Is this a midlife crisis? Depression? Just normal aging?

[Anonymous]

OP do you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you work?

OP here. Yes, why?

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m 50 and feel the same. I’m trying to figure out some hobbies and other activities. My work is very demanding and I don’t want it to take over my life. I’ll need to fight for balance.

[Anonymous]

I’m mid-40’s with middle schoolers and starting to feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M’am….i have a three year old body slamming on the couch while my six year old is screaming about some tv show…so enjoy what you have.

This is obnoxious. You just don’t even have any idea of understanding her because you’re not there yet. Her hard is different than your hard but still validly hard. Nobody with teens needs to hear from the preschool moms.

[Anonymous]

everyone here has different ideas of parenthood and what to do after kids go away to college/grow up.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any friends you enjoy spending time with, op? I'd start there.

[Anonymous]

This is why Pool Boys were invented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 45 and married with teens. Marriage and kids are good (normal issues, but nothing that seems out of the ordinary to me.)

I just feel sort of lost. Kids are not as dependent on me, but husband and I are still busy driving them and helping with homework, SATs, eventually college apps, etc. They are sweet kids but not as cuddly and rewarding as when they were younger and obviously they will forge their own lives (with any luck.)

I'm sort of wondering what the heck DH and I are going to do with the rest of our lives? We enjoy each other's company and both love traveling, but that doesn't seem like enough. I probably need a hobby, but don't even have any ideas. We've had lots of nice couple friends over the years, but they all seem to have moved away, divorced, drifted apart, etc. Some could definitely be rekindled.

I don't know what my question is. I guess I just sort of feel adrift. Is this normal or weird?

I feel the same, except I'm 44 with 1 in el and 1 in middle school.

[Anonymous]

OP, what you are experiencing is totally normal. I felt the same way as my youngest approached college. Based on my experience, my advice is to start thinking and acting now to claim time and space to pursue your own interests, whether that's a hobby, volunteering, doing new or different things with your husband, etc. I have five kids and put off pursuing my own interests and activities, only to find my kids starting college at the same time my parents' health took a significant turn for the worse. The"me time" I was expecting did not materialize, and the lack of outlets makes providing elder care even more soul-crushing. Make time to explore and pursue things that interest you now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you work?

OP here. Yes, why?

People think work is an elixir, and they assume if you work you won’t suffer from loneliness or lack of purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read a recommendation a while ago to think back to what you loved to do when you were 10 and try to get more of that in your life.

For me it was riding my bike and doing crafts. Now I bike regularly and I took up crochet.

I also got involved in a regular volunteer activity once the kids were more independent.

That'd be watching TV and eating junk food for me, with some piano playing thrown in there, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M’am….i have a three year old body slamming on the couch while my six year old is screaming about some tv show…so enjoy what you have.

Ah, the good ole days 😁

[Anonymous]

Do you have a job outside the home? If so, Can you recharge professionally (like expand into a new area, repackage your skills, etc)?

If not…well I think you need to figure out an identity that is not wrapped around being a mom. I say that with compassion, because it is very hard for some of us. But your kids are just going to grow further away, so you have to solve it without them.

[Anonymous]

I hear you! I am 51 and my first has just gone to college. DS will be there in a couple of years. I have an amazing job that is rewarding and challenging. I now also earn a lot of money and my job is flexible so I can travel a lot.

I think I need a hobby but can’t think of one I would enjoy. I quite like competitive fitness hobbies - I do boxing and weight lifting. But don’t think they are likely good fits for an ageing person.