Getting a break when there are no options!

[Anonymous]

When your husband is home, have him stay with your child and you go get a hotel room, preferably for two nights (with late afternoon check-in and morning check-out, one night doesn't often feel like enough).

[Anonymous]

Im single with a 2 year old. I use my annual leave to get a day off here and there when I need a break and to catch up. Getting a babysitter is more stressful because it costs money, means I need to clean up first and still plan dinner, get myself out of the house etc. I also have some friends who would let him sleep over at their house if I really needed it- but havent done that yet.

[Anonymous]

What do you think single moms with primary custody do OP? You either suck it up, get family to help, get a sitter or some kind of other childcare, or or occupy your kid with a movie. Surely it’s not so hard to figure this out. Be grateful you aren’t solo parenting all the time.

[Anonymous]

Realistically you’re not going to have an evening alone at home unless your kid is sleeping somewhere else.
So, alone options are taking a day off from work on a school day. Or you hire a sitter to get your kid from school and stay thru bedtime, you go out out during this time and do what you like and come home after bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Your husband will be back. This is temporary.
Just power through.

[Anonymous]

You have one kid and a husband who is coming back. Hire a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

OP can you suggest that your DH and DC do a dad's night out at some point when he's in town -- they could go to a soccer match or basketball game and get dinner out and that would give you hours to do what you want to do.

I do think part of this is about wanting to be home alone at night. Not in a hotel room and not taking a sick day and not relaxing after your kid goes to sleep but just alone in your home in the evening. I don't know why this feels so different but it does. I went from my childhood home to college to roommates to living with my DH to having a kid and only lived 100% alone for maybe a year total and not even continuously so there is something about being alone in my home at night that just feels special and nice to me and always has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I so hear you, OP. That’s me right now.

It took many years of arguing and effort, but I pushed back on how DH took advantage of the flexibility that my backstopping gave him. No more last-minute departures where he leaves me with his unwashed laundry and a messy kitchen. No more leaving a day early because the flights are easier or give him more miles and he can squeeze in an extra but unnecessary meeting.

When he goes on a trip, unless it’s a true work emergency (rare), he gases up both cars, does the big grocery run for the entire week and puts everything away, empties his hamper, puts away all his headphones/paper mess/hoodies/man debris, and tidies the yard. I realized that the resentment of being left with his mess made it impossible to do 24/7 parenting while he was gone.

Also, I usually do all of the setup/chores for the next day (depending on when he leaves) ahead of time so I have time to watch part of a movie or read on night 1. That way I feel like I’ve gotten a tiny bit of something for myself before I get slammed by the hamster wheel of responsibility.

Oh my gosh I would love this. My husband is usually working extra before he travels writing up the presentation and doing his work that he would normally do during the time he’s gone so by the time he leaves I’m already behind on everything and a little resentment already plus he has usually left a mess. But when he’s traveling he often has a full day of meetings plus taking clients out to dinner so I don’t know that it’s totally fair to expect a movie or a night off when he’s away. Sadly for me it’s worth it for him to take the later flight or whatever to come back and not be a total disaster because I get really frustrated when he comes back and collapses and I feel like the maid service after being on my own for days!

[Anonymous]

Drink

[Anonymous]

My best friend is divorced and her 7yr old daughter never stops talking and constantly wants someone to engage in pretend play with her. This is how she copes.

Declare a weekly movie night - where your kids watch a movie in PJs after dinner - and you catch up on email or read a book on a kindle.

Look up YMCA, local Parks and Rec, or indoor play places for a “parents night out” where you can drop off your kid for 3-4 hours.

Reach out to your local neighborhood FB group or list serve for a middle school age “mothers helper” to come play with your kid for 2 hours on a weekend morning or after school one day a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sort of sinking here. My DH is currently traveling a lot for work. We don’t have any family nearby since we moved. DC just started a new school and has no close friends.

I just want an afternoon and evening in my house alone, where I don’t have to be interrupted to make dinner or put a kid to bed. I want to just have the house to myself to do whatever I want and not be bothered. I feel like my time isn’t my own. What do you do when you feel this way?

This is a problem money can solve. Don’t be cheap and your husband should support it as it allows you to sustainably support his travel schedule.

[Anonymous]

Definitely hire babysitters. My 16 year old loves kid and is an amazing babysitter. My 14 year old is learning the ropes and has been a mothers helper (you’re at home. They play with your kiddos and watch them during dinner etc). Bonus that you can pay mother helpers less, if you’re right on money. But you still get a break. My kids do not care if your house is clean. Ask around! There are good teens out there that can help you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really understand the issue. Do any of the things PPs listed here or wait until your husband gets back and have him take care of your child while you get an afternoon and night off.

Is the real issue that you’re sad and lonely after the move, maybe? That’s understandable.

[Anonymous]

Just call in sick and take the day. I'm a single mom and that's what I do. You're not going to have to put your kid in bed forever, it's just a few weeks? Just relax. Try some meditation after your child goes to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand the issue. Do any of the things PPs listed here or wait until your husband gets back and have him take care of your child while you get an afternoon and night off.

Is the real issue that you’re sad and lonely after the move, maybe? That’s understandable.

That's a good question cuz I don't see why it's so urgent to have 1 free evening in just a few weeks? It's only very temporary.