes. https://www.concordialanguagevillages.org/ Maybe if he's with kids who aren't from his heritage it could be motivating? Or he might be better at it and that would improve his morale? You could also try 1:1 tutoring or even scheduled in-language kids' t.v. shows. My Anglo-American kid started learning Chinese because of a Chinese-American friend. He went to the summer immersion camp at Concordia and had a lot of fun. His Chinese-American friend can speak but can't read characters so that kid is taking high school Chinese for native speakers (in NYC). I am grateful that this friendship helped my son love foreign language learning because he disliked Spanish and he must have language credit to graduate high school. I'm telling you this to explain that people need internal social motivation to master language. Sometimes parent insistence on weekend school is enough but I've known several families where the kid quit. A common thread was that the parents didn't use the language at home. Some older kids and adults I know do seem to regret that they quit their language study. So I think it's okay to continue a bit longer even if it doesn't seem really productive. Just make sure your kid doesn't "hate it". A little insecurity and discomfort is o.k. but you don't want him to reject the language and culture. If it gets too negative, I would pause the lessons. |
Anonymous
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My son with inattentive ADHD, high-functioning autism and low processing speed takes longer to learn than my neurotypical daughter. Yet by dint of sustained effort, he did manage to learn our native language in a weekend school from late elementary to middle of high school. He continues to study the language in college, because his plan is to travel to our home country for a study abroad program.
Perhaps you should get your son tested for various learning disabilities. Please persevere and help him as much as you can (drill vocab words, re-explain conjugations or declensions or whatever's complicated about your language). Eventually, he'll get it. Do not give up on him! |
Anonymous
| If no speak at home never learn boo |
Anonymous
Oh, I didn't catch that you might not speak the language at home? I spoke my native language to my kids when they were little, selected books for them in that language, watched a few TV series (hard to find), and helped them with their homework. It takes a lot of work, but a connection to one's roots is entirely worth the effort. If you don't speak it yourself, I agree that you will need to spend a lot in one-on-one tutors over the years. And don't worry about the lack of interest now. When kids are little, they don't understand why they need to work more than the American kids and go to weekend school. It's only when they're older that they get the benefits of having a second (or third) language. It looks great for college admissions, it makes them look smart compared to one-language people, and most importantly, it helps them process who they are and where they come from. That is key. It can also stave off feelings of not belonging and rebellious "finding oneself" periods as adolescents, which is not a negligible benefit, considering all the shenanigans that teens can get into these days. |
Anonymous
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I have an 8 year old that does speak the heritage language, and we did about 1000% the exposure you are doing. You have to decide whether or not you are in or out. We do extremely strict OPOL method, I essentially never break. If you are in, than YOU need to find friends for yourself that speak the language so the child hears it "in the wild", have the radio in the morning play in that language, watch PawPatrol, PJ Masks, whatever cartoons that he knows but in the heritage language, movie night at home for the whole family in heritage language with subtitles, tons of easy books at home, magazines, etc.
And please - talk to the teachers at the weekend school. I would be pissed if i knew there was a non-speaking child in our class, as it forces the whole class to switch to english, with the little speaking time they already get. Make sure it's not a problem. And maybe look for one on one online classes. Lastly, i liked this book, it helped me understand my head: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/676286/parenting-with-an-accent-by-masha-rumer/ |
Anonymous
| It’s tough when you don’t speak it at home. So he is unable to understand the language unlike the other kids, which makes him a bit of an outsider. I agree with PP—find a language class meant for people who are completely new to it. |
Anonymous
| OP you should take a class or two and speak basic heritage language in the home. Give him the opportunity to practice with you, even if it’s just simple things. If he is embarrassed at language school and not speaking there, you need to start. |