Feeling judged by therapist for SAH - say something or ignore?

[Anonymous]

^^you can’t see

[Anonymous]

Switch therapists. You should’ve done it when he first made the comment about both parents working. It’s not their job to tell you their opinion.

[Anonymous]

Say something. Express your disappointment and fly away from this jerk. It’s therapy, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Switch therapists. You should’ve done it when he first made the comment about both parents working. It’s not their job to tell you their opinion.

+1

Don’t get dragged into a debate about how to live your life with strangers on the internet. Therapist is being completely unprofessional; that’s all that matters here.

[Anonymous]

End therapy

[Anonymous]

Your therapist has crossed a boundary and is trying to impose his own belief system on you and furthermore does not seem to value unpaid "work." Plus, he is in a profession that needs a certain number of clients during the typical work day to survive. If he is mostly working evenings, weekends that isn't conducive toward his own family life being positive.

He sounds pretty green so I think this goes beyond giving him feedback. Even if he has a clinical blindspot, he should have enough life experience to understand the value of being a SAHM and if you and your spouse are pleased he should not interfere. I would move on.

If, as someone suggested, you are showing signs you would be happier working more for pay, then you could gradually increase the hours of your very part time job. Instead, he basically told you working full time is the only way to go.

Move on. If he asks you why, just tell him you got x, y and z out of it, but you feel it's no longer a match. If he is so rigid he thinks full time paid work is the only option for a married couple with kids, I doubt he will accept constructive feedback well.

[Anonymous]

He shouldn’t be telling you his personal beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think you should say something. It’s clear he doesn’t get it and I think what you get out of therapy will be affected by this if you don’t address it. How that conversation goes will determine best next steps

+1

[Anonymous]

Your therapist should not be making comments like that.

If you want to stay with him then you need to talk to him very directly about this.

I would look for another therapist, but that's a whole lot easier to say than it is to actually do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for a new therapist.

+1. I'd start to look for a female therapist.

+1 you shouldn't be able to infer any value judgment. That you are is a clear issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should say something and he may not be a good fit.

But frankly all your justifying seems... off... as well. So you want to continue to be a SAHM, that's fine but don't cloak it in a bunch of justifications, just own the valid decision.

Also your "way more educated" is an eye roll.

NP. Shut up and work on your insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Women need to stop apologizing or making excuses for SAH. Period.
Own your choice and be proud of your decision. If someone looks down on you for not being a career woman, who cares? I’ve been both at different phases of my life and regret nothing.

[Anonymous]

It is definitely odd that he shared personal beliefs like that and I do think you should bring it up. It is probably the only way to continue to have trust in the relationship and that is really important.

The only other question - is it possible that something was taken out of context a bit because you feel particularly sensitive about this? Not because you should, but because many of us moms feel sensitive about our choices even when we try really hard to feel confident in them. There could be a piece of that there and you may be taking some offhand comments and making assumptions about how he really feels. If he really said straight out to a mom who stays home that he believes both parents should work, that is truly odd but I'm wondering if there was some context and it has gotten taken in a way that wasn't intended. Which is another reason to be honest and talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your therapist should not be making comments like that.

If you want to stay with him then you need to talk to him very directly about this.

I would look for another therapist, but that's a whole lot easier to say than it is to actually do.

+1

[Anonymous]

Time to find a female therapist.