Is your 8 year old miserable to be around?

[Anonymous]

I don't have any good advice OP but a lot of the prior posts sound right to me. I hope things improve, and stay strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eight is usually when the start turning a corner and being really great to hang out with. I'm sorry this is happening. I think you need to get some help. This is not normal.

+1

My 8 yo is as sweet as can be and I just love her so much. When I’m in a bad mood she is always smiling and sweet. I remember when my 15yo was like her and she was sweet then too - now is a different story - she often looks at me with that one judgemental eye ‘you just don’t understand’ nonsense. I remind her that my obligation is to provide housing, food, medical care, etc., not to be her emotional punching bag. When she treats me poorly I tell her she needs to take the bus to school and I am not available to be her chauffeur to any of her activities, because I am not a ‘glutton for punishment’ and ‘who wants to be around someone who mistreats them. not me’ and ‘would you like it if I treated you the way you are treating me’ etc. She does better for a few weeks and then we have to go through the cycle again. Maybe that approach will work with you 8 yo? Don’t get me wrong I love my 15 yo and when she’s not being horrible, she is actually a lovely person to be around - smart, funny, kind - but she has her moody horrible moments too.

[Anonymous]

Not normal. I have an 8.5 year old and shes mostly a delight. I have noticed that youTube was starting to cause more issues so we dont have screens now or its limited to Bluey with her younger sister or a movie. Even the books/graphic like Nat the Great and Captain Underpants etc were having an effect of increase in sarcasm. So we stopped those as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take away screens!

Anecdotally, it seems like screens negatively affect kids' moods at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely not normal at all. What punishments does she get for throwing tantrums? When she screams in public is she immediately taken home? Is she sent to her room when she tells you to shut up?

This is not normal. I don't know if she's got some sort of oppositional defiance thing that makes her special needs or you're just spoiling the crap out of her. Definitely get rid of screens (and know things will get worse before they get better, bc it's an addiction so there'll be a withdrawal period) and see where that gets you.

But for the sake of all things holy, PUNISH your kid. If she whines for something THE ANSWER IS NO. If she's fresh she gets sent to her room and told not to come back until she can speak nicely. Consequences are your friend.

Agree. When my kids used to whine - around 4 yo - I would just say ‘sorry, I cannot hear what you say when you use that voice. Try in a normal voice, please’ and repeat and repeat. The other one that I used to say is ‘Do I give you what you want when you talk to me like that? Then why do you do it?” They don’t whine anymore.

[Anonymous]

They all have phases and bad days but it’s not normal behavior to tell your mom to shut up and get away with it.
Tell her you’re having a family meeting and
lay out expected behavior.
Absolutely no telling anyone to shut up, no swearing.
Figure out a consequence that you can impose. Tell her what it is. Enforce it each and every time.
Same for screaming and throwing a tantrum.
I would reward her too for good behavior.
For now take screens away on weekdays. No negotiation. Stay firm.
Allow on weekends if her behavior improves.

My kid is 12 now. She has a phone but hasn’t had it during the week for a month now because of grades. She never has screens before school ever.
You gotta get serious OP

[Anonymous]

Make this less about you and get curious about why your kid thinks this is acceptable behavior. You cant take it personally and go cry in a corner because she's mean... thats not parenting.

[Anonymous]

I would have a neuropsych eval done and post is special needs forum. Sounds like anxiety or adhd. Imagine how miserable she feels inside. Get her some help. And no screens.

[Anonymous]

OP, I emphasize because my 8yo DS has been a lot like this lately. It's just with us- by all accounts he's great and respectful in school. But weekends have become awful. We try taking things away and sending him to his room but he won't STAY in his room and apparently doesn't seem to care that we've taken away Minecraft indefinitely. He does get to watch TV but it's stuff like Wild Kratts or Octonauts. We recently moved so were chalking it up to the life change but beginning to think we need to get him a neuropsych eval (I suspect anxiety) which unfortunately will be a lot harder to obtain from where we live now.

[Anonymous]

I could not disagree more with the people saying get a neuropsych. This is not adhd or anxiety. My DS has both. It's just bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could not disagree more with the people saying get a neuropsych. This is not adhd or anxiety. My DS has both. It's just bad behavior.

Eh, just because you have kids with diagnoses does not make you an expert. Various disorders can manifest themselves in different ways. I don't know what is going on with OP's kid but agree it seems out of the bounds of "normal" and would talk to my pediatrician about next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make this less about you and get curious about why your kid thinks this is acceptable behavior. You cant take it personally and go cry in a corner because she's mean... thats not parenting.

It's not, but we all have our breaking point. Sounds like OP is going to get this on track and I agree with including the pediatrician as part of that FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could not disagree more with the people saying get a neuropsych. This is not adhd or anxiety. My DS has both. It's just bad behavior.

Eh, just because you have kids with diagnoses does not make you an expert. Various disorders can manifest themselves in different ways. I don't know what is going on with OP's kid but agree it seems out of the bounds of "normal" and would talk to my pediatrician about next steps.

No but people are so quick to jump to ADHD/ASD for bad behavior. On some level I get it - it is comforting to think your kid has a disorder rather than you aren't doing a good job parenting them. But this to me sounds like OP is experiencing the fruits of extremely permissive parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could not disagree more with the people saying get a neuropsych. This is not adhd or anxiety. My DS has both. It's just bad behavior.

Eh, just because you have kids with diagnoses does not make you an expert. Various disorders can manifest themselves in different ways. I don't know what is going on with OP's kid but agree it seems out of the bounds of "normal" and would talk to my pediatrician about next steps.

No but people are so quick to jump to ADHD/ASD for bad behavior. On some level I get it - it is comforting to think your kid has a disorder rather than you aren't doing a good job parenting them. But this to me sounds like OP is experiencing the fruits of extremely permissive parenting.

So invoking more punishments will stop the meltdowns?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I emphasize because my 8yo DS has been a lot like this lately. It's just with us- by all accounts he's great and respectful in school. But weekends have become awful. We try taking things away and sending him to his room but he won't STAY in his room and apparently doesn't seem to care that we've taken away Minecraft indefinitely. He does get to watch TV but it's stuff like Wild Kratts or Octonauts. We recently moved so were chalking it up to the life change but beginning to think we need to get him a neuropsych eval (I suspect anxiety) which unfortunately will be a lot harder to obtain from where we live now.

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