Why do I feel like I am making my own homecoming plans

[Anonymous]

There is a giant text group of people I don’t know. There are other moms who I know from elementary putting me in an awkward position because kids are coming to my house. My kid and his friends made their own plans but there are many parents we don’t know their numbers. The number of kids and number of people for reservations don’t match. Some kids have dates. None of these kids can drive.

Are other kids’ plans more orderly?

[Anonymous]

If I'm the host house for a group thing, I say to my kid "you can invite x number of people for x hours on x day and time. Please tell your friends both parents will be home and give them my number to pass on to their parents. They can text me if they need any info or to confirm anything." Generally one or two parents might reach out, especially if it's a late night.

Then I'll work with my kid planning food details and coming up with a shopping list. I ask them for a rough outline of activities so I have a better sense of when they'll likely be in the kitchen vs backyard vs family room etc. Then I'm out of it.

For something like homecoming where they might need rides, the kids coordinate it all and then sometimes parents will text each other just to confirm, but generally the kids do the work.

[Anonymous]

I refuse to do any of this. This is parent busywork weirdness. My kids have always made their own plans with other kids. All we did when they didn't drive was "can you pick up so and so?"

[Anonymous]

My DD and friends went to a HoCo last weekend. It was a small group, 3 girls, 3 boys. The girls got together to get dressed. The boys joined them later. They had arranged with parents to be driven to go get pictures taken, then to dinner, then to school. They even managed to call the restaurant to let them know they were running late, and to ask if they can hold their table What they did forget to do, was to figure out how to get home from school once the dance was over.

So very close to pulling the entire thing off without a hitch. Parents were not involved in any of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I'm the host house for a group thing, I say to my kid "you can invite x number of people for x hours on x day and time. Please tell your friends both parents will be home and give them my number to pass on to their parents. They can text me if they need any info or to confirm anything." Generally one or two parents might reach out, especially if it's a late night.

Then I'll work with my kid planning food details and coming up with a shopping list. I ask them for a rough outline of activities so I have a better sense of when they'll likely be in the kitchen vs backyard vs family room etc. Then I'm out of it.

For something like homecoming where they might need rides, the kids coordinate it all and then sometimes parents will text each other just to confirm, but generally the kids do the work.

They are having dinner before the dance and then coming to our house after the dance. The number of people who want to come is higher than the number of people on the dinner reservation.

[Anonymous]

This year is not my first time experiencing HoCo as a parent and I can totally relate to the chaos!

DD and her friends - all smart, successful, reasonably grounded kids - take care of all the planning. Sounds great, right? Except it's always a total $h1tshow!

It seems to always start out as just a few girls getting ready together, and maybe dinner, before the dance. Then some kids get dates, that don't always have overlapping friend groups, who have already started making their own plans. And then, of course, others kids get invited or ask to join in, in some or all of the festivities, and things just snowball from there.

Every year it's multiple "getting ready" houses/pre-parties, separate public spaces for pictures, dinner before (or maybe after, with apps before?) an afterparty? or maybe a sleepover?... The list goes on and on, with plans made without any regard for proximity or logistics, that are being changed up to and through the very last minute.

In DD's circle, parents don't really get involved and seem perfectly content to be at their kid's beck and call all night as a chauffeur. I'd actually prefer a bit of coordination and encourage DD to help lock-in who's driving who to where, with some limited success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This year is not my first time experiencing HoCo as a parent and I can totally relate to the chaos!

DD and her friends - all smart, successful, reasonably grounded kids - take care of all the planning. Sounds great, right? Except it's always a total $h1tshow!

It seems to always start out as just a few girls getting ready together, and maybe dinner, before the dance. Then some kids get dates, that don't always have overlapping friend groups, who have already started making their own plans. And then, of course, others kids get invited or ask to join in, in some or all of the festivities, and things just snowball from there.

Every year it's multiple "getting ready" houses/pre-parties, separate public spaces for pictures, dinner before (or maybe after, with apps before?) an afterparty? or maybe a sleepover?... The list goes on and on, with plans made without any regard for proximity or logistics, that are being changed up to and through the very last minute.

In DD's circle, parents don't really get involved and seem perfectly content to be at their kid's beck and call all night as a chauffeur. I'd actually prefer a bit of coordination and encourage DD to help lock-in who's driving who to where, with some limited success.

Another mom started the text chain but I don’t think she has all the right people. Also my house became the after party house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to do any of this. This is parent busywork weirdness. My kids have always made their own plans with other kids. All we did when they didn't drive was "can you pick up so and so?"

+1

WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to do any of this. This is parent busywork weirdness. My kids have always made their own plans with other kids. All we did when they didn't drive was "can you pick up so and so?"

Some parents rent a party bus, make reservations for dinner and definitely very involved.

[Anonymous]

That wouldn't fly in my house. I need plans made in advance, confirmed with parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn't fly in my house. I need plans made in advance, confirmed with parents.

The mom sent the text to make driving plans and confirm dinner reservations. There are 4 driving legs to this and a group of 15-20 kids so there has to be some parent coordination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I'm the host house for a group thing, I say to my kid "you can invite x number of people for x hours on x day and time. Please tell your friends both parents will be home and give them my number to pass on to their parents. They can text me if they need any info or to confirm anything." Generally one or two parents might reach out, especially if it's a late night.

Then I'll work with my kid planning food details and coming up with a shopping list. I ask them for a rough outline of activities so I have a better sense of when they'll likely be in the kitchen vs backyard vs family room etc. Then I'm out of it.

For something like homecoming where they might need rides, the kids coordinate it all and then sometimes parents will text each other just to confirm, but generally the kids do the work.

They are having dinner before the dance and then coming to our house after the dance. The number of people who want to come is higher than the number of people on the dinner reservation.

You need to sit your kid down and get some information out of him. Give him a head count. No one allowed in that he doesn’t know directly. Let him know that you will supervise.

Otherwise this is an invitation to a house party that can quickly get out of hand. Oh, and lock up your liquor.

[Anonymous]

Why are after parties necessary?

[Anonymous]

OP, you should seriously consider your own motivation - for why it would occur to you -- to make a group text --- of parents??

Just guard against injecting yourself (or any parent should) where they don't belong.

It's messy. It's like heading cats. But it is up to the kids to arrange (and close to fail at this)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn't fly in my house. I need plans made in advance, confirmed with parents.

The mom sent the text to make driving plans and confirm dinner reservations. There are 4 driving legs to this and a group of 15-20 kids so there has to be some parent coordination.

America has become such a weird place.