Sophomore failing tests - how to handle

[Anonymous]

This is OP, so his grades overall are fine. A's and B's but they would almost all be A's with proper studying for the tests. He will not get into the colleges he wants with the B's though. I do think he is not focusing in class and yes I suppose it could be some level of ADHD but I really don't think it is. I think is he just not always trying and yes cutting corners, using google instead of reading the material, etc.

I like the idea of coming up with a plan together with set times, etc and going from there. Cutting down on sports next and then if its still not working maybe look into other things.

I just worry because he is much more motivated when its self driven, otherwise he feels like he is working for me and not for himself and thats self defeating.

[Anonymous]

F means he does not understand the material! And needs to study and more material will build on a bad foundation. If he is motivated by his sport then honestly he doesn't get to do it until his grades are up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an executive coach.

He is very resistant to things like this so while I have thought about it I think it will do more harm than good to his self esteem. I also don't really think its EF, but instead its him messing around too much. He isn't lazy and is very motivated with his sport and fitness but he wants constant breaks in between school, practice, etc and then is tired. (of course). He needs to start earlier I just don't know how much I should intervene. I do agree with PP that an F gives me the right but he will likely still push back.

I will add that he has moments of very hard work and self advocating with the teacher and when I meddle I feel like it upsets his motivation and he retreats. Thats where I am struggling with how to handle.

Don't couch it as "we are doing this b/c you can't" but as a "we are giving you tools they don't teach in school" (i.e., study skills). And as things get harder, the tools you need are different. Part of being an adult is knowing when to ask for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, so his grades overall are fine. A's and B's but they would almost all be A's with proper studying for the tests. He will not get into the colleges he wants with the B's though. I do think he is not focusing in class and yes I suppose it could be some level of ADHD but I really don't think it is. I think is he just not always trying and yes cutting corners, using google instead of reading the material, etc.

I like the idea of coming up with a plan together with set times, etc and going from there. Cutting down on sports next and then if its still not working maybe look into other things.

I just worry because he is much more motivated when its self driven, otherwise he feels like he is working for me and not for himself and thats self defeating.

I have a similar issue with my DD. There could be multiple things at play here:

1. I have an older kid now in college who was a straight A student in a magnet program. They said that they see so many kids distracted when they are supposed to be studying. DC has the ability to really focus and pay attention in class, and that is what gets the straight As, per DC. DC doesn't think they are that much smarter, but that they are able to really focus. They *really* care about their grades.

2. Having stated that, we have recently discovered that this DC may also have some eye issues when reading long texts. Now, that doesn't impact them doing math or science, by their own admission (they rarely have long texts to read in science). And this where easy distractions comes into play. We are getting DC some help with the eye issue.

3. The other thing might be text anxiety. I have a feeling DC has this issue, as they have general anxiety issues.

So, absent any learning disability, it may be a combo of distraction when supposedly studying (hence, not retaining the material) and test anxiety.

[Anonymous]

PP wrote:Get him an executive coach.

OP responded and wrote:
He is very resistant to things like this so while I have thought about it I think it will do more harm than good to his self esteem. I also don't really think its EF, but instead its him messing around too much. He isn't lazy and is very motivated with his sport and fitness but he wants constant breaks in between school, practice, etc and then is tired. (of course). He needs to start earlier I just don't know how much I should intervene. I do agree with PP that an F gives me the right but he will likely still push back

I will add that he has moments of very hard work and self advocating with the teacher and when I meddle I feel like it upsets his motivation and he retreats. Thats where I am struggling with how to handle.

Another PP chimed in and educates and wrote:
But the ability to stay focused on a task is itself EF! His inability to do that indicates an EF problem.

I was looking exactly for this response, thank you. Very obvious, OP.

Another issue perhaps complicating things is they dynamic you've established with him over time where he's snappy/volatile with you if you offer any inputs, which he clearly needs. Somehow that dance needs to be re-programmed so that he'll accept some input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s obviously not grasping the material if he’s getting Bs, C’s and Fs on tests. You can get him a tutor a couple times a week in multiple subjects to get his grades up. Or accept he is an average student and might be headed to community college. You are the parent - you decide what he needs and follow through.

Average students don’t need to go to community college unless they want.

