Is it reasonable to ask my 12 year old daughter to clean the bathroom?

[Anonymous]

Of course.

[Anonymous]

Good age to start learning basic life skills. Don’t pay her though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is that you're paying her. That turns it into a job, and people are free to decline jobs. That's different from it being her responsibility as a member of the family who uses the bathroom.

This. Unfortunately I don't have good advice on walking this back, but it shouldn't be something she's paid for.

+2

[Anonymous]

Absolutely yes. Mine must do it every Saturday morning.

She also is responsible for cleaning the kitchen one week a month. (Each DD does one week a month.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is that you're paying her. That turns it into a job, and people are free to decline jobs. That's different from it being her responsibility as a member of the family who uses the bathroom.

+1 this is a family chore. Not a job. You can offer to pay her for extra work around the house like washing windows or scrubbing walls, but not weekly cleaning.

I’d have a reset conversation about the expectations and tell her you will keep giving her money as an allowance. But the bathroom is nonnegotiable. And complaining about it after getting a warning will get her a punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her friends probably don't do it, but you are doing the right thing to raise her.

Help her learn to do it. Clean with her, build pleasant associations, and remark upon how nice a clean bathroom is.

+1.

Of course it’s reasonable to have her clean the bathroom. She probably won’t do a good job, she’ll rush it to get it done, but you can show her that with a little effort it isn’t that terrible of a task.

And her friends probably don’t have to touch a cleaning product. My kids complain about this all the time, and it’s true since nearly all of their friends’ families have cleaning services. But oh well!

[Anonymous]

We clean our own home (by choice, we can afford cleaners but don’t like or want them) and my teens complain about it. They say no one they know has to clean and I believe them. But too bad so sad. It’s a life skill and I believe I am ultimately doing them a service, even if they later choose to pay for cleaners (which we did for a few years when they were babies and toddlers.)

[Anonymous]

I just told my 9 and 11 year old that they are going to clean their bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is that you're paying her. That turns it into a job, and people are free to decline jobs. That's different from it being her responsibility as a member of the family who uses the bathroom.

+1 this is a family chore. Not a job. You can offer to pay her for extra work around the house like washing windows or scrubbing walls, but not weekly cleaning.

I’d have a reset conversation about the expectations and tell her you will keep giving her money as an allowance. But the bathroom is nonnegotiable. And complaining about it after getting a warning will get her a punishment.

Yes, this. My kids understood that, as members of the household, they were expected to complete chores. If they wanted to earn money I could find extra things around the house for them to do.

[Anonymous]

I would not make my daughter clean a bathroom shared with a male relative unless you have one who actually wipes the toilet and floor down each time they use it. She didn't sign up for wiping up her dad's pee.

If it's her own bathroom, sure.

[Anonymous]

1. Yes, yes, yes.
2. Don’t pay her. Just take away privileges until done well.
3. Brace yourself for a fight. But be aware this is parenting, and it has a purpose. Better she learns from you than from a future boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her friends probably don't do it, but you are doing the right thing to raise her.

Help her learn to do it. Clean with her, build pleasant associations, and remark upon how nice a clean bathroom is.

This. I take the approach that it's teaching life skills. I have taught my son to do it. He didn't start cleaning his own bathroom "regularly" (in quotes because it's still not often enough for my taste) until he was 16. But he knows how to do all the household chores. And has taken on more of them as he gets older. It's a process, at least with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my mind it seems perfectly normal for a 12 year old to clean a bathroom, but she has been complaining about it to no end and saying none of her friends have to so I just wanted to check. I am even paying her to do it, so it seemed fine to me.

Why do you care what anyone else is doing? If you think this is a skill she needs to learn and appropriate age, then that is that. Kids complain about all sorts of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only child son started cleaning his bathroom at 12. He’s the only one who uses it though.

Mine started around that age too. Same situation, only child, she’s the one who primarily uses it.

[Anonymous]

Dont elementary age kids in Japan clean their whole schools?
Part of taking care of your environment.