Why do people feel the need to get married if they don't want to have children?

[Anonymous]

Marriage is marriage. People with kids are not more married than people without kids. It’s the same commitment and institution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is marriage. People with kids are not more married than people without kids. It’s the same commitment and institution.

^^And I might add that getting married just to have children is a terrible idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Talk about your fears that your GF will change her mind about not wanting kids. But also acknowledge that you could change your mind too (I've seen that happen). Think about it: if you changed your mind and she was no longer fertile, what would you do? Would you leave her? Marriage makes leaving a bit harder.

I've seen a lot of people change their minds about kids in their 30s. If I changed my mind, and my husband had a vasectomy, I guess I'd see if he'd reverse it or just do donor sperm. If he didn't want kids, I'd divorce and either find a new spouse or just be a SMBC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tax reasons.
Health insurance coverages.
Being legal next of kinninnhealth emergencies so the hospital isn't trying to call a parent while life partner is right there.
Romance.
I never wanted kids. DH wasn't much interested and happy to go along with no kids. 43 years later we are both happy.

You're actually probably worse off from a tax perspective unless one of you doesn't work, which I would assume would be rare for a childless couple, especially one OP's age.

[Anonymous]

My parents got married with no intention of having kids because "it shows commitment." (My mom ended up changing her mind in her 30s.)
SIL and BIL got married for health insurance, otherwise they probably would have lived together indefinitely. No kids and no plans for them.
Cousin married his wife so they could visit the US more easily (he is expat.) No kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tax reasons.
Health insurance coverages.
Being legal next of kinninnhealth emergencies so the hospital isn't trying to call a parent while life partner is right there.
Romance.
I never wanted kids. DH wasn't much interested and happy to go along with no kids. 43 years later we are both happy.

Same here. Going on 30 yrs. Life is good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is marriage. People with kids are not more married than people without kids. It’s the same commitment and institution.

^^And I might add that getting married just to have children is a terrible idea!

This!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don’t want to get married because you think your girlfriend may change her mind about kids and then you’d be trapped.

People get married because they want to build a life together and want to be committed to one another in a binding way. legally, the process of acquiring and owning assets is simpler if you’re a married vs unmarried couple.

You seem like you don’t want to be committed to your GF if she changes her mind about kids, so you should not get married.

[Anonymous]

Why does OP assume she will be the one to change her mind? I know plenty of couples around the same age where they both said they wanted no kids, then suddenly they broke up and the man turned around, got married, and had kids with the next person. So much for not having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don’t want to get married because you think your girlfriend may change her mind about kids and then you’d be trapped.

People get married because they want to build a life together and want to be committed to one another in a binding way. legally, the process of acquiring and owning assets is simpler if you’re a married vs unmarried couple.

You seem like you don’t want to be committed to your GF if she changes her mind about kids, so you should not get married.

OP here. You have summed correctly. Our relationship is great currently we are on the same page. But those next steps which I feel are children and marriage are honestly uncertain. I know I don't want either and my gf doesn't as well. I may change because nobody can predict the future but I may change my mind. I am an only child and I do have a sizeable trust fund I can access so from a monetary standpoint marriage isn't going to make s difference. And I also have great health insurance. I may sound selfish because obviously I am in a great financial stage and not thinking how marriage may benefit my gf but that's not the case because she has her own money and assets as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP assume she will be the one to change her mind? I know plenty of couples around the same age where they both said they wanted no kids, then suddenly they broke up and the man turned around, got married, and had kids with the next person. So much for not having kids.

+1. Happened to my cousin and she has not received mentally. Her ex didn't want kids but 8 years later he has 3 kids and she has none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want kids don't be married. It's overrated. And she can leave at any time. Or wait until she is post menopause when her hormones are stable to marry her.

this is why.

Marriage is messier to breakup. So, if you want to leave yourself an out, don't get married.

Conversely, it's why women want a marriage. It shows more commitment.

+1 divorce is a legal nightmare but breaking up after 15 years, a house, vehicles, other money mingling and no court system to intervene is worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP assume she will be the one to change her mind? I know plenty of couples around the same age where they both said they wanted no kids, then suddenly they broke up and the man turned around, got married, and had kids with the next person. So much for not having kids.

+1. Happened to my cousin and she has not received mentally. Her ex didn't want kids but 8 years later he has 3 kids and she has none.

I assume that deep down one of them knows the relationship isn’t right so they don’t fully commit. Then they break up, find the right person, then suddenly do all the things they said they would never do.

[Anonymous]

spouse gets to be the medical decisionmaker
get to keep the house without probate if one of us dies
spousal privilege if we're asked to testify against each other
wanted to have a wedding
family support/recognition of our relationship
Social Security spousal/survivor benefits
to celebrate the fact that we can (we're a same-sex couple and got married when only a few states allowed it)

Not all of those were our reasons, but they are reasons people have. If you and your significant other don't want to get married, more power to you!

[Anonymous]

I am glad OP is thinking about this issue because I think men should think harder before asking for a woman to marry them. Judging from the fact that women are by far more likely to initiate divorce I think men should really know themselves well before venturing into marriage. A lot of men are not ready and honestly will never be ready for that commitment. And don't give me your anecdotal success stories good for you. But the truth is most men are failing at marriage. So it's worth asking whether they should still pursue marriage. Women are independent and self sufficient. They gain nothing from a man today. And I said it again nothing. I think women should rejoice that we are at the point in our society when they honestly don't need a man or marriage to thrive. If they want kids we all know the various means to get them. Money well they are doing well. Emotional support well they have better social networks than men and they think most men have unresolved ADHD/asd or whatever mental health flavour of the day that they want to attach to them.