How would you handle this - conflict of interest?

[Anonymous]

Is it normal for a married woman to go to the bar alone and then be surprised when a drunk man approaches her? Maybe the ethics committee should question her own judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for a married woman to go to the bar alone and then be surprised when a drunk man approaches her? Maybe the ethics committee should question her own judgment.

OP also apparently sat at a bar drinking only water for long enough that another person "got progressively drunk" and then stopped in the lobby bathroom rather than just go to her room.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for a married woman to go to the bar alone and then be surprised when a drunk man approaches her? Maybe the ethics committee should question her own judgment.

OP also apparently sat at a bar drinking only water for long enough that another person "got progressively drunk" and then stopped in the lobby bathroom rather than just go to her room.....

And why go to a hotel bar just to drink water. Odd.

[Anonymous]

Such typical DC narcissism that this woman thinks her little encounter is so meaningful. Your job isn't that big a deal lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for a married woman to go to the bar alone and then be surprised when a drunk man approaches her? Maybe the ethics committee should question her own judgment.

OP also apparently sat at a bar drinking only water for long enough that another person "got progressively drunk" and then stopped in the lobby bathroom rather than just go to her room.....

And why go to a hotel bar just to drink water. Odd.

Right? I guess she was "networking". Unless she was in a group being social and not drinking, it seems weird and naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for a married woman to go to the bar alone and then be surprised when a drunk man approaches her? Maybe the ethics committee should question her own judgment.

OP also apparently sat at a bar drinking only water for long enough that another person "got progressively drunk" and then stopped in the lobby bathroom rather than just go to her room.....

Apparently drank so much water than she couldn’t hold it any longer.

[Anonymous]

OP I want to understand your thinking.

You would tell ethics what? That a guy who doesn't work at the agency hit on you at a bar? But he may work at the agency, at some point in time, so could you be put on a new project?

Does that make sense to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m being a bit vague on purpose, but in my job we work with a small department within an agency. I do not work in the agency.

A few months ago at a hotel bar after a conference a man sat next to me and we got chatting. I was drinking water and he got increasingly drunk and claimed that, were Trump to win, he was on a short list to lead the small department. Eventually he turned from professional to not (such as sexual comments) I excused myself. I didn’t realize he’d followed me, but he was waiting for me outside the bathroom in the lobby “to continue our conversation”, which made me very uncomfortable. A guest walking by saw this and intervened and that was that. Although I introduced myself and the man knows where I work, I would be very surprised if we crossed paths if he remembered me.

Well, now I’m leading a project that works with that department. I feel like I sound a bit crazy if I approach the ethics office on the off chance that this man ends up leading the department during the project and remembers me. And even if he did is that an ethics problem? But if I start on this project and it becomes a problem it will be challenging for my employer (and me) to have to deal with it then.

What would you do?

I’m so sorry that people here are being so dismissive of your experience.

You are not alone in having an experience like this and you did nothing wrong. If I were you, I would tell someone about your experience with him. Your mom, your sister, a female mentor outside of work, your husband. Put it in writing. If you have any trusted mentors, ask them for advice about any steps you should consider because if he were to get the role there is a chance he could sexually harass you or make your life miserable or end your company’s contract.

I would wait to see if he gets the role to say anything internally and then I think you would want to strategize with maybe a mentor or a boss if that makes sense. Are you the lead on this account? Do you work with other clients?

[Anonymous]

Op here. To answer questions, I don’t drink much. I was deliberating going to bed after a long week or using a drink coupon for the hotel bar and decided to get one drink. I thought I’d take my glass of wine to the lobby and I had my book with me. I ordered my glass of wine and while I was waiting for it at the hotel bar the man sat down next to me and asked whether I liked my book and what brought me to town. So we chatted while I had my wine. He then asked the bar tender to get me another round and I declined / asked for a glass of water. So it wasn’t really my original intent to hang out in the bar, but I’m very extroverted and the man and I do similar work and - despite very different politics - initially were having an enjoyable / interesting conversation. I dropped my husband / kids into the conversation early and he then mentioned his wife / kids so I felt (perhaps naively) comfortable. I don’t go to bars much at all (I’ve never been a drinker) and I couldn’t tell you the last time someone hit on me before this. So I just enjoyed the conversation initially and then had trouble figuring out how / when to politely leave and then just made an abrupt exit when things took a turn. He kept asking the bartender to get me “another vodka tonic” and the bar tender would pointedly get the water and refill my glass which I thought was silly, though in retrospect the man maybe thought he’d bought me a bunch of drinks. I was there for over an hour and he had maybe 4 drinks in that time. I assume he’d already been drinking before I arrived.

I don’t want to say too much about my work but basically I don’t want anyone to be able to question any conclusions we reach on our project because I have a preconceived impression of this man. Usually we recuse ourselves from projects if there’s any connection that could appear to bias us or, at the very least, disclose it to ethics at the start so they can tell us whether or not there’s a conflict. Anyway, it sounds like the consensus is not to say anything to work unless it becomes a problem (which was my DH’s position as well) and I had assumed it wouldn’t be a problem, but in the very small chance it becomes one then I’ll be so far into the project that it will be annoying to deal with.

[Anonymous]

I’m a Chief Compliance Officer. I wouldn’t say this is a conflict of interest because he wasn’t in the role when he hit on you. If it’s awkward, you can go to HR and ask to be switched off the project, or you can just suck it up and deal (probably best approach).

[Anonymous]

Fed ethics attorney: I don’t see a reasonable basis for someone to question your impartiality to work on this project. However, your own perception is important and if you feel this is a basis for someone to question your impartiality then don’t work on it if he is staffed on it also (and moreover from a personnel prospective don’t work on it if you feel uncomfortable due to his behavior…but I don’t think he has done anything warranting reporting him to anyone).

[Anonymous]

I say this with all kindness, you were very naive about hotel bars, especially at conferences. Those are known places for skeevy people to pick up other skeevy/naive people for hookups. I would not have sat there with a stranger for 4 drinks and let him think I'd been drinking vodka and tonics. And as for leaving earlier, you simply glance at your watch or phone, and suddenly exclaim, "Oh no, look at what time it is, it's been nice getting to know you but I've got to go".