Sophomore failing tests - how to handle

[Anonymous]

My 10th grade son is at a private high school where there are no retakes etc on tests and they generally count for 30-60% of the overall grade, depending on the teacher. His grades are almost always A's for homework, classwork etc and then he has a test and loses the A. Sometimes these tests are B's or C's, almost never A's and often the grades are F's. This was the case freshman year as well but I felt like he was overwhelmed and stressed. This year he seems very relaxed and is clearly just not studying enough or paying enough attention to his classwork assignments to remember the material for the test. He wants good grades and to go to a good college and works hard-ish but it's not consistent and again, the F's!

Sometimes he comes to me with his studying, but it's usually late and always the night before the test. He often needs my husband to review math (his teacher is not good this year but husband is great at math so it's a natural resource) but he will also get angry when I suggest studying earlier or more, and depending on the day will turn in wrong math homework instead of making sure he knows the material by reviewing at home. He doesn't like me to ask questions or micromanage which I understand, but I also cannot tolerate these low test scores. Do I demand he do better, force study time, punish if a low grade comes in, etc or so I let him tank his college options and let him figure it out himself? Even 1 low quarter grade will hurt the possibility for an A for the year and it's hard for me to watch, esp when I am paying for him to have smaller classes and teacher support that he is not taking advantage of. Help.

[Anonymous]

if you are failing you dont get to tell me not to micro manage you

[Anonymous]

Get him an executive coach.

[Anonymous]

if you were able to do it your self you would now here we are ...so do what i say... give me your phone, ipad and everything else and lets come up with a plan on how we are going to tackle this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him an executive coach.

He is very resistant to things like this so while I have thought about it I think it will do more harm than good to his self esteem. I also don't really think its EF, but instead its him messing around too much. He isn't lazy and is very motivated with his sport and fitness but he wants constant breaks in between school, practice, etc and then is tired. (of course). He needs to start earlier I just don't know how much I should intervene. I do agree with PP that an F gives me the right but he will likely still push back.

I will add that he has moments of very hard work and self advocating with the teacher and when I meddle I feel like it upsets his motivation and he retreats. Thats where I am struggling with how to handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an executive coach.

He is very resistant to things like this so while I have thought about it I think it will do more harm than good to his self esteem. I also don't really think its EF, but instead its him messing around too much. He isn't lazy and is very motivated with his sport and fitness but he wants constant breaks in between school, practice, etc and then is tired. (of course). He needs to start earlier I just don't know how much I should intervene. I do agree with PP that an F gives me the right but he will likely still push back.

I will add that he has moments of very hard work and self advocating with the teacher and when I meddle I feel like it upsets his motivation and he retreats. Thats where I am struggling with how to handle.

Take away his phone when he comes home and make him do his HW downstairs---otherwise he will just screw around on his laptop--youtube, etc. instead of doing work.

[Anonymous]

He’s obviously not grasping the material if he’s getting Bs, C’s and Fs on tests. You can get him a tutor a couple times a week in multiple subjects to get his grades up. Or accept he is an average student and might be headed to community college. You are the parent - you decide what he needs and follow through.

[Anonymous]

To get As on the homework and then literally fail the test is odd. Is he cheating on the homework? Or does he have crippling test anxiety that he is hiding from you?

Lots of what you say sounds like inattentive ADHD so I’m not sure why you would not investigate that.

[Anonymous]

another vote for take away the phone - i recently reverted back to limited screen time during the week for my high schoolers - they have to have at least two hours away from their phone every night - give it to me and i start a timer - go get work done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To get As on the homework and then literally fail the test is odd. Is he cheating on the homework? Or does he have crippling test anxiety that he is hiding from you?

Lots of what you say sounds like inattentive ADHD so I’m not sure why you would not investigate that.

homework is likely graded for completion and not actual correct work - not everything is a diagnosis - tell him to put down the electronics and get to work

[Anonymous]

If the sport is getting in the way of studying, in our house the sport would be the first thing to go.

He can exercise on his own to keep up his fitness; but if he’s too tired or over-scheduled to study, then it’s time to take the season off and establish some good study habits.

[Anonymous]

Is he having trouble (bad grades) in all of his classes or just math? Have you spoken to his teachers for their thoughts and advice? You could hire a tutor or pull him out of sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an executive coach.

He is very resistant to things like this so while I have thought about it I think it will do more harm than good to his self esteem. I also don't really think its EF, but instead its him messing around too much. He isn't lazy and is very motivated with his sport and fitness but he wants constant breaks in between school, practice, etc and then is tired. (of course). He needs to start earlier I just don't know how much I should intervene. I do agree with PP that an F gives me the right but he will likely still push back.

I will add that he has moments of very hard work and self advocating with the teacher and when I meddle I feel like it upsets his motivation and he retreats. Thats where I am struggling with how to handle.

But the ability to stay focused on a task is itself EF! His inability to do that indicates an EF problem.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a combo of distraction and that he hasn't figured out what he needs to do to prepare for tests. For my son I would help him make a weekly plan on Sundays so if he had a test Thursday we would put down that he would study Mon, Tues, Wed night.

It sounds basic but he really hadn't figured that out. We also set times that he does homework on weekends. It helps to have a beginning and end time for the session. I have also occasionally shut off the internet if he has an offline thing so he can focus.

[Anonymous]

This sounds so much like my son, except he’s a freshman. A’s on homework but fails tests. He did manage to get an A in a few quizzes but it’s so inconsistent. He is definitely very bright, or at least used to be, his cogat was in the 99th percentile and he was always far advanced in elementary but it seems like everyone caught up. He himself asked me to take his phone way from him the minute he gets home from school. I don’t micromanage at all but I wonder if maybe I should, at least until he figures it out. He had him preliminarily tested for inattentive adhd but his teachers seemed to think he was fine even though I used to get calls all the time about his forgetfulness. I still sometimes wonder if I should have gotten a second opinion. All I can say is he does better when I study with him and check over his work consistently. Of course I can’t do that long term, I have a job and other kids. I’m thinking about a daily online tutor to help him with a schedule. Yes he plays sports but we are keeping him at a lower level than he should be to keep it from consuming our lives. I am also going to have him meet with his counselor because they said they can help with high school rigor and study skills. I told him to stay after school for homework help too. I hope he figures it out before the first quarter.