My MIL is lovely. It’s my mother!!

[Anonymous]

I could have written this. My mother has become mean and judgmental, despite still considering herself a devout Catholic. She has also recast herself as hero in every story from our childhood and me as the bad kid when I was a studious homebody. It's wild.

She compares the grandkids to their faces and lectures them as if she's the authority on every single thing. She claims she doesn't watch TV, but she has all the far-right conspiracies down.

Thinks she knows more than the doctors, so doesn't tell them that she's taking fistfuls of supplements bought through "newsletters" she gets in the mail.

My siblings and I have a group text where we vent and discuss how to mitigate her impact on herself, us, and the grandkids. That group conversation has been a godsend.

OP, is modified no-contact an option? That's my route.

[Anonymous]

My mother has always been difficult even more so since I got married and had kids. My MIL is a saint and she is the mother I always wanted. As time passes my mother is becoming less involved in my life and I’m fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can relate. I can see things headed this way in my family. My parents are in their mid-70s and do not consider how their behavior impacts others, in particular their grandchildren. They both throw around a lot of offensive, factually incorrect information (they live and breathe cable news) in there retirement.

My kids are pre-teens and unless I explain their grandparents’ behavior to them— offer context that they’re getting older— and the do’s and dont’s of interacting with them, there will be quite a few negative interactions in store for us and them. Based on what my kids told me after spending a full day with my parents earlier this week, things aren’t looking good. My parents were getting critical and impatient with my kids and at times telling them things that made absolutely no sense to them and led to bickering.

What makes it harder is that my mom keeps on insisting on these long what I call “power visits” with my kids that are no longer just positive fun times with grandma and grandpa. She won’t take quality over quantity for an answer.

Please stop subjecting your children to your parents' behavior. Your mother can't insist or demand these visits. You have say in it and if the grandparents are getting critical and impatient with your kids after a full day, then no more full day visits and, even better, no more visits without you there to act as a buffer/barrier.

[Anonymous]

My mom has been difficult and verbally horrible to people around her forever. I decided right away after having kids to protect them from her. I hate the overture of “boundaries” but it comes down to that. Weirdly she is much better behaved around my family then my sisters - my sister has been way more accommodating over the years.

[Anonymous]

You don't like your mother, just call it for what it is. You cannot tolerate anyone who feels differently than you, even one that raised you. What a nasty brat you turned out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't like your mother, just call it for what it is. You cannot tolerate anyone who feels differently than you, even one that raised you. What a nasty brat you turned out to be.

Go away, troll.

[Anonymous]

In a weird way, she's right. Your kids don't need to talk back to her. They can let the remarks pass without comment, or they can stop visiting her or inviting her to their homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your kids to respect their elders

respect must be earned

[Anonymous]

DOn't interact, and if you do, do it as a movie so you don't have to talk. I did that for eyars with my abrasive mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a weird way, she's right. Your kids don't need to talk back to her. They can let the remarks pass without comment, or they can stop visiting her or inviting her to their homes.

i dont actually think this is fair. just bc someone is older does not give them the right to be a racist a******. Dont talk back to your elders is just code for i get to be TA and no one gets to challenge me who is younger. But that's not actually how life works. presumably for the kids they either challenge her in the hopes that she becomes a better human, or they cut all ties. They probably dont want to just hang around someone racist and awful and say nothing.