Flakey friends

[Anonymous]

What do you do about friends who have a patttern of disappearing and then popping up again? Do you tolerate it? Address it? Just ignore them?

For example, I have one casual friend who disappeared in the middle of a text exchange when we were making plans to meet for dinner. Then she texted a couple of months later, and we chatted a bit. I asked her if she wanted an item I was planning to get rid of, she said that she did but then disappeared when I suggested a day to meet up. Now she’s reached out a few weeks later. She never acknowledges these drops in communication.

Other casual friends do variations on the same pattern, basically leaving me hanging and then reappearing at some point later. Sometimes they do the “omg sorry, I just saw this!” thing, sometimes they apologize. I find it tiresome, but I also enjoy these people when they’re not flakey.

[Anonymous]

I am flakey due to anxiety. Honestly I get it if people drop me, and they have. I can just manage so many things at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about friends who have a patttern of disappearing and then popping up again? Do you tolerate it? Address it? Just ignore them?

For example, I have one casual friend who disappeared in the middle of a text exchange when we were making plans to meet for dinner. Then she texted a couple of months later, and we chatted a bit. I asked her if she wanted an item I was planning to get rid of, she said that she did but then disappeared when I suggested a day to meet up. Now she’s reached out a few weeks later. She never acknowledges these drops in communication.

Other casual friends do variations on the same pattern, basically leaving me hanging and then reappearing at some point later. Sometimes they do the “omg sorry, I just saw this!” thing, sometimes they apologize. I find it tiresome, but I also enjoy these people when they’re not flakey.

Tolerate? What are you going to do otherwise? Beat them up? Lecture them with contempt? Why would they talk to you again if you do either?

[Anonymous]

Just leave them hanging and disappear.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a couple of “friends” like this. One, in particular, will text me out of nowhere (like after a year or more has passed with no communication). “Oh, I miss you! We really need to get together and catch up! Are you free sometime next week?” Then I’ll reply yes, love to see you too, etc. and suggest a date. Dead silence for another year, rinse and repeat. It’s so bizarre and rude. Not sure what is up with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about friends who have a patttern of disappearing and then popping up again? Do you tolerate it? Address it? Just ignore them?

For example, I have one casual friend who disappeared in the middle of a text exchange when we were making plans to meet for dinner. Then she texted a couple of months later, and we chatted a bit. I asked her if she wanted an item I was planning to get rid of, she said that she did but then disappeared when I suggested a day to meet up. Now she’s reached out a few weeks later. She never acknowledges these drops in communication.

Other casual friends do variations on the same pattern, basically leaving me hanging and then reappearing at some point later. Sometimes they do the “omg sorry, I just saw this!” thing, sometimes they apologize. I find it tiresome, but I also enjoy these people when they’re not flakey.

Tolerate? What are you going to do otherwise? Beat them up? Lecture them with contempt? Why would they talk to you again if you do either?

Who said anything about beating people or lecturing them? When a friend like this reappears a few weeks after disappearing on you, do you ignore them, do you forget about it and carry on normally (even though this might be something that happens often with them), or do you talk to them about it?

[Anonymous]

Only two options IMO, block them and move on or don't block them, but do not attempt to meet up, make plans, suggest talking again the future.

[Anonymous]

They are not friends

[Anonymous]

Stop trying so hard. Only invite them to parties so if they don't show, you'll have others around. Don't invite them to anything one on one or that involves laying out money.

[Anonymous]

Many of my friends from this area are like this! I do think it’s a mental health issue that they are well meaning but can’t get it together. If you enjoy them and can tolerate the flakiness, then I would keep in contact with them but don’t get your hopes up. If you don’t enjoy them, then drop them. I don’t bring up their flakiness bc it also gives me grace to be flaky on occasion too.

[Anonymous]

Choose higher-quality people as friends.

[Anonymous]

Recognize that they’re flakey — and adjust my expectations accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am flakey due to anxiety. Honestly I get it if people drop me, and they have. I can just manage so many things at once.

My friend has anxiety and is flakey. I never put the two together. Maybe that’s what is going on with my friend?

She doesn’t respond to me for weeks and when she does, does not acknowledge anything I said. But then tells me how grateful she is for me and for our close friendship. It’s hurtful to me, because it comes off that she doesn’t care about me as much as her other friends (and yes she does have other friends).

If she has the same reason you do, I wish she would just tell me flat out what is going on. You can and should your friends why you might be flakey. Maybe you wouldn’t lose so many friendships if you are open to being vulnerable to the people who show they care about you.

[Anonymous]

I've been flakey from time to time. I now recognize it as I really don't feel comfortable with that person for some reason. Now I just end the friendship bc I see there is a bigger reason I "flake" with that person and it's that we are incompatible in some way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about friends who have a patttern of disappearing and then popping up again? Do you tolerate it? Address it? Just ignore them?

For example, I have one casual friend who disappeared in the middle of a text exchange when we were making plans to meet for dinner. Then she texted a couple of months later, and we chatted a bit. I asked her if she wanted an item I was planning to get rid of, she said that she did but then disappeared when I suggested a day to meet up. Now she’s reached out a few weeks later. She never acknowledges these drops in communication.

Other casual friends do variations on the same pattern, basically leaving me hanging and then reappearing at some point later. Sometimes they do the “omg sorry, I just saw this!” thing, sometimes they apologize. I find it tiresome, but I also enjoy these people when they’re not flakey.

Tolerate? What are you going to do otherwise? Beat them up? Lecture them with contempt? Why would they talk to you again if you do either?

Why would she talk to them again? Yes tolerate or drop them as friends