How is anyone this ignorant. 80% of students who go to the thousands of colleges out there are average. I’m not saying anything about this kid’s ability but he will have hundreds of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, so his grades overall are fine. A's and B's but they would almost all be A's with proper studying for the tests. He will not get into the colleges he wants with the B's though. I do think he is not focusing in class and yes I suppose it could be some level of ADHD but I really don't think it is. I think is he just not always trying and yes cutting corners, using google instead of reading the material, etc.

I like the idea of coming up with a plan together with set times, etc and going from there. Cutting down on sports next and then if its still not working maybe look into other things.

I just worry because he is much more motivated when its self driven, otherwise he feels like he is working for me and not for himself and thats self defeating.

How is he getting Fs on tests and then still getting As and Bs? I am confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, so his grades overall are fine. A's and B's but they would almost all be A's with proper studying for the tests. He will not get into the colleges he wants with the B's though. I do think he is not focusing in class and yes I suppose it could be some level of ADHD but I really don't think it is. I think is he just not always trying and yes cutting corners, using google instead of reading the material, etc.

I like the idea of coming up with a plan together with set times, etc and going from there. Cutting down on sports next and then if its still not working maybe look into other things.

I just worry because he is much more motivated when its self driven, otherwise he feels like he is working for me and not for himself and thats self defeating.

In your OP you said this...Sometimes these tests are B's or C's, almost never A's and often the grades are F's.

How is a kid who often gets Fs ending up with As and Bs?

My son had some of these issues in middle school and we approached it with him as a problem to solve together. This is not acceptable, what do you think is going on and what do you think are some solutions. HE came up with the solutions. And then we helped him. His solutions for himself involved limiting screen time on school days (something we still have in place in high school), a white board planner for him to map out his week and when he had activities and when studying/homework would occur. He agreed and understood he could no longer leave it to the night before and he mapped out a schedule and followed it. We also got him a math tutor.

Start with the basic premise of Fs are not acceptable. The end. So what are you going to do about it. And then hold him accountable while helping hm. If he can't figure it out, no phone, no sports, no driving when the time comes. Basic level stuff needs to be handled before all those privileges.

[Anonymous]

The PP with the kid with text anxiety...how did you handle that? Is there is an underlying issue with my son this is what I suspect. It is then compounded by lack of preparation. He is very resistant to talking with someone...I have already suggested that.

Oh and grades are still OK bc most tests are C's (but these were tests he SHOULD have had A's on. Not hard and not a lot to study) which brings A's down and the last test was a pretty low F. But he had a 98 in that class prior so there was some wiggle room.

[Anonymous]

^ And yes, clearly he is not absorbing everything needed in class and classwork grades aren't tough bc they are usually open note.

[Anonymous]

I had a son like this. Also in private school, which I think matters to your situation. He was smart and barely tried in middle school but got all As. He never learned study techniques. A competitive private high school is so much different. It took him awhile to realize that what worked in middle school (review the night before, memorize the study guide) is not enough at his high school.
I’d use a resource at your school. There’s definitely an academic counselor or someone on staff equipped to help. And coming from them is better than anything you could suggest.
Do it now, because junior year is a whole step harder and he needs to learn how to study.

[Anonymous]

Don’t cut out the sports, cut out the screens!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t cut out the sports, cut out the screens!!

Agree. I would not cut my sons sports. Those are extremely important to his mental health. But the screen's and breaks need to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The PP with the kid with text anxiety...how did you handle that? Is there is an underlying issue with my son this is what I suspect. It is then compounded by lack of preparation. He is very resistant to talking with someone...I have already suggested that.

Oh and grades are still OK bc most tests are C's (but these were tests he SHOULD have had A's on. Not hard and not a lot to study) which brings A's down and the last test was a pretty low F. But he had a 98 in that class prior so there was some wiggle room.

It's interesting, public schools have moved to the tests being most of the grade and As on homework not being able to save grades. Who knew private schools were this cushy. Your kid should not be able to get As and Bs in class if getting Cs to Fs on tests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To get As on the homework and then literally fail the test is odd. Is he cheating on the homework? Or does he have crippling test anxiety that he is hiding from you?

Lots of what you say sounds like inattentive ADHD so I’m not sure why you would not investigate that.

Agree. My first thought was does he cheat on HW? But also sounds like ADHD.