Why do people feel the need to get married if they don't want to have children?

[Anonymous]

I am 28 and have been in a serious relationship for a year now. I don't want to have kids and my gf doesn't as well. We both independently have good salaries for our age. I make $190k and she makes $150k.

It seems like the next step is marriage. But we are both on the same page we don't want kids and or marriage. However part of me tells me that she may change her mind. Perhaps it's a sexist view that I have but I feel like most women want children and my gf isn't there just yet. If she changes her mind, our relationship will end.

Why do people feel the need to get married if they don't want to have children?

[Anonymous]

People are different.

[Anonymous]

To commit to each other for life is the only reason I can think of.

[Anonymous]

Tax reasons.
Health insurance coverages.
Being legal next of kinninnhealth emergencies so the hospital isn't trying to call a parent while life partner is right there.
Romance.
I never wanted kids. DH wasn't much interested and happy to go along with no kids. 43 years later we are both happy.

[Anonymous]

People get married all the time without wanting children.

Companionship
Legal protections
Tax benefits
Easier to build a life together and declare a commitment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tax reasons.
Health insurance coverages.
Being legal next of kinninnhealth emergencies so the hospital isn't trying to call a parent while life partner is right there.
Romance.
I never wanted kids. DH wasn't much interested and happy to go along with no kids. 43 years later we are both happy.

Don't people have most of what you listed on their own? OP already makes $190k at 28 which clearly put him in the top earners for his age. Assuming he has gold health insurance, family members he can put as emergency contact (you can put as many as you need so if ones isn't available another is), what else is marriage going to bring him if he doesn't want kids?

[Anonymous]

Some people just want that level of commitment. It doesn't seem that difficult to figure out.

[Anonymous]

OP is 28. I am not surprised he asked this question. Many of us in our 40s plus don't realize how much people's views of marriage have changed. If you look at data on marriage wow clearly trending down. And further our economy is slowly trending toward an economy catered to 2 person households who are not married.

[Anonymous]

Women can correct me if I am wrong, but for some women marriage is really the only way for them to be convinced that their bf is committed to them. Men have the reputation of being unfaithful and marriage is a way to get a man to commit. Of course some men will cheat even when married but it's not as easy and there are financial ramifications if divorce follows. It's very easy to get married the paperwork is like 1 2 3. However divorce is not early. Regardless of the cost you still have some paperwork.etc

[Anonymous]

If you don't want kids don't be married. It's overrated. And she can leave at any time. Or wait until she is post menopause when her hormones are stable to marry her.

[Anonymous]

It's a public confirmation of your commitment, not only between you two but within your family/community. To many people, that's important, even despite (or maybe because) of the risks of divorce.

Talk about your fears that your GF will change her mind about not wanting kids. But also acknowledge that you could change your mind too (I've seen that happen). Think about it: if you changed your mind and she was no longer fertile, what would you do? Would you leave her? Marriage makes leaving a bit harder.

[Anonymous]

I never wanted kids but did want to get married. I moved to the DMV for my husband and changed my whole life. Yeah I wanted the security of marriage in exchange!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want kids don't be married. It's overrated. And she can leave at any time. Or wait until she is post menopause when her hormones are stable to marry her.

this is why.

Marriage is messier to breakup. So, if you want to leave yourself an out, don't get married.

Conversely, it's why women want a marriage. It shows more commitment.

[Anonymous]

I am a woman who is married to a man. I was shocked when I realized I wanted to get married because I could not articulate a rational reason as I did not want kids. It took us a few more years to decide to get married.

He is my family and marriage was a way to formalize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a public confirmation of your commitment, not only between you two but within your family/community. To many people, that's important, even despite (or maybe because) of the risks of divorce.

Talk about your fears that your GF will change her mind about not wanting kids. But also acknowledge that you could change your mind too (I've seen that happen). Think about it: if you changed your mind and she was no longer fertile, what would you do? Would you leave her? Marriage makes leaving a bit harder.

+1 otherwise OP should get a vasectomy because birth control is not 100% effective.

And yes, this happens. She got pregnant; they agreed not to have kids, so she had an abortion. Years later, he changed his mind; she couldn't have kids anymore, so he dumped her for a younger woman who could have kids. She died of a broken heart.