When do I get to stop worrying about my kids?

[Anonymous]

You worry until they are worrying about you.

college - lots of issues, nots of medical and mental health issues
20's - job loss, can't affort rent, car breaks down, breakups
30's - kids get sick, sometime very sick, job loss is exponentially harder, divorce, mental illness can become more apparent.

40's - now they are worrying about you.

[Anonymous]

We are Muslims so we believe and pray that Allah will protect them, which is obviously not always the case as everyone's kids face their share of adversity regardless of their religion but it helps a bit with anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you still worry about grades when they are in college? Do you worry about their job search, jobs, love life, general situation? I feel like I am at fever pitch now with senior year and it is absolutely wrecking my health. I don't want to always worry like this for the rest of my life about my kids.

You will worry about your kids until you take your last breath.
If you’re lucky you will have grandchildren to worry about.
It stops when your heart stops beating. I’m not sure if it continues after that. 🙂

[Anonymous]

My kids are seniors in college and I do worry about them this year because they need to get jobs. Otherwise I don’t really worry anymore about them. Their grades are their grades and their relationships are theirs too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you still worry about grades when they are in college? Do you worry about their job search, jobs, love life, general situation? I feel like I am at fever pitch now with senior year and it is absolutely wrecking my health. I don't want to always worry like this for the rest of my life about my kids.

No. I don’t worry about these things.

The only thing I worry about is when they are traveling.

Your feelings here are completely abnormal. You don’t have to live this way. Please see a mental health professional who can prescribe drugs for this anxiety that appears to have taken control of your life.

[Anonymous]

Senior year HS was stressful as all get out. The application process the decreasing acceptance rates the year long process since we did not ED anywhere. It sucked. Freshman year was a difficult transition so that was stressful too. Grades. Mental health. Maybe transfer. Chose to stay. But they settled. It has gotten better every year and now I hardly worry about them at all. Their grades are great, they know the city, they manage the travel well, they are all over their course schedule. Yes finding a job is on the docket but I figure something will work out. They can always come home if they need to search after graduation. So, I would say this year and next year are the peak OP. And then you will let go a little more every year - which is good and necessary and sometimes a little sad too.

[Anonymous]

No matter how well they are doing you are always concerned. Once a parent always a parent. That assumes you like your kids.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but the answer is never.

Unless you're a neglectful parent who never has worried about them.

But of course some parents worry more than others do, and some about different things than others do.

I sometimes long to go back to the days of just worrying about how I'm going to get them toilet-trained vs. their now-young adult problems!

[Anonymous]

Just their health and well-being or anything that can't be fixed with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just their health and well-being or anything that can't be fixed with money.

This sounds like parenting in the 50’s.

[Anonymous]

You get to stop when you decide to get help. Constant worrying about everyday issues is not normal and will negatively affect your relationship. If there are big issues, then sure, but those hopefully don't happen often. Mothers with untreated anxiety are really their own worst enemies. I barely talk to my mom because of her invented problems and issues and "what if worries". It's impossible for anyone who wants to preserve their mental health.

[Anonymous]

Hahaha. I am 48, and my mother will tell you she still worries about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You get to stop when you decide to get help. Constant worrying about everyday issues is not normal and will negatively affect your relationship. If there are big issues, then sure, but those hopefully don't happen often. Mothers with untreated anxiety are really their own worst enemies. I barely talk to my mom because of her invented problems and issues and "what if worries". It's impossible for anyone who wants to preserve their mental health.

Extreme worry is not healthy if not warranted. You never stop being a parent and it is organic to feel concern about your children even when they’re adults. My adult kids have jobs that can be stressful and young kids. It’s an art to let them know you’re there for them without trying to solve their problems or be too intrusive. By the time a parent has reached this point in life they know how to communicate but that doesn’t mean they stop worrying. It’s normal.

[Anonymous]

From carrying and giving birth then breastfeeding, feeding, stay up at nights to protecting and raising our children, making all sort of financial, emotional and physical sacrifices for them, rewires our beings in a way that switching off after they are grown up isn't possible. Its needed for their sake and for our aging mind and bodies's sake but not easy. You need to work on it.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely do not worry about our two kid-dults.