Why do I feel like I am making my own homecoming plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should seriously consider your own motivation - for why it would occur to you -- to make a group text --- of parents??

Just guard against injecting yourself (or any parent should) where they don't belong.

It's messy. It's like heading cats. But it is up to the kids to arrange (and close to fail at this)

Yeah I do not understand the fear of letting the kids fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn't fly in my house. I need plans made in advance, confirmed with parents.

The mom sent the text to make driving plans and confirm dinner reservations. There are 4 driving legs to this and a group of 15-20 kids so there has to be some parent coordination.

America has become such a weird place.

Op here. This is new to me. I was at the high school and this dance seems to be a big cause of stress to the kids and parents who don’t have plans.

My kid has a core group of 5 friends. Those friends have friends. Some have dates and then those dates have their own group.

I’m worried there is going to be a lot more people at my house than I am expecting. We have a large basement, family room. When my kids friends come over, they usually hang out in kids bedrooms, basement or family room if Dh and I are upstairs.

We have alcohol in many places in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn't fly in my house. I need plans made in advance, confirmed with parents.

The mom sent the text to make driving plans and confirm dinner reservations. There are 4 driving legs to this and a group of 15-20 kids so there has to be some parent coordination.

America has become such a weird place.

Op here. This is new to me. I was at the high school and this dance seems to be a big cause of stress to the kids and parents who don’t have plans.

My kid has a core group of 5 friends. Those friends have friends. Some have dates and then those dates have their own group.

I’m worried there is going to be a lot more people at my house than I am expecting. We have a large basement, family room. When my kids friends come over, they usually hang out in kids bedrooms, basement or family room if Dh and I are upstairs.

We have alcohol in many places in our house.

You wondered upthread why there were more kids coming to the afterparty at your place than going to dinner and now you're finally starting to get it OP!

Not many parents are comfortable hosting afterparties cause they can often lead to trouble - drinking, drugs, smoking, vaping, sex, you name it. There will definitely be fewer after parties than get togethers before the dance and that makes them hot commodities! You need to get a handle on this quickly and either shut the whole thing down or come up with very specific directions and requirements for the party.

I would suggest capping the number of kids and only allowing close friends as a start. I'd also choose a firm end time and do a complete sweep of your home to lock-up or otherwise secure all alcohol, prescriptions or anything else that could be used inappropriately. Remember, it's your home and you are liable if anything bad happens. If you're the least bit uncomfortable with managing and accepting that risk, you should not host.

[Anonymous]

You set boundaries. I hosted when it was just girls or just boys for my son, but I don't host co-ed. There is more likely to be alcohol snuck in and you need to check on things now and then to make sure nobody is hooking up if you have a basement with a guest bedroom. I know this because my brother and SIL hosted a HOCO gathering and had to ask a couple to leave who were getting very intimate in the basement bedroom. This involved calling the parents and letting them know what he walked in on.

If I have to drive anyone anywhere I tell my teen the limit and the date I need to know by in case I need to clear space. I don't play when it comes to dramatics. It is just Homecoming. It's meant to be simple, fun and uncomplicated.

[Anonymous]

OP, please gather up and lock up all the alcohol now. Sounds like there may be a reason the kids want your house to be the party house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn't fly in my house. I need plans made in advance, confirmed with parents.

The mom sent the text to make driving plans and confirm dinner reservations. There are 4 driving legs to this and a group of 15-20 kids so there has to be some parent coordination.

America has become such a weird place.

I raised three kids and none of them were interested in this craziness. All have managed to be well educated and well adjusted without me ever micromanaging their social lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please gather up and lock up all the alcohol now. Sounds like there may be a reason the kids want your house to be the party house.

Op here. This is not a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please gather up and lock up all the alcohol now. Sounds like there may be a reason the kids want your house to be the party house.

Op here. This is not a party.

NP but it sounds like the after party and you already said you don’t know who’s coming. Word is out that people are coming to your house. I don’t know the type of kids these are but this is the #1 reason we don’t host these things. They can get out of hand. We don’t want to be responsible if someone uninvited shows up or sneaks in their own alcohol if we hide ours.

As for the other mom who stared the awkward parent group text, reply that your kid makes their own plans and you stay out of it. Silence the chat and don’t respond again. It’s inappropriate for parents to be involved like that.

[Anonymous]

Why are you guys still planning for our kids in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This year is not my first time experiencing HoCo as a parent and I can totally relate to the chaos!

DD and her friends - all smart, successful, reasonably grounded kids - take care of all the planning. Sounds great, right? Except it's always a total $h1tshow!

It seems to always start out as just a few girls getting ready together, and maybe dinner, before the dance. Then some kids get dates, that don't always have overlapping friend groups, who have already started making their own plans. And then, of course, others kids get invited or ask to join in, in some or all of the festivities, and things just snowball from there.

Every year it's multiple "getting ready" houses/pre-parties, separate public spaces for pictures, dinner before (or maybe after, with apps before?) an afterparty? or maybe a sleepover?... The list goes on and on, with plans made without any regard for proximity or logistics, that are being changed up to and through the very last minute.

In DD's circle, parents don't really get involved and seem perfectly content to be at their kid's beck and call all night as a chauffeur. I'd actually prefer a bit of coordination and encourage DD to help lock-in who's driving who to where, with some limited success.

this sums it up in a few words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please gather up and lock up all the alcohol now. Sounds like there may be a reason the kids want your house to be the party house.

Op here. This is not a party.

As a former teen who went to these parties I can tell you that it very much sounds like a party! Lock it down now OP, lots of posts here telling you how to do it now.