My mom holds grudges but I am wondering if it keeps her young

[Anonymous]

We say mom has “Irish Alzheimer’s” - she forgets everything but her grudges.

Some of those grudges are over 60 years old 🙄

[Anonymous]

If holding grudges keeps you young, I must be immortal.

[Anonymous]

You cannot escape your genes, OP, so it appears that she doesn't have predispositions for early onset dementia, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes or auto-immune diseases. Lucky her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You cannot escape your genes, OP, so it appears that she doesn't have predispositions for early onset dementia, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes or auto-immune diseases. Lucky her.

Actually research by I believe Dean Ornish is starting to question that. He has even had some people REVERSE with proper diet and lifestyle. Genes only load the gun, environment may play a roll in whether you pull the trigger. That said, I think OPs mom's other lifestyle factors are what help her. However, we have to be careful what we call a "grudge" vs being socially savvy and not a fool. When some one screws you over a bunch of times, whether directly or passive aggressively, best to remember and not hang out with that person. I also think it's better to stop talking about it once time has passed, but if you are calling it a grudge because she won't see some friend or sibling or cousin and she has very valid reasons, I would use different language. It might be one of the ways she stays healthy is avoiding toxic people. That isn't a grudge, it's a smart choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We say mom has “Irish Alzheimer’s” - she forgets everything but her grudges.

Some of those grudges are over 60 years old 🙄

Fun fact: You don't have to be Irish to have this ability.

Oh, wait, it's not fun. Maybe we could get our moms together, though? Surely they'd both like to know who had done them -- or someone they know -- wrong at some point in history.

I love my mom, but this is not her most endearing trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Actually research by I believe Dean Ornish is starting to question that. He has even had some people REVERSE with proper diet and lifestyle. Genes only load the gun, environment may play a roll in whether you pull the trigger. That said, I think OPs mom's other lifestyle factors are what help her. However, we have to be careful what we call a "grudge" vs being socially savvy and not a fool. When some one screws you over a bunch of times, whether directly or passive aggressively, best to remember and not hang out with that person. I also think it's better to stop talking about it once time has passed, but if you are calling it a grudge because she won't see some friend or sibling or cousin and she has very valid reasons, I would use different language. It might be one of the ways she stays healthy is avoiding toxic people. That isn't a grudge, it's a smart choice.

I agree with this, maybe your mom is just smart and avoids toxic people. What is a grudge after all? Resentment from past insult or injury as the dictionary says. Perhaps your mom has learned her lesson and is not stupid/naïve/brainwashed to step into the same pile again and again. I avoid certain people, I'm sure they say I'm holding a grudge. But as they say, when people show you who they are, believe them.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother held grudges her whole life against her siblings. Her father was abusive and she had to help her mother escape and then survive, and none of her siblings would lift a finger to assist. She would ruminate about how useless they all were.
She lived to her mid 90s and was 100% sharp mentally the whole time. She was Polish btw. I think this trait bodes well for her, I'd rather be somewhat negative and have all my marbles than happy and demented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother held grudges her whole life against her siblings. Her father was abusive and she had to help her mother escape and then survive, and none of her siblings would lift a finger to assist. She would ruminate about how useless they all were.
She lived to her mid 90s and was 100% sharp mentally the whole time. She was Polish btw. I think this trait bodes well for her, I'd rather be somewhat negative and have all my marbles than happy and demented.

I think the only destructive thing here is the ruminating. Staying away from the siblings who wouldn't lift a finger is probably better for her health if they didn't take any accountability. Now we have therapy so we don't ruminate and can instead process. Regardless, a therapist would tell you if the person brings you misery and you don't have to see them, don't.