Why don't people care enough to remember a few things about me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You probably just have a better memory for biographic details than average. I remember so much more abt other people than they remember about me-i really don’t think it’s personal.

(And I’m not trying to remember it or remembering more about people I like, I can’t really help but remember.)

Yes - I have a witty, quick mind and sharp memory. Not only will I recall having met you before but also your name and anything else you chose to share or maybe what I quietly observed about you.

I’m either your best friend or worst enemy at a high school reunion because over 30 years later, I remember everything about you. I now fill in details
of other people’s lives upon request, just ask.

I forget nothing!

So, this happens to me all the time and it took until middle age until I tried not to be personally offended. And as PP said, yes, most people are self absorbed and unfriendly so get used to re introducing yourself.

My ILs are a perfect example of such self absorption: they have zero interest in extraneous details of my life and are constantly learning some v basic facts about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you generally ask more questions? I've learned I need to be better about volunteering information about myself and not waiting for people to ask.

It’s likely this.

If you avoid talking about yourself - where you are from, your spouse, your job or alum school, your trips, etc - people have less to go on.

I can’t ask about your new puppy or trip back home to Colorado if you never shared that info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not personal, especially in a group of parents dealing with kids with rare diseases/conditions. Most are probably barely keeping their heads above their shoulders.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a rare genetic condition. Twice a year, I go to events for moms with kids with this condition. They involve travel for a few days, lectures and activities, group meals, and support-building. I have been doing this for six years. I see the same people over and over at these events, of course with some new people. I generally remember a few things about their lives and kids, and ask them about them, but none of them ever remember or ask anything about me. It feels really isolating, like I am a forgettable person, and they don't care enough to make the minimal effort.
I've experienced this in other contexts as well, but this is the most recent example.
Is something wrong with me? Has anyone else been in this boat?

You are unrealistic to expect people who you informally see twice a year who have a lot on their own plate to remember all kinds of things about you and be your best friends. These are generally money-making events vs true support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably just have a better memory for biographic details than average. I remember so much more abt other people than they remember about me-i really don’t think it’s personal.

(And I’m not trying to remember it or remembering more about people I like, I can’t really help but remember.)

Yes - I have a witty, quick mind and sharp memory. Not only will I recall having met you before but also your name and anything else you chose to share or maybe what I quietly observed about you.

I’m either your best friend or worst enemy at a high school reunion because over 30 years later, I remember everything about you. I now fill in details
of other people’s lives upon request, just ask.

I forget nothing!

So, this happens to me all the time and it took until middle age until I tried not to be personally offended. And as PP said, yes, most people are self absorbed and unfriendly so get used to re introducing yourself.

My ILs are a perfect example of such self absorption: they have zero interest in extraneous details of my life and are constantly learning some v basic facts about me.

You sound exhausting, annoying and judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I've had that happen. It's due to the following reasons:

1. I have less going on in my life than many people. So I have more bandwidth to notice and memorize things about situations I care about.

2. I'm an introvert with a soft voice. It's an effort to introduce myself, talk about me and my kids, etc. I'm a great listener, however!

Those two traits combined explains why I sometimes remember other people's situations better than they remember my own. It's not anyone's fault. It's just how it is.

Hmm doubt this is true. I'm a working mom of 4 who has lived in multiple states and am an extrovert, I work in PR. It's part of my job to remember people, and it's one of the reasons I ended up in PR, because it came naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've had that happen. It's due to the following reasons:

1. I have less going on in my life than many people. So I have more bandwidth to notice and memorize things about situations I care about.

2. I'm an introvert with a soft voice. It's an effort to introduce myself, talk about me and my kids, etc. I'm a great listener, however!

Those two traits combined explains why I sometimes remember other people's situations better than they remember my own. It's not anyone's fault. It's just how it is.

Hmm doubt this is true. I'm a working mom of 4 who has lived in multiple states and am an extrovert, I work in PR. It's part of my job to remember people, and it's one of the reasons I ended up in PR, because it came naturally.

Sorry, not all of us can be as perfect as you. No, I'm not going to remember much from someone I see 1-2 times a year for a few hours and honestly, nor do I care. I'm just struggling to survive my own life. We aren't friends. We aren't acquaintances. We are strangers attending a conference (which honestly I wouldn't do as I physically couldn't).

[Anonymous]

Most people are self-absorbed and are not trying as hard as you. People just want to talk about themselves. Haven’t you ever taken a class or read about Andrew Carnegie’s philosophy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've had that happen. It's due to the following reasons:

1. I have less going on in my life than many people. So I have more bandwidth to notice and memorize things about situations I care about.

2. I'm an introvert with a soft voice. It's an effort to introduce myself, talk about me and my kids, etc. I'm a great listener, however!

Those two traits combined explains why I sometimes remember other people's situations better than they remember my own. It's not anyone's fault. It's just how it is.

Hmm doubt this is true. I'm a working mom of 4 who has lived in multiple states and am an extrovert, I work in PR. It's part of my job to remember people, and it's one of the reasons I ended up in PR, because it came naturally.

