Flakey friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a couple of “friends” like this. One, in particular, will text me out of nowhere (like after a year or more has passed with no communication). “Oh, I miss you! We really need to get together and catch up! Are you free sometime next week?” Then I’ll reply yes, love to see you too, etc. and suggest a date. Dead silence for another year, rinse and repeat. It’s so bizarre and rude. Not sure what is up with that.

Did I write this? I have this exact same friend. It’s become a bit of a joke to me. I know she has no intention of ever following through with plans with me, but she keeps initiating. Just don’t text me, it’s fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been flakey from time to time. I now recognize it as I really don't feel comfortable with that person for some reason. Now I just end the friendship bc I see there is a bigger reason I "flake" with that person and it's that we are incompatible in some way.

But the people on this thread are saying that the flakey friends will reach out later and act like nothing happened. I don’t think it’s the same as what you’re doing.

[Anonymous]

Drop them off - you don’t need people like that in your life.

Unless, for some reason you do. Then adjust your expectations with regards to these “friendships”.

[Anonymous]

I’m a flakey friend. We are working parents with busy kids and really no time for our own social lives st this point in life.

I think of my friends often, and want to reach out text or something but often at like 1am as I’m cleaning the kitchen when a text would be inappropriate. Sending an email is possible, but an email should have more content than “hey just think thinking of you, what’s up” so that has its own barrier to completion.

I hope to maintain these friends through the season of child rearing that I’m in, but I know that being in and out is not appreciated, but I hope to have some who hang on with me so I can rekindle these old friendships once my life is less spoken for.

This is one lesson I give my daughters, as I feel so isolated — make sure you structure your life so you have time for yourselves — which means basically you need to make sure the mom has time to be the social center of the family so needs a part time or flexible or no job. I have a demanding 60 hour week job, with 3 kids and a DH who is slightly more flexible, but he’s useless for developing friendships for us as a couple I’ve found, and most of our neighbors and friends coordinate through the moms.

[Anonymous]

Guessing I'm in the flakey category. Constantly juggling my parents being in and out of the hospital. Have a child with mental health issues that they would like kept private for now. Full time job, house upkeep for my house and often my parents house. I drop the ball sometimes, or find it hard to commit to things as I'm often suddenly needed elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a couple of “friends” like this. One, in particular, will text me out of nowhere (like after a year or more has passed with no communication). “Oh, I miss you! We really need to get together and catch up! Are you free sometime next week?” Then I’ll reply yes, love to see you too, etc. and suggest a date. Dead silence for another year, rinse and repeat. It’s so bizarre and rude. Not sure what is up with that.

Did I write this? I have this exact same friend. It’s become a bit of a joke to me. I know she has no intention of ever following through with plans with me, but she keeps initiating. Just don’t text me, it’s fine!

+100
Is her first initial M by any chance?

[Anonymous]

I had a friend like this. It extended to her forgetting to turn up at my house for dinner parties and arriving hours late to a restaurant reservation. She was lovely but I couldn’t handle the lack of respect. I ended up dropping her as a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am flakey due to anxiety. Honestly I get it if people drop me, and they have. I can just manage so many things at once.

My friend has anxiety and is flakey. I never put the two together. Maybe that’s what is going on with my friend?

She doesn’t respond to me for weeks and when she does, does not acknowledge anything I said. But then tells me how grateful she is for me and for our close friendship. It’s hurtful to me, because it comes off that she doesn’t care about me as much as her other friends (and yes she does have other friends).

If she has the same reason you do, I wish she would just tell me flat out what is going on. You can and should your friends why you might be flakey. Maybe you wouldn’t lose so many friendships if you are open to being vulnerable to the people who show they care about you.

I have a friend who does this, and she has depression and anxiety. I let it go and hope she will get better.