How long until we have a serious conversation about continuing a sport?

[Anonymous]

You have a kid who is doing something that’s good for her physical and mental health that she loves, and ignoring the bullies but you want her to quit?

Put your kid first. She’s got 2.5 years to do this and then can go to college and do whatever she wants there.

[Anonymous]

What feels not sustainable? Is she upset or is it that it is hard for you to support her/sit in the stands and hear the comments?

[Anonymous]

since I think it'll become ...

Never the right approach. No decision should be made out of the fear of what it might become.

[Anonymous]

Wow people are a$$holes at your school. It's not cool, at all. Why take this away from her? She enjoys it.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a no-cut team, and will stay that way, then let her swim.

If for some reason the team starts doing cuts, you might want to have a conversation long before try-outs about what she can do to stay on the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she interested in some private lessons? Perhaps some stroke work could lesson the DQs and increase her times.

This was more the direction I’m thinking. If she loves it and is prepared to stick with it, and she’s getting exercise, I think you’re insane to suggest she leave the team. I assume many of her friends are on the team as well as the physical outlet.

However, if she’s really, not strong swimmer, you need to tell her that you feel she should commit to taking some private lessons. See if an instructor can help her improve her efficiency, her form and her cardiovascular.

[Anonymous]

Sorry if this was already brought up. If the daughter truly loves the sport, I am all for continuing to push it... and then I would also highly recommend finding a good private coach to improve her stroke.

My own kids now only do summer swimming with their neighborhood swim team and they never DQ any more after middle school. They got some personal time from various people, including coaches (adults and older teens) at the swim team, as well as semi-private lessons over the years. I really believe that the personal coaching and even video recording of their dive, their stroke, their 2-hand touches for the fly and breaststroke, etc. all help out. During all the swim meets, all the coaches, older swimmers and parents are doing their best to tell the younger or less experienced (that goes for older kids too) swimmers with constant reminders of certain strokes as well as specific touches.

After seeing swimming for several years among various kids, I believe the really dedicated swimmer with solid foundational support and coaching should overcome those DQ woes. They may not be the fastest fish in the pool but one cannot deny the technical rigor of good strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What feels not sustainable? Is she upset or is it that it is hard for you to support her/sit in the stands and hear the comments?

She is not upset (since she doesn't know). I'm just pretty sure the comments will spill over eventually and she'll hear them. Maybe I'm borrowing trouble!

[Anonymous]

I used to coach a no-cut sport and one of the dads would sit on the other end of the field away from everyone else because parents would make comments about his kid. It was sad, I mentioned it to the offending parents and they were embarrassed and apologized but the dad stayed at his end of the field.

I, as the coach, did not care. I would not have had a competitive team if we had tryouts and cuts. I'd rather have a positive attitude, high effort, good teammate than someone who would bring us up from 7th place to 6th place.

Is your daughter a positive attitude, high effort, good teammate? Or is she a bich and moan, tantrum throwing, bad sport sort of kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to coach a no-cut sport and one of the dads would sit on the other end of the field away from everyone else because parents would make comments about his kid. It was sad, I mentioned it to the offending parents and they were embarrassed and apologized but the dad stayed at his end of the field.

I, as the coach, did not care. I would not have had a competitive team if we had tryouts and cuts. I'd rather have a positive attitude, high effort, good teammate than someone who would bring us up from 7th place to 6th place.

Is your daughter a positive attitude, high effort, good teammate? Or is she a bich and moan, tantrum throwing, bad sport sort of kid?

I really appreciate this perspective. She does not throw tantrums and is a good teammate, though I wouldn't say she has friends on the team.

[Anonymous]

If she wants to continue, I'd have a frank conversation about needing to put in the work and have her work with a private coach if she wants to continue. She will improve if she's working with a private coach, she will be learning that playing a sport requires more than just showing up, and it'll also help provide her with some cover from anyone who is grumbling about her skills. If she decides she doesn't want to put in the work or continue (or gets cut), let her make that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]I used to coach a no-cut sport and one of the dads would sit on the other end of the field away from everyone else because parents would make comments about his kid. It was sad, I mentioned it to the offending parents and they were embarrassed and apologized but the dad stayed at his end of the field.
[/b]
I, as the coach, did not care. I would not have had a competitive team if we had tryouts and cuts. I'd rather have a positive attitude, high effort, good teammate than someone who would bring us up from 7th place to 6th place.

Is your daughter a positive attitude, high effort, good teammate? Or is she a bich and moan, tantrum throwing, bad sport sort of kid?

Thanks you for saying something to those parents. This was me, when my DS was in middle school. I couldn’t believe parents would talk about another kid that way? And hear their kids doing it, and not correct them? The coach did nothing. It was so hard to listen to and I wish mean parents would consider how this might feel it was their child.. I was so sad. I sat away from everyone.

My son was (and is) a nice kid who tried hard. He was just absolutely tiny and quite clumsy at that age (looked like a little kid still, had very delayed puberty).

And my son of course quit the sport after that season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a kid who is doing something that’s good for her physical and mental health that she loves, and ignoring the bullies but you want her to quit?

Put your kid first. She’s got 2.5 years to do this and then can go to college and do whatever she wants there.

+1000. Literally the only problem here is other kids being jerks.