18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
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Anonymous
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My 18 year old daughter hasn't ever dated anyone. She's smart, funny, pretty, thin, outgoing. However, boys don't seem really interested in her (according to her--I'm not around when she talks to them). She's not overtly sexy, doesn't post much online, (and nothing provocative), etc. She attends a girls school and doesn't have a ton of contact with boys. The ones she does know aren't interested in her. She goes to parties and she'll talk to a guy for a few hours but it never leads to anyone texting her. When it comes time for a school dance (say--homecoming which was last month) a boy she's talked to at a party will end up inviting another girl (or so she reports).
It seems to be really hard to be a girl these days. She wants to date. I assure her it's 100% fine (and that dating will happen at some point) but i think it's hard to want this and not have any interest from boys. She's been watching romantic movies and has typical teenage hormones (and has for years now as she's 18). Thoughts on how to support her? This stuff sucks. I don't care (I think it's awesome be investing in female friends during these years) but it's started to really bother her. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't really say much. She'll figure it out. I wouldn't invest much in "supporting" her through this. |
Anonymous
yes, trust me--i never bring it up. I just field comments when she brings them up (like not getting asked to homecoming) Or when her younger brother (a year younger) goes out with girls (dates) and she makes comments. Then i wonder, should i be suggesting that she text guys? Be more assertive? Flirty? Gag. Sigh. Never thought I'd be in this spot. I can't wait for her to leave for college and have her world open up, although a teeny part of me worries that this will continue on (i've seen through friends with older kids that high school issues don't always go away in college). |
Anonymous
And if she had sent her to a co-ed school you would say it's OP's fault she made her a slut, etc. |
Anonymous
excuse me? 
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Anonymous
| I have an 18-year-old son, he’s in the sporty boy crowd in our medium-size public school. Lots of parties and socializing in mixed groups. His friends are generally the nice athlete types and I don’t think any of them have girlfriends. I think a lot of the boys just reach a time of being interested later than the girls |
Anonymous
Yeah I wouldn’t suggest anything. I’d do active listening at most. Not your problem to solve. |
Anonymous
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It’s the all girls school. She isn’t around enough boys to really find anyone. She’s talking to boys at parties but if they go to a co Ed school they are around hundreds of girls, vs she’s around a dozen a month. It’s likely she’s trying to initiate contact only bc they are a somewhat attractive boy so it’s a novelty but it’s not to them.
There’s no real answer other than hopefully she is going to a bigger college ? I assume she is a senior? A job might help her branch out if it’s a teen type place. She’s going to need to be engaged in situations that bring her around the same biys repeatedly. She also should start and just be friends with boys. My 17 yo has had a boyfriend and several almost boyfriends, and gets asked out a lot. She has had male close friends since 6th grade and it taught her how to talk and engage with the opposite sex like any other friend and that’s really the key. Hard to do that in an all girls school though |
Anonymous
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I would just be encouraging that she'll be in college next year and there will be so many more opportunities to meet boys in a more natural setting where they can get to know her. One of my big reservations about girls school is that they only interact with boys in sort of artificial settings like parties. That can work well for a certain type of girl who presents in a certain type of way, but it's harder for girls who are maybe not as flirty and more genuine. Those girls will find their way when they start having more genuine interactions with boys, which will likely happen on a co-ed campus. I'd just stress to her that she shouldn't get discouraged and try to change herself or anything else. It's not her -- it's just the situation.
My son has a girlfriend that sounds a lot like your daughter. She's very sweet and I like her a lot, but she's not at all flashy. He had a few classes with her, and they were in a club together for a little while, plus I think one of his friends knew her a bit. I think there are lots of guys out there that like a girl like this, but they probably aren't chatting up girls at the mixers. If she involved in any outside activities with guys (which might also open a door to meeting their friends)? Maybe she can get a job at a camp next summer? The most I might do is encourage her to think along these lines, or maybe if there's a guy she meets someplace that she sort of liked, to ask him if he wants to go out for ice cream or something low stress. There's a lot of boys that have less "game" with the girls, and she might find a better love connection with one of those guys, since it sounds like she's not a player herself. Those are the boys that might need a little encouragement. |
Anonymous
| OP, does she have a friend with a boyfriend? If so, perhaps they can introduce her to one of his friends? That's how my 16 yr old DD met her first and current boyfriend. Her best friend started dating a boy from another school and the best friend/ boyfriend thought my DD and one of his friends might get along. They played matchmaker which led to my DD and her now boyfriend to texting on Snapchat, followed by going on a double date with the matchmakers. My DD is like your daughter..very pretty, athletic, dresses nice.She actually has had boys who have liked her but she isn't the flirty type so the boys see it as a sign of non-interest on her side and don't take the next step. |
Anonymous
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I didn’t date in high school, met my husband in college, we are the happiest couple I know.
My 17 year old also wishes she had a boyfriend and when she laments (I also don’t actively bring it up) I’ve been telling her not to rush into it just to have a boyfriend, wait until she finds someone she wants to spend her time with. She goes to a small public school and still hasn’t been super excited about dating any of the guys there. There’s nothing much you can do to support, I would just assure her that the future will hold a lot for her. |
Anonymous
No, that’s not it. Unfortunately, it is her wise decision to stay off social media. Social media is toxic. It has also severely damaged what we adults used to call “dating.” |
Anonymous
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I know some women who never dated when they were younger, and they found absolutely wonderful husbands with online dating app.
Eventually she will find someone. The only thing that matters is that she chooses wisely and doesn’t let any man take advantage of her. |
Anonymous
| My son didn't date till sophomore year of college. And he is nice, smart and tall. |
Anonymous
| High school dating gives me the creeps. Be thankful you avoided the drama. She can and will date in college. |