When you are the only married with kids sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t want to host- don’t.

I would definitely assign dishes to siblings and parents.

I’m the only one with kids. I really enjoy hosting and think it’s easier. Traveling with kids, missing naps is hard for me. I also can cook and decorate the way I want. My siblings don’t help at all, but parents do.

Yes this. Start delegating. I do not wait on family hand and foot. Ask everyone to bring a side, come up with a way to warm it all up, make the turkey, and done. If they are staying at your house, you can still assign them a side to be in charge of or order more food out. Ask guests to go pick up wine or Weds dinner or breakfast or all 3.

[Anonymous]

DH's brother is the one with kids. They are often the default hosts because it's easier for them with the kids. They can nap at home, they can run around in their childproofed home, they don't have to worry about that sort of thing.

I'd be open to hosting, but they prefer it.

[Anonymous]

No, in my family my parents host because they have by far the biggest space, and because I have a disabled adult sibling who lives at home and finds travel difficult.

In my spouse's family, once MIL died the oldest sister has mostly hosted even though 3 out of 4 siblings have kids and homes. SIL has by far tbe biggest place closest to FIL, who doesn't like to host but likes the short drive.

[Anonymous]

I'm the only, oldest daughter and only married/with kids and yes, always have to host. It's been a little stressful because we always have to host both sides in our small house and no one is that great with little kids. I'm also slightly resentful of our parents- they do not acknowledge whatsoever that this is a lot for me to handle but they always went to their parents/ILs for holidays and nothing was expected of them when they had young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three brothers and was the first to have children. We did always host but I assigned my brothers kid duty. They were amazing and the kids love time with them. They would up the ante every year and find ways to get the kids out of the house from sun up until right before food. It was glorious. Hikes, rainy adventures, one year they put paint in nerf guns and romped around in the woods. They’ve played capture the flag and football games. One year recently they built a treehouse with the kids in my SIL’s yard. They also always cleaned up.

Now that they have kids their wives will host sometimes too but the dads always still take the kids out and have an adventure. They started doing Friday too. My SILs and I sit around and binge shows and go to a workout class… I love it and the kids/dads do too!

That sounds amazing!!

[Anonymous]

This is my situation and I usually host either Thanksgiving or Christmas, and parents/single sibling stay with us for 4-5 days. I coordinate with my single sibling on which holiday is best for them to travel in any particular year. Sometimes they plan a vacation for one of the holidays so I plan around that. I don't ask my parents what works because they are fully retired and only live a few hours away. I figure they can be flexible, whereas my single sibling works full time.

My sibling doesn't host but I don't expect them too. They have a much smaller house and we have little kids.

[Anonymous]

My sister would never offer to host. She "doesn't cook" (she's totally capable of cooking) and doesn't clean her apartment. It's been a joke in our family that she's been in her apartment for years and never invites anybody over because her apartment is always a disaster zone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don't think single siblings are going to host. They usually don't even have a large enough place to do so and tbh, don't care about holidays as much as family people. When I was single, I would rather spend time with friends than family. That said, parents can host and you can take turns or assign dishes. At the end of the day, you can always say no.

This sounds specific to your family- I was the last of my siblings to get married and always offered to host and was turned because I had less space, or didn't have to travel with kids. Then once I had kids it was like my siblings forgot what it was like to have babies- all of a sudden the Thanksgiving dinner that was at 4pm every year to accommodate nap times became a later evening affair.

[Anonymous]

I would much rather host than drag my kids all over the place to the old peoples' houses. Others in my generation in the family are childless and they are just expected to show up and eat.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind hosting because it’s the only way I don’t have to see the small and aggressive dogs. They excuse the fact that they bite people and ignore that the dogs are a serious nuisance. Yes we’ve forbidden the ankle biters from our house THANK GOD.

[Anonymous]

I was in this position for 5-6 years until my SIL got married.

I think it depends on what makes sense for you and what your mother / MIL prefer. My parents generation continued to host for a few years when we had tiny babies, then we had a time when it made sense to host because our toddlers / preschoolers did better at home where they could nap and we had a kid-proofed house. Now our kids are older elementary and can easily travel and be flexible - while my SILs have babies and toddlers.

In our family, the sibling who is pregnant or has youngest children calls the shots on what works best for them for holdiays and vacations. As grandparents get older, their mobility and needs will factor in. We try to work around the people who most need accommodations, whether that’s location, time of the meal, dietary restrictions, or something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never be the single sibling with no kids who is always expected to agree to all the plans made around the siblings’ kids because you’re so flexible and have no responsibilities. So there’s that.

Hahaha, that's not how it works. Younger single sibling rules the roost. Spoiled brat who has the parents wrapped around her little finger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never be the single sibling with no kids who is always expected to agree to all the plans made around the siblings’ kids because you’re so flexible and have no responsibilities. So there’s that.

Yes this is how my holidays go. I get told where to go and when.