Having kids in your 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did IVF for my first, they were born the day after I turned 41

My second was a surprise baby and they were born the year I turned 42

I am now 55 with a 12 and 14 year old. ; )

How do you feel energy wise with teens at that age?

Another different poster; 57 with a 14 year-old. It’s fine.

Really important to stay in good physical shape though, for the energy.

This area is atypical as far as parental age; I don’t stand out at all. Back home (midwest) women more often have children much younger.

One thought though: have you had DH tested? I would take him in right away for a semen analysis before TTC. Men can also face issues with age; better to know upfront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both 41. I have a 15 year old from a previous relationship, he doesn’t have children. He thinks he will regret it later in life if we don’t have one. I thought i was done with ine child, always wanted more but went through a divorce and then didnt meet current dh til 2 years ago. Im open to the idea but scared of what this would mean. One not even sure i can conceive at this age, but let’s say i could: a baby in your 40’s is really hard, i love my current flexibility, traveling when we can and freedom when our teen finishes highschool in 2 years. This would be a complete change and though i would also be sad for dh if he never gets to be a dad, i want a reality check and understand pros/cons or anyone who’se done this

You should not have married until you discussed this in depth. If you didn't want another child and he wants one, then you should have let him go. Honestly. What happens if you can't have a child?

Make sure you want one not just to make DH happy. It is not good if you get pregnant to make someone else happy. It doesn't work.

You also are different from others who didn't have kids in their 20s and 30s. You did, so think hard about having another 18 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an only that I had at age 41. She's now looking at colleges. She's the best thing that ever happened to us. I had no trouble conceiving. Go for it!

But you didn't have a 15 year old. I would say no because the gap is too big and your son may feel left out.

Oh, boff. My older brother - 15 years my senior - was out visiting my son in his new city (recent college grad). I'm 61, kid is 22, brother is 76 and runs triatholons. Younger son is HS senior.

[Bartlebythescrivener]

Lots of hope in this thread. I'm an unmarried, career focused 39year old, but I still want to have children.

[Anonymous]

Had a 3rd at 41 when my wife was 38. Having a baby when you have a 15 year old will be much easier than having 2 or 3 young children, as many older parents do. But as others mentioned, with 4 years between oldest and youngest, we will have kids at home for 22 years or so. For you it will be 33 years or so, so a much longer stretch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did IVF for my first, they were born the day after I turned 41

My second was a surprise baby and they were born the year I turned 42

I am now 55 with a 12 and 14 year old. ; )

How do you feel energy wise with teens at that age?

I am 55 with a 15 yo and 18 yo.

My kids don't deplete my energy. Not since hands-on days which stopped in mid-elementary school.

My husband has had some recreation-limiting injuries because he pushed sport hobbies too hard in his 30s and 40s. That's affecting winter sports. But it's not purely age driven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both 41. I have a 15 year old from a previous relationship, he doesn’t have children. He thinks he will regret it later in life if we don’t have one. I thought i was done with one child, always wanted more but went through a divorce and then didnt meet current dh til 2 years ago. Im open to the idea but scared of what this would mean. One not even sure i can conceive at this age, but let’s say i could: a baby in your 40’s is really hard, i love my current flexibility, traveling when we can and freedom when our teen finishes highschool in 2 years. This would be a complete change and though i would also be sad for dh if he never gets to be a dad, i want a reality check and understand pros/cons or anyone who’se done this

Very similar story. I'm 41 with a 15yo. Just broke off an engagement with someone without kids because it's getting more difficult to imagine starting over. However, autism ran in his family and the fear of starting over with a special needs kid was a real concern for me. You're already married and if you believe he would be great to coparent with, I'd probably go for it and maybe give yourself a timeline to try. I had concerns of us growing apart.

My teen is so helpful and independent now, so I understand.

Are you open to more kids?

Only in the most optimal of situations. I was a struggling, single parent and still have emotional scars from that time. I suspect that my ex was also on the spectrum and began to question if he had the emotional capacity to support me in trying times. I don't know if its feasible now, but I'm not completely closed off now. I do think its highly unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids at that age are fine if you have a great partner.

This exactly. If your partner is not on the same page or difficult then the answer to this question is no.

[Anonymous]

Had twins at 40. It was fine! I will say that it helps that I was in good shape/health. It is physically demanding to have children later in life. They will exhaust you physically and mentally. Worth it though x 100!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both 41. I have a 15 year old from a previous relationship, he doesn’t have children. He thinks he will regret it later in life if we don’t have one. I thought i was done with ine child, always wanted more but went through a divorce and then didnt meet current dh til 2 years ago. Im open to the idea but scared of what this would mean. One not even sure i can conceive at this age, but let’s say i could: a baby in your 40’s is really hard, i love my current flexibility, traveling when we can and freedom when our teen finishes highschool in 2 years. This would be a complete change and though i would also be sad for dh if he never gets to be a dad, i want a reality check and understand pros/cons or anyone who’se done this

You should not have married until you discussed this in depth. If you didn't want another child and he wants one, then you should have let him go. Honestly. What happens if you can't have a child?

Make sure you want one not just to make DH happy. It is not good if you get pregnant to make someone else happy. It doesn't work.

You also are different from others who didn't have kids in their 20s and 30s. You did, so think hard about having another 18 years.

We did talk about it before marriage and he was okay not having kids. This has changed recently where he started thinking that he’d miss out if he doesn’t even try having one, which opened the conversation again. If we can’t have kids together, he will be at peace with that decision if he knows we tried and it didn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

I am a 48 year old with a 6 year old and an 18 year old.

Pros: so much love, snuggles, siblings love one another, i am more financially independent now and can afford having a kid more

Cons: exhaustion

[Anonymous]

47 yo with a 5 yo.

all good - my older kids exhausted me in my 30s and the younger one is equally exhausting in my 40s.