Sorry, not all of us can be as perfect as you. No, I'm not going to remember much from someone I see 1-2 times a year for a few hours and honestly, nor do I care. I'm just struggling to survive my own life. We aren't friends. We aren't acquaintances. We are strangers attending a conference (which honestly I wouldn't do as I physically couldn't).

I didn't say I was perfect. I was agreeing that some people have better biographical memory. The PP said it was because she was an introvert with a quiet life. I said actually there are some people just born with this trait, I've read Bill Clinton never forgot a name/face/details and he obviously was a busy extrovert. Maybe you are insecure to get that from that post, or have poor reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably just have a better memory for biographic details than average. I remember so much more abt other people than they remember about me-i really don’t think it’s personal.

(And I’m not trying to remember it or remembering more about people I like, I can’t really help but remember.)

Yes - I have a witty, quick mind and sharp memory. Not only will I recall having met you before but also your name and anything else you chose to share or maybe what I quietly observed about you.

I’m either your best friend or worst enemy at a high school reunion because over 30 years later, I remember everything about you. I now fill in details
of other people’s lives upon request, just ask.

I forget nothing!

So, this happens to me all the time and it took until middle age until I tried not to be personally offended. And as PP said, yes, most people are self absorbed and unfriendly so get used to re introducing yourself.

My ILs are a perfect example of such self absorption: they have zero interest in extraneous details of my life and are constantly learning some v basic facts about me.

You sound exhausting, annoying and judgemental.

Rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've had that happen. It's due to the following reasons:

1. I have less going on in my life than many people. So I have more bandwidth to notice and memorize things about situations I care about.

2. I'm an introvert with a soft voice. It's an effort to introduce myself, talk about me and my kids, etc. I'm a great listener, however!

Those two traits combined explains why I sometimes remember other people's situations better than they remember my own. It's not anyone's fault. It's just how it is.

Hmm doubt this is true. I'm a working mom of 4 who has lived in multiple states and am an extrovert, I work in PR. It's part of my job to remember people, and it's one of the reasons I ended up in PR, because it came naturally.

Sorry, not all of us can be as perfect as you. No, I'm not going to remember much from someone I see 1-2 times a year for a few hours and honestly, nor do I care. I'm just struggling to survive my own life. We aren't friends. We aren't acquaintances. We are strangers attending a conference (which honestly I wouldn't do as I physically couldn't).

I didn't say I was perfect. I was agreeing that some people have better biographical memory. The PP said it was because she was an introvert with a quiet life. I said actually there are some people just born with this trait, I've read Bill Clinton never forgot a name/face/details and he obviously was a busy extrovert. Maybe you are insecure to get that from that post, or have poor reading comprehension.

Any post that that contains "you are..." on an anonymous web forum is vain and pointless. Why would another poster care what you think about them?

[Anonymous]

Honestly if you tell me about your dog I’ll remember. I don’t remember anyone’s names or kids but I do recall their pets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've had that happen. It's due to the following reasons:

1. I have less going on in my life than many people. So I have more bandwidth to notice and memorize things about situations I care about.

2. I'm an introvert with a soft voice. It's an effort to introduce myself, talk about me and my kids, etc. I'm a great listener, however!

Those two traits combined explains why I sometimes remember other people's situations better than they remember my own. It's not anyone's fault. It's just how it is.

Hmm doubt this is true. I'm a working mom of 4 who has lived in multiple states and am an extrovert, I work in PR. It's part of my job to remember people, and it's one of the reasons I ended up in PR, because it came naturally.

Two observations from the way you respond:

1. You may well have far superior memory and observation skills than most people, which would explain why you remember and they don't.

2. Your tone is very off-putting. Perhaps people are picking up on a certain vibe you give off (the "I know I'm smarter than all of you" vibe) and it's not helping create connections.

Sometimes people with high IQs don't have the best social skills. It's hard navigating a world where everyone seems slower than you. My daughter struggles with this. She's highly intelligent and hyper functional. My parenting work has centered on developing her patience and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I don’t ever remember non pertinent details about ppl. I’ve started to write them down for those who can be important/useful to me or have done a lot for me and I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but for most people I just forget. Not because they are boring, but simply because most things are so mundane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably just have a better memory for biographic details than average. I remember so much more abt other people than they remember about me-i really don’t think it’s personal.

(And I’m not trying to remember it or remembering more about people I like, I can’t really help but remember.)

Yes - I have a witty, quick mind and sharp memory. Not only will I recall having met you before but also your name and anything else you chose to share or maybe what I quietly observed about you.

I’m either your best friend or worst enemy at a high school reunion because over 30 years later, I remember everything about you. I now fill in details
of other people’s lives upon request, just ask.

I forget nothing!

So, this happens to me all the time and it took until middle age until I tried not to be personally offended. And as PP said, yes, most people are self absorbed and unfriendly so get used to re introducing yourself.

My ILs are a perfect example of such self absorption: they have zero interest in extraneous details of my life and are constantly learning some v basic facts about me.

You sound exhausting, annoying and judgemental.

Rude.

Not PP you responded to, but you started it with that insufferable description of yourself. If you're wondering why people seem to forget about you... it's because you're not very likable. You may not want to hear it, but from our group exchange on this thread, it appears to be true.