No dates anymore

[Anonymous]

Have you ever planned a date and payed for it? Maybe he's just tired of having to plan and pay for all outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the first 4-6m my boyfriend used to plan fun dates. We’d go out to dinner, to a performance, or do an activity together, and he would really make an effort. Now it’s all dinner at home, walks outside, sometimes tennis. He’s a great guy; kind, honest, supportive and respectful and we take care of each other. Sex is not the best I’ve ever had but the best he’s ever had and good enough for me.

Unfortunately I feel like he is always stretched thin financially and it shows. He makes a decent salary but has child support obligations and a lawyer to pay. He does things himself that a higher earning person would outsource (like cleaning or home repairs) that reduce our available together time. He has never given me a gift although I do give him gifts (small ones though, like under $50 though will spend $300 for his birthday).

There are always other men who will entertain you and buy you things…. till there aren’t. Can we ask what exactly do you bring to the relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I think that if we were redirecting energy and money towards different mutual goals I would feel more positive about the shutdown.

His priority is to fulfill his financial obligations to his children, as it should be. You’ll come second to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever planned a date and payed for it? Maybe he's just tired of having to plan and pay for all outing.

I was just going to say OP should start planning and paying for dates.

I’ve been with Dh for 20 years. He earns high income but I plan most everything we do whether it is our dates, vacations, kid events, parties at our house, etc. if I waited for him to plan, we would do nothing.

[Anonymous]

You're not a good long term match.

Doesn't mean you are he are bad people. You just aren't a good fit.

You want a relationship where you can enjoy a certain lifestyle .
You want a gift giver.
You want a guy who takes the lead on planning stuff nothing wrong with that
Sure you could try and talk to him and mold him into that type of guy but it's likely not to work and you'll constantly be trying to get him to step up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever planned a date and payed for it? Maybe he's just tired of having to plan and pay for all outing.

I was just going to say OP should start planning and paying for dates.

I’ve been with Dh for 20 years. He earns high income but I plan most everything we do whether it is our dates, vacations, kid events, parties at our house, etc. if I waited for him to plan, we would do nothing.

Same.

[Anonymous]

How often do you see each other? It sounds like he puts if dates because he has to clean his house? That part would concern me. Are you satisfied with the amount of time you spend together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not a good long term match.

Doesn't mean you are he are bad people. You just aren't a good fit.

You want a relationship where you can enjoy a certain lifestyle .
You want a gift giver.
You want a guy who takes the lead on planning stuff nothing wrong with that
Sure you could try and talk to him and mold him into that type of guy but it's likely not to work and you'll constantly be trying to get him to step up.

This ^^ is the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not a good long term match.

Doesn't mean you are he are bad people. You just aren't a good fit.

You want a relationship where you can enjoy a certain lifestyle .
You want a gift giver.
You want a guy who takes the lead on planning stuff nothing wrong with that
Sure you could try and talk to him and mold him into that type of guy but it's likely not to work and you'll constantly be trying to get him to step up.

All true but I also want other important non material things on which he delivers an instantly.

[Anonymous]

^abundantly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He obvious doesn’t meet your financial expectations. Keep digging.

Keep digging for gold, gold digger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I think that if we were redirecting energy and money towards different mutual goals I would feel more positive about the shutdown.

He’s putting his money towards support of his children. They’re never going to be a mutual goal of yours. Sounds like he has his priorities straight and you don’t. Move on, you’re already starting to resent him.

[Anonymous]

Bigger problem then all of this mentioned is that it doesn't seem like you two talk about these matters and really all that intimate. If he has come out and said all this to you (and it isn't you just speculating), would you feel differently? Seems like a lack of intimacy here as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not a good long term match.

Doesn't mean you are he are bad people. You just aren't a good fit.

You want a relationship where you can enjoy a certain lifestyle .
You want a gift giver.
You want a guy who takes the lead on planning stuff nothing wrong with that
Sure you could try and talk to him and mold him into that type of guy but it's likely not to work and you'll constantly be trying to get him to step up.

All true but I also want other important non material things on which he delivers an instantly.

Find a guy who does both drop the scarcity mindset

[Anonymous]

Seems like you should stick to dating this guy since you like it when he is dating you, but don’t move into relationship territory until he’s more flush. Also keep your options open and date others so you can potentially find your financial fit faster while you wait for #1 to level up.