When your kid just isn't that good...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember this… nobody is “that” good.

Everyone is pretty average. Let her try her hardest unless lessons are prohibitively expensive.

Even the poster whose kid drags her out to practice on her own isn’t “that” good.

She enjoys it and has a passion. Be thankful for that.

I, uh, didn't say she was. I said lessons were worth it for her because she was willing to practice. I said she was naturally unathletic but the practice and lessons help her progress. Definitely wasn't trying to make her sound awesome, just passionate.

[Anonymous]

So my daughter plays softball. I know kids that weren’t they good and then they were. Does your daughter pitch for her team? My daughter is a pitcher and it requires a lot of extra work but it is the part of the game she loves the most. We never played C but pretty much all A and B pitchers are doing private lessons. And I know a lot of C pitchers doing privates, too actually. Where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my daughter plays softball. I know kids that weren’t they good and then they were. Does your daughter pitch for her team? My daughter is a pitcher and it requires a lot of extra work but it is the part of the game she loves the most. We never played C but pretty much all A and B pitchers are doing private lessons. And I know a lot of C pitchers doing privates, too actually. Where do you live?

Even older rec pitchers tend to take lessons. It's just not possible to keep up with hitters if you don't know proper pitching mechanics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 13 year old daughter who plays softball. She played rec for 2 years (4 seasons) in 10U and then switched to C level travel for 12U. The team is basically just the better kids from various respective rec teams - we have no prodigies.

Well now DD is convinced she needs private hitting and pitching lessons because others are improving more quickly than she is. We've tried it for a few months and honestly I just don't think its doing that much good. Her spot on the team is secure but she's very type A and likes to excel. This is not being pushed by us at all. I honestly don't see pitching in her future and think she should just focus on hitting and fielding and frankly just relaxing and enjoying the game.

Is there ever an acceptable way to tell your child they just aren't that good and need to just chill? I honestly think I would have told her awhile ago except that she has a lot of social anxiety at school and has friends but none close and I don't want to pile on. I am definitely her "safe space."

Help!

My DD started late to her sport and everyone wrote her off b/c of that, and she wasn't where others were (field hockey). We never pushed travel this or that. But she found this sport and loved it. She decided what she wanted and so we found a path for her to work at it (including private lessons and fitness training, and lots and lots of playing opportunities). She wasn't "the best" at first. She is one of the best now (in her peer group for what her goals were, not national level or anything) and is playing in college.

Don't write her off if SHE wants it.

[Anonymous]

If your daughter is asking for them and practicing at home on her own (or initiating you practicing with her) then it’s worth it to do private lessons. She’s passionate about it and you’re encouraging her passion.

She may blossom or she may realize it’s not the sport for her.

[Anonymous]

It's good that you are watching and evaluating her performance with an objective eye. Lots of parents see their DC sports performance through very biased eyes.

That said, here's a bit of a contrarian view. If she thinks she can perform at the top level through extra practice, consider researching and then sharing with her what the workout/practice regimens are of top players at the older age group. Then have an honest discussion about whether she is willing to commit to the "job" that playing sports at a high level requires even for gifted athletes. Make sure she understands that there are days where its going to be a grind and she can't take a day off just because she doesn't feel like it that day.

I'm not sure what the workout looks like for high level softball players, but in other sports it is usually team practice 2-3x per week (5x per week in HS), individual skills workouts (1-2x per week), individual strength workouts (1-3x per week), plus games 2x per week. Its a bit less if you are a level down from the top level teams, but its still work. When you put that list in front of a player the vast majority of them will understand that the sport they are playing is going to be the major aspect of their life and they will need to make choices about what they aren't going to be able to do to pursue the sport.

If she understands that and still wants to do it then you should absolutely support her. That level of grit is rare in most youth players and it is absolutely true that hard work overcomes a lot of athletic ability deficiency. If she understands but doesn't want to put that level of commitment in you can discuss what the appropriate level is and what it will cost and then proceed from there.

All that said, I don't think you should ever crush a younger child's dreams based on their performance at a young age. There are lots of college athletes who are playing today because they loved the sport more and just outworked other athletes who may be more athletically gifted than them. And if you listen to pro athletes and ask them what makes them different from others, they almost all talk about their work ethic first. Sure, a lot of them have natural ability but there are also some that just found a niche and maximized their ability to do a specific set of skills.

[Anonymous]

There's no point for C level kids to be on a travel team. It's just a money grab. C level kids should be playing rec. I personally would not waste money on private lessons for a C level 13 year old.

[Anonymous]

There is value in working hard to improve, whether the athlete is "good" compared to others or not. I would support this if it isn't a burden financially. Your daughter has a growth mindset and rightly believes that hard work will improve her skills. Let her discover the payoff!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no point for C level kids to be on a travel team. It's just a money grab. C level kids should be playing rec. I personally would not waste money on private lessons for a C level 13 year old.

Y'all need to stop denigrating C level teams. Yes, some may be glorified rec teams. Most are not. There are unlikely to be new players on a travel team; most of the girls will have played for years. They'll make most catches, they'll know how to bunt and where they're supposed to be on the field based on game play. Some, like DDs team last year, are playing C because they lack any good pitchers and it's really hard to win at B without at least one good pitcher. Some are outstanding teams (I have no idea how some of the teams at the East Coast C Championships could be classified as C teams.) It is absolutely worth taking private lessons if you want to improve at that level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no point for C level kids to be on a travel team. It's just a money grab. C level kids should be playing rec. I personally would not waste money on private lessons for a C level 13 year old.

Y'all need to stop denigrating C level teams. Yes, some may be glorified rec teams. Most are not. There are unlikely to be new players on a travel team; most of the girls will have played for years. They'll make most catches, they'll know how to bunt and where they're supposed to be on the field based on game play. Some, like DDs team last year, are playing C because they lack any good pitchers and it's really hard to win at B without at least one good pitcher. Some are outstanding teams (I have no idea how some of the teams at the East Coast C Championships could be classified as C teams.) It is absolutely worth taking private lessons if you