Considering Private - Where to Start? What am I Even Looking for?

[Anonymous]

I would advise against trying to resolve these challenges only through a different school. Your child will still be who they are, and there's a limit (everywhere!) to how much the adults can influence the kids' social dynamics. Some schools absolutely have warmer, more inclusive environments, but that alone doesn't fix everything.

I would do a few things:
- Look into therapy! My oldest has just started and is having a great experience.
- As others suggested, get tested.
- Make an account in Ravenna (https://www.ravenna-hub.com/), which lets you easily submit inquiries, sign up for events, etc. at most of the well-established area schools.
- Go to some tours and open houses, and be VERY direct with what your child needs to thrive. If they can't provide it, believe them the first time.

[Anonymous]

First, you can ignore what teachers are saying. They have no desire to have another kid in class with an IEP. They also told you your kid is socially fine, which is obviously wrong, as you noted.

You should have your kid tested and the psychiatrist will be able to help you think about an appropriate school for middle school based on an objective view of your child's strengths and struggles.

One tip: when you ask current teachers to fill out the evaluations for the psychiatrist (especially if you are asking the ones telling you there is no problem), hint that you are looking to switch schools. The few who might be inclined to try to avoid having another kids with an IEP, might will be more honest on the form then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When it comes to social skills, in a big public, only giant issues are flagged and smaller issues get missed. In a traditional private such as Sidwell, smaller issues are flagged but not supported in the sense that a child needs to go elsewhere for support. Furthermore they don’t admit kids where small issues are already flagged and not remediated.

Small privates like Norwood and St Pats do flag and support small issues, but the teachers have traditional teacher training. They are not professionals with training in social issues — ie they are not therapists. They are caring and sometimes that is enough. However sometimes it is not. Sometimes between their caring and their expertise they can recommend and work with good therapists, and that is enough. However sometimes it is not.

Specialized schools such as Green Acres and Deiner do have different levels of therapeutic support. Sometimes it’s just teachers informed by therapists. Sometimes it’s more.

Take a social issue such as bullying. It’s both normal and common but to understand and resolve requires an understanding of human psychology. However most bullies don’t receive therapy, and many simply grow out of it or evolve into the next stage in life. Sometimes this leads to children who grow into adults with complicated issues where therapy takes years. Sometimes the kids grow into adults who are totally fine. It’s hard to know. Traditional teachers have anywhere from 12-24 students a class and are focused on teaching academic or other traditional subjects. This is not their space.

In terms of rigidity, we have known kids who were onlies who simply wanted their own way. However, once they realized they were tired of being lonely, it was like they flipped a switch. They figured out different ways to connect whether through humor or interests. If your child already wants to connect deeply and is having challenges, I would take my child to a respected therapist. Your child might not have the kind of “problem” that’s a red-flag fire, but it can only help a lonely kid. Also the advice being given, such as to compromise, won’t help a child form a connection. A child doesn’t choose playmates based on who compromises. A relationship develops based on who “gets” each other. It’s emotional.

Thank you for the detailed and thoughtful break down of the different types of schools and what can and cannot be offered.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would advise against trying to resolve these challenges only through a different school. Your child will still be who they are, and there's a limit (everywhere!) to how much the adults can influence the kids' social dynamics. Some schools absolutely have warmer, more inclusive environments, but that alone doesn't fix everything.

I would do a few things:
- Look into therapy! My oldest has just started and is having a great experience.
- As others suggested, get tested.
- Make an account in Ravenna (https://www.ravenna-hub.com/), which lets you easily submit inquiries, sign up for events, etc. at most of the well-established area schools.
- Go to some tours and open houses, and be VERY direct with what your child needs to thrive. If they can't provide it, believe them the first time.

Lots of good tips here. Thank you. Could you share more about what kind of therapy I should look into? Child psychologist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, you can ignore what teachers are saying. They have no desire to have another kid in class with an IEP. They also told you your kid is socially fine, which is obviously wrong, as you noted.

You should have your kid tested and the psychiatrist will be able to help you think about an appropriate school for middle school based on an objective view of your child's strengths and struggles.

One tip: when you ask current teachers to fill out the evaluations for the psychiatrist (especially if you are asking the ones telling you there is no problem), hint that you are looking to switch schools. The few who might be inclined to try to avoid having another kids with an IEP, might will be more honest on the form then.

Thank you for this. Good suggestions and insights.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should consider some assessment. But also, some kids are like that and they just need to learn how to be a friend in a nice environment. So in terms of schools to consider, my suggestion is NPS. My child did not attend, but it was warm, friendly, and the families we’ve met since whose kids go there are the same.