birthday disappointment and I'm feeling sorry for myself.

[Anonymous]

When I want nothing, I mean I want nothing. You didn't mean it. You wanted some attention, you got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I turned 50 this weekend. My husband asked a week ago if I wanted a party or a gathering and I said no as that is not my style. So he bought me a pie at the grocery store. We said down with the 2 of 3 teenagers who were home at the time and I had a piece of pie. We had two friends stop by and they shared the pie with us.
That was it. No cards, gifts, etc except my parents sent me a card. Many friends checked in by text and phone.
I think I messed up because I didn't specify to my husband that I would have liked a gift or for my teenagers to acknowledge my birthday.
No, I didn't want a party but I also didn't want it to just be ignored.
Sometimes it's exhausting to have to plan everything but I know I have little room to complain if I didn't specify what it was that I wanted. So I have no real grounds to be hurt.
I'm 50 years old. Whew. Today is a new day.

You weren't ignored. There was pie and family time. Why can't you appreciate that?

You're 50. What gifts do you really need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. My DW is turning 50 in a year and I’m already stressing about what to do.

She is the most anti-party no-gift person, but this is 50!

You have every right to feel down.

When I turned 50, I started to value experiences far more than things. (Well, I did that a lot before, but I started VERBALIZING my preference). So if you want to do something special, find a good experience -- maybe a concert somewhere out of town (i.e. see the Eagles in Vegas at the Sphere if that's something that interests you -- or any other artist doing a residency). Even if the event doesn't coincide with the birthday itself, just get the tickets and make the travel arrangements.

Or, do a cooking class somewhere. Or a ballroom dancing class. Hell, even something like Axe Throwing or learn curling or something.

[Anonymous]

Happy birthday! Maybe tell your spouse you would like to do a belated birthday dinner at a restaurant with him and the kids?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I'd be disappointed too. "No party" doesn't mean you don't want it to be special.
I'm turning 50 in a few weeks and my husband asked months ago if I wanted a party. I said no. He asked me how I'd like to celebrate, and I said I'd like to do a weekend family trip to someplace I've never been before. I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen, that he's going to do a party instead. And of course he'll be upset if I take matters into my own hands and plan it myself.

[Anonymous]

Aww! Happy belated birthday. I turned 50 in the midst of Covid - and my birthday was like yours...but your hubby had no excuse. You said no party - but he should have gotten you a gift as should maybe your friends. I think you should tell your family that you want to plan a trip to celebrate being 50? Overall, though, it sounds like you have a lot to celebrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. A week ago? That's not enough time to plan for an event like this. Since you claim that is not your style, I would say you got what you asked for.

Also, be happy. You were surrounded by loved ones on a chill afternoon, sharing a special day with those who really matter. I think that is indeed special.

What event? She said she wanted a little more acknowledgement from her kids/husband. A gift, a card.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I was asked "do you want a party?" (a week ago). I said, "oh, no, I don't want anything big."

I didn't say that I wanted my 50th birthday to pass with the only acknowledgment from my husband or kids being be a piece of pie that my husband bought at Lidl at 10am when he bought groceries for the week. The friends stoping by were unplanned. They texted 10 minutes before and said "can we stop by?" That was lovely.

I didn't plan a dinner because that honestly wasn't necessary but it now seems like something I can do to salvage the situation and make myself feel better. I would have been happy with cards, notes, a gift, a plant, a walk as a family, a lunch, a dinner, or even a piece of pie if all of my kids were present.

I just felt overlooked on my 50th. I am grateful to have reached 50 and I am grateful for friends who texted and parents who are alive and many other things.

[Anonymous]

My mom celebrated one of her milestone birthdays for a full year. So she made extra fancy dinner plans and took a few extra trips to visit people in celebration of her birthday. It took the pressure off one day and one person being the celebration.

I don’t think anyone would advise getting your birthday cheer from a teenager…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I was asked "do you want a party?" (a week ago). I said, "oh, no, I don't want anything big."

I didn't say that I wanted my 50th birthday to pass with the only acknowledgment from my husband or kids being be a piece of pie that my husband bought at Lidl at 10am when he bought groceries for the week. The friends stoping by were unplanned. They texted 10 minutes before and said "can we stop by?" That was lovely.

I didn't plan a dinner because that honestly wasn't necessary but it now seems like something I can do to salvage the situation and make myself feel better. I would have been happy with cards, notes, a gift, a plant, a walk as a family, a lunch, a dinner, or even a piece of pie if all of my kids were present.

I just felt overlooked on my 50th. I am grateful to have reached 50 and I am grateful for friends who texted and parents who are alive and many other things.

So when you said no to the party I would have also said “I’d love to have pie with all the kids and maybe remind the kids to get me a card and write something in it because I’d really enjoy that”.

[Anonymous]

Happy belated birthday!

I just had a birthday (not as big of a milestone!), and was also a bit disappointed. My DH started asking me a while back what I wanted as a gift (never a party!), and I gave a few options. A few days before my birthday, he was still asking. I was like, wtf, you had months? So I sent him an idea (spa treatment). He said, ok well book it and I'll pay for it. So, I booked it. Then on the morning of, I asked if he'd pre-paid and he said no, he will etransfer me the $ after. Well wtf. So I have to come up with the idea, book it, and pay for it. When I got home he asked how much it was so he could "pay" for it, and I just said don't bother. I don't ever ask for anything, and always plan something nice for him. And he couldn't be f***ed to do anything. So yes, I understand, and it doesn't feel nice to feel unappreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I was asked "do you want a party?" (a week ago). I said, "oh, no, I don't want anything big."

I didn't say that I wanted my 50th birthday to pass with the only acknowledgment from my husband or kids being be a piece of pie that my husband bought at Lidl at 10am when he bought groceries for the week. The friends stoping by were unplanned. They texted 10 minutes before and said "can we stop by?" That was lovely.

I didn't plan a dinner because that honestly wasn't necessary but it now seems like something I can do to salvage the situation and make myself feel better. I would have been happy with cards, notes, a gift, a plant, a walk as a family, a lunch, a dinner, or even a piece of pie if all of my kids were present.

I just felt overlooked on my 50th. I am grateful to have reached 50 and I am grateful for friends who texted and parents who are alive and many other things.

First, in your own mind, you need to be clear on how you would like to be appreciated on that day. Second, you must communicate what you want. That is different than saying what you don’t want. If you are not clear in your own mind and in your statements, there is 0% chance that others will understand and do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom celebrated one of her milestone birthdays for a full year. So she made extra fancy dinner plans and took a few extra trips to visit people in celebration of her birthday. It took the pressure off one day and one person being the celebration.

I don’t think anyone would advise getting your birthday cheer from a teenager…

You standards are very low even for teenagers. They can and will do better when you clearly articulate and expect more from them. But as parents, you have to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. My DW is turning 50 in a year and I’m already stressing about what to do.

She is the most anti-party no-gift person, but this is 50!

You have every right to feel down.

That was my DH too, and I am not a big party person. Fortunately my bday falls in the summer, so we planned our summer vacation with teen DS around the date. For each hotel and/or nice dinner we had, when asked up front, "any special occasions?" We responded yes, a 50th birthday celebration. It was a wonderful week!

[Anonymous]

How does a husband do so little and think it’s acceptable? It doesn’t matter what you asked for or didn’t spell out for him. It’s a milestone birthday and I know you wouldn’t let his day slip by without doing something more for him than a pie.

Give a chance to make-up for it with a redo celebration. If that also falls flat, I’m afraid you have a dud for a husband.