Why don't people care enough to remember a few things about me?

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a rare genetic condition. Twice a year, I go to events for moms with kids with this condition. They involve travel for a few days, lectures and activities, group meals, and support-building. I have been doing this for six years. I see the same people over and over at these events, of course with some new people. I generally remember a few things about their lives and kids, and ask them about them, but none of them ever remember or ask anything about me. It feels really isolating, like I am a forgettable person, and they don't care enough to make the minimal effort.
I've experienced this in other contexts as well, but this is the most recent example.
Is something wrong with me? Has anyone else been in this boat?

[Anonymous]

Keep in touch with the ones you like in between. Having a support text group is huge for this kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Do you generally ask more questions? I've learned I need to be better about volunteering information about myself and not waiting for people to ask.

[Anonymous]

I experience the same thing, OP. I chalk it up to people are self-absorbed, or they are stressed so their minds only focus on what’s most important, or that my memory is just better than theirs. It does hurt, it’s not hard to remember one thing about people you see frequently, hell, my dental hygienist remembers obscure things about me. Let it roll.

[Anonymous]

You probably just have a better memory for biographic details than average. I remember so much more abt other people than they remember about me-i really don’t think it’s personal.

(And I’m not trying to remember it or remembering more about people I like, I can’t really help but remember.)

[Anonymous]

You absolutely cannot take this personally.

People are typically just knee deep in their own lives, stressed out, distracted, etc. It's not about you.

But good for you for making an effort. It is a true kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely cannot take this personally.

People are typically just knee deep in their own lives, stressed out, distracted, etc. It's not about you.

But good for you for making an effort. It is a true kindness.

This. It’s not about you being more or less memorable, it’s about your memory being better. Honestly, I feel I need to write things down to remember. I am just bad at it and sometimes I remember things about someone but blank out when I actually see them. Maybe social anxiety? In any case, it’s not a reflection of their feelings or effort towards you. It’s a reflection of their memory skills.

[Anonymous]

Not personal, especially in a group of parents dealing with kids with rare diseases/conditions. Most are probably barely keeping their heads above their shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not personal, especially in a group of parents dealing with kids with rare diseases/conditions. Most are probably barely keeping their heads above their shoulders.

+1

[Anonymous]

It is people you see twice a year and while people mix and mingle they are more there for the conference and some sharing with people who get it than making long term friendships.

Those are not people I would prioritize remembering a lot of information about. I would maximize my time with them to share ideas or commiserate but that is their main purpose, not remembering whose mother had cancer or whose other son had made the competitive baseball team or who went to the Bahamas on vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not personal, especially in a group of parents dealing with kids with rare diseases/conditions. Most are probably barely keeping their heads above their shoulders.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a rare genetic condition. Twice a year, I go to events for moms with kids with this condition. They involve travel for a few days, lectures and activities, group meals, and support-building. I have been doing this for six years. I see the same people over and over at these events, of course with some new people. I generally remember a few things about their lives and kids, and ask them about them, but none of them ever remember or ask anything about me. It feels really isolating, like I am a forgettable person, and they don't care enough to make the minimal effort.
I've experienced this in other contexts as well, but this is the most recent example.
Is something wrong with me? Has anyone else been in this boat?

It also seems like you're centering yourself in this. Most people need frequent "touches" to keep someone in their memory bank. That's why brands send frequent emails to stay on top of people's minds. If you want to be remembered before the event, if there's a group FB page or chat, stay active on those.

[Anonymous]

I've had that happen. It's due to the following reasons:

1. I have less going on in my life than many people. So I have more bandwidth to notice and memorize things about situations I care about.

2. I'm an introvert with a soft voice. It's an effort to introduce myself, talk about me and my kids, etc. I'm a great listener, however!

Those two traits combined explains why I sometimes remember other people's situations better than they remember my own. It's not anyone's fault. It's just how it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You probably just have a better memory for biographic details than average. I remember so much more abt other people than they remember about me-i really don’t think it’s personal.

(And I’m not trying to remember it or remembering more about people I like, I can’t really help but remember.)

This is me too—I am unusually good at remembering people’s names, biographic details. Think of it as an asset OP!

[Anonymous]

They are parents of sick kids. Remembering the biographical details of people they see twice per year is not a top priority for the mental bandwidth they have, especially if they have jobs and other kids and any health concerns of their own or aging parents. Or they are perimenopausal and their memories have turned to mush. It’s not personal.