Is this a midlife crisis? Depression? Just normal aging?

[Anonymous]

I'm 45 and married with teens. Marriage and kids are good (normal issues, but nothing that seems out of the ordinary to me.)

I just feel sort of lost. Kids are not as dependent on me, but husband and I are still busy driving them and helping with homework, SATs, eventually college apps, etc. They are sweet kids but not as cuddly and rewarding as when they were younger and obviously they will forge their own lives (with any luck.)

I'm sort of wondering what the heck DH and I are going to do with the rest of our lives? We enjoy each other's company and both love traveling, but that doesn't seem like enough. I probably need a hobby, but don't even have any ideas. We've had lots of nice couple friends over the years, but they all seem to have moved away, divorced, drifted apart, etc. Some could definitely be rekindled.

I don't know what my question is. I guess I just sort of feel adrift. Is this normal or weird?

[Anonymous]

I'm feeling the same, but for me, traveling and just stopping work will make me happier.

I am most happiest when I am traveling.

[Anonymous]

I am entering the excitement over an empty nest phase after feeling like you did. Deep in college apps now, and I am tired of work + cooking + chores + big teen stuff. I want a break and need a break. I am looking forward to not having to cook, working out more, painting more and generally worrying less about the day to day of four people and more about my own well being.

[Anonymous]

I read a recommendation a while ago to think back to what you loved to do when you were 10 and try to get more of that in your life.

For me it was riding my bike and doing crafts. Now I bike regularly and I took up crochet.

I also got involved in a regular volunteer activity once the kids were more independent.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely normal.

[Anonymous]

Normal, you are right in finding a hobby or two. Hopefully something your husband may enjoy as well. But also OK do do things separately as well.

[Anonymous]

1000000% normal op i feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

You need a hobby or something you’re passionate about, plus a cause to help out. You have focused your life around the kids and now it’s time to get reacquainted with yourself and your own dreams and goals.

[Anonymous]

It's just called getting old. You are not special or unique.

[Anonymous]

Volunteering can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 45 and married with teens. Marriage and kids are good (normal issues, but nothing that seems out of the ordinary to me.)

I just feel sort of lost. Kids are not as dependent on me, but husband and I are still busy driving them and helping with homework, SATs, eventually college apps, etc. They are sweet kids but not as cuddly and rewarding as when they were younger and obviously they will forge their own lives (with any luck.)

I'm sort of wondering what the heck DH and I are going to do with the rest of our lives? We enjoy each other's company and both love traveling, but that doesn't seem like enough. I probably need a hobby, but don't even have any ideas. We've had lots of nice couple friends over the years, but they all seem to have moved away, divorced, drifted apart, etc. Some could definitely be rekindled.

I don't know what my question is. I guess I just sort of feel adrift. Is this normal or weird?

Normal, except your normal has started much earlier than mine since your kids are teens. I had my DC at 42 so I had a toddler when I was your age. I'm now in my mid-60s and experiencing what you are experiencing. DC will graduate from college in May and then I will feel the effects of my empty nest even more since DC will start working and will have limited vacation time to spend with me and DH.

[Anonymous]

M’am….i have a three year old body slamming on the couch while my six year old is screaming about some tv show…so enjoy what you have.

[Anonymous]

girl your kids are teens not 5 you had years as they were babies to now older teens. if you are saying " oh when they were younger." ma'am this is 2024 us teens will not cuddle like that anymore. adopt a young child or a pet if you want smth to drastically mother

[Anonymous]

I'm 52 and my teen will graduate in 3 years. I will miss her, but I am so beyond excited at getting my kid-free life back. I had an awesome kid-free life. I did grad classes and classical music concerts and wine tastings and museum tours and cooking classes and lectures and I traveled. I learned to surf and sail and kayak and stand up paddle board. I hiked a lot and read more and volunteered for awesome causes. I cannot wait to have more time to do that stuff again. Also, my house and car will be clean. Damnit, I'm psyched for this.

[Anonymous]

What you are going through is very normal! I always worked even if not full time so I was always busy. When we became empty nesters I took up silversmithing and jewelry making as I always wanted to something creative. I have so much fun because I do trunk shows and festivals and meet very interesting people. My husband and I always had a great relationship and being empty nesters led to romantic weekends and international travel. I missed my kids being around but I knew college would be great for them and I had to let them go and be happy for them.