18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't really say much. She'll figure it out. I wouldn't invest much in "supporting" her through this.

yes, trust me--i never bring it up. I just field comments when she brings them up (like not getting asked to homecoming) Or when her younger brother (a year younger) goes out with girls (dates) and she makes comments. Then i wonder, should i be suggesting that she text guys? Be more assertive? Flirty? Gag. Sigh. Never thought I'd be in this spot. I can't wait for her to leave for college and have her world open up, although a teeny part of me worries that this will continue on (i've seen through friends with older kids that high school issues don't always go away in college).

No, I absolutely would not suggest she be more assertive or text boys or “flirt” more. If a boy liked her, he would pursue. Though a fair amount of high school boys are still learning how to show interest and having the courage to do so as well. When a guy really likes her, he will show interest. You or her can’t force this. Her going to an all girls school definitely doesn’t help. It makes it harder to build opposite sex friendships, which often happened first before dating with teens. What does do outside of school? Any job, co-Ed sports? Internships? Those are all good ways to get out of her girls school bubble.

[Anonymous]

She needs an education and a way to support herself, not a boyfriend. She must have an idealized view of boyfriends.

[Anonymous]

Maybe suggest she get a job! McDonald's, waitressing somewhere, whatever - she'll meet people outside the social circles she's already running in (and not meeting any boys in).

[Anonymous]

I don't love it, but my DD has been asked out via connections on Snapchat.

Also, it seems like there are fewer social boys than girls. My DD's female friend group wanted dates for Homecoming and "imported" them from other schools. There was one girl who had a guy friend or boyfriend and they rounded up some other boys. The groups hung out a few times before the actual date.

Her friends that have boyfriends met them in class or they were camp counselors together or such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe suggest she get a job! McDonald's, waitressing somewhere, whatever - she'll meet people outside the social circles she's already running in (and not meeting any boys in).

Yes a job, but not food service, if she is looking for teens to date. Terrible dating pool

[Anonymous]

My daughter goes to a small college prep private. She reports there is very little dating. In the school, there are maybe seven couples. I'm glad about that. I don't want her limited by a HS sweetheart. Way more dating happens in college. I'd just caution her about hookup culture. That doesn't lead to a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter goes to a small college prep private. She reports there is very little dating. In the school, there are maybe seven couples. I'm glad about that. I don't want her limited by a HS sweetheart. Way more dating happens in college. I'd just caution her about hookup culture. That doesn't lead to a boyfriend.

Such a strange description. Is there any private HS that isn't focused on college prep?

Put another way, is there any private HS that focuses on preparing kids for the trades?

[Anonymous]

Tell her to stop chasing Chad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High school dating gives me the creeps. Be thankful you avoided the drama. She can and will date in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 18 year old daughter hasn't ever dated anyone. She's smart, funny, pretty, thin, outgoing. However, boys don't seem really interested in her (according to her--I'm not around when she talks to them). She's not overtly sexy, doesn't post much online, (and nothing provocative), etc. She attends a girls school and doesn't have a ton of contact with boys. The ones she does know aren't interested in her. She goes to parties and she'll talk to a guy for a few hours but it never leads to anyone texting her. When it comes time for a school dance (say--homecoming which was last month) a boy she's talked to at a party will end up inviting another girl (or so she reports).
It seems to be really hard to be a girl these days. She wants to date. I assure her it's 100% fine (and that dating will happen at some point) but i think it's hard to want this and not have any interest from boys. She's been watching romantic movies and has typical teenage hormones (and has for years now as she's 18). Thoughts on how to support her? This stuff sucks. I don't care (I think it's awesome be investing in female friends during these years) but it's started to really bother her.

It kind of messed up that she is more in to the idea of a boyfriend vs attracted to a boy or boys. I guess that is youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 18 year old daughter hasn't ever dated anyone. She's smart, funny, pretty, thin, outgoing. However, boys don't seem really interested in her (according to her--I'm not around when she talks to them). She's not overtly sexy, doesn't post much online, (and nothing provocative), etc. She attends a girls school and doesn't have a ton of contact with boys. The ones she does know aren't interested in her. She goes to parties and she'll talk to a guy for a few hours but it never leads to anyone texting her. When it comes time for a school dance (say--homecoming which was last month) a boy she's talked to at a party will end up inviting another girl (or so she reports).
It seems to be really hard to be a girl these days. She wants to date. I assure her it's 100% fine (and that dating will happen at some point) but i think it's hard to want this and not have any interest from boys. She's been watching romantic movies and has typical teenage hormones (and has for years now as she's 18). Thoughts on how to support her? This stuff sucks. I don't care (I think it's awesome be investing in female friends during these years) but it's started to really bother her.

It kind of messed up that she is more in to the idea of a boyfriend vs attracted to a boy or boys. I guess that is youth.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

High school principal here! No one is dating anymore. I can name the couples in my schoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 18 year old daughter hasn't ever dated anyone. She's smart, funny, pretty, thin, outgoing. However, boys don't seem really interested in her (according to her--I'm not around when she talks to them). She's not overtly sexy, doesn't post much online, (and nothing provocative), etc. She attends a girls school and doesn't have a ton of contact with boys. The ones she does know aren't interested in her. She goes to parties and she'll talk to a guy for a few hours but it never leads to anyone texting her. When it comes time for a school dance (say--homecoming which was last month) a boy she's talked to at a party will end up inviting another girl (or so she reports).
It seems to be really hard to be a girl these days. She wants to date. I assure her it's 100% fine (and that dating will happen at some point) but i think it's hard to want this and not have any interest from boys. She's been watching romantic movies and has typical teenage hormones (and has for years now as she's 18). Thoughts on how to support her? This stuff sucks. I don't care (I think it's awesome be investing in female friends during these years) but it's started to really bother her.

It kind of messed up that she is more in to the idea of a boyfriend vs attracted to a boy or boys. I guess that is youth.

OP here. She HAS been interested in specific boys--there have been several this year.

DCUM is so exhausting. If you don't put every possible fact and detail in a post (and spell out every possible scenario) someone finds a flaw in your argument and jumps all over you: "aha! I knew your child was just weird!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the all girls school. She isn’t around enough boys to really find anyone. She’s talking to boys at parties but if they go to a co Ed school they are around hundreds of girls, vs she’s around a dozen a month. It’s likely she’s trying to initiate contact only bc they are a somewhat attractive boy so it’s a novelty but it’s not to them.

There’s no real answer other than hopefully she is going to a bigger college ? I assume she is a senior? A job might help her branch out if it’s a teen type place.

She’s going to need to be engaged in situations that bring her around the same biys repeatedly. She also should start and just be friends with boys.

My 17 yo has had a boyfriend and several almost boyfriends, and gets asked out a lot. She has had male close friends since 6th grade and it taught her how to talk and engage with the opposite sex like any other friend and that’s really the key. Hard to do that in an all girls school though

No, that’s not it.

Unfortunately, it is her wise decision to stay off social media.

Social media is toxic. It has also severely damaged what we adults used to call “dating.”

Is this OP?

Yes she could meet guys via Snapchat, which is what the girls who are dating at her school probably do. But if she was at a co Ed school she would be meeting people at school. My 17 yo does have social media but won’t use that to date or meet people. It really only builds on an in person connection she’s already made.

But every boy she’s been involved with was her friend first. If she has no male friendships at 18 she’s got some work to do there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 18 year old daughter hasn't ever dated anyone. She's smart, funny, pretty, thin, outgoing. However, boys don't seem really interested in her (according to her--I'm not around when she talks to them). She's not overtly sexy, doesn't post much online, (and nothing provocative), etc. She attends a girls school and doesn't have a ton of contact with boys. The ones she does know aren't interested in her. She goes to parties and she'll talk to a guy for a few hours but it never leads to anyone texting her. When it comes time for a school dance (say--homecoming which was last month) a boy she's talked to at a party will end up inviting another girl (or so she reports).
It seems to be really hard to be a girl these days. She wants to date. I assure her it's 100% fine (and that dating will happen at some point) but i think it's hard to want this and not have any interest from boys. She's been watching romantic movies and has typical teenage hormones (and has for years now as she's 18). Thoughts on how to support her? This stuff sucks. I don't care (I think it's awesome be investing in female friends during these years) but it's started to really bother her.

It kind of messed up that she is more in to the idea of a boyfriend vs attracted to a boy or boys. I guess that is youth.

OP here. She HAS been interested in specific boys--there have been several this year.

DCUM is so exhausting. If you don't put every possible fact and detail in a post (and spell out every possible scenario) someone finds a flaw in your argument and jumps all over you: "aha! I knew your child was just weird!"

I don’t think it’s weird to want a boyfriend. That’s literally the basis of the entire rom com industry plus the hallmark channel and the bachelorette. And that old Liz Phair Somg (“I want a boyfriend.”). Boyfriends are actually much better as a concept than as a reality, anyway.