My mom holds grudges but I am wondering if it keeps her young

[Anonymous]

My mom is 80 and is in very good health. Very sharp mind and very sociable. She does however involve herself a lot in gossip with her friends and has a lot of very long standing grudges against people (50+ years) that still annoy her.

It has always worried me about her but now I am wondering if it is keeping her young? Like she still cares instead of just letting it go.

[Anonymous]

My mom is totally like this and it has bothered me for years but now I realize that it means her mind is still sharp and she can remember things from a long time ago so it makes me feel better about it. She is mid-70s.

[Anonymous]

It keeps her fire burning. I have a similar thing which keeps me going. Mine is more internal, private motivation.

[Anonymous]

The research would suggest what is keeping her young is likely spending time with friends. Also, genes interacting with environment could play a role. Does she eat healthy? How did her parents/siblings/relatives age?

Also, with dementia and Alzheimers (which I know she doesn't have), old memories last far longer than new so it's not a sign of health that someone has strong old memories. It is a good sign she still wants to be social and enjoys it.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps the people she holds grudges against were just extra terrible and she live on in good health out of spite.

Whatever gets you up in the morning. I think grudges are underrated.

[Anonymous]

Hello r u me?

[Anonymous]

She was never taught a healthy way to set boundaries and grudges is her unhealthy way of doing that.

[Anonymous]

I think it's true that having a purpose is related to living longer. It would be nice if she had a better purpose but there is probably no changing her at this age.

[Anonymous]

I think spite is the fire that keeps some people's engines burning longer than you'd expect. Like Trump or my great aunt who survived Stage 4 cancer in her early 90s, almost a decade ago.

[Anonymous]

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

In any event my mother is a miserable person too, and if longevity looks like that, I’d rather be dead thanks.

[Anonymous]

There's a reason the phrase "too mean to die" exists.

[Anonymous]

Did you ever take statistics, OP. If so, you know the phrase "correlation does = causation." I'm sure you have seen the interviews with old people who still drink, eat junk and maybe even smoke cigars at 100. Doesn't mean those things cause longevity. When they do research with large enough sample sizes and multiple factors that is when they are able to do analysis to see if it's just a correlation or may actually be related to cause.

[Anonymous]

Oops. Correlation does NOT equal causation. Drinking my coffee now and it has not kicked in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very sharp mind and very sociable. She does however involve herself a lot in gossip with her friends and has a lot of very long standing grudges against people (50+ years) that still annoy her.

It has always worried me about her but now I am wondering if it is keeping her young? Like she still cares instead of just letting it go.

She’s sharp and socially engaged, that’s the ticket.

[Anonymous]

I would think maybe she knows something about them that you don't. My mom refused to associate with a certain person and after they died, all kinds of dirty laundry came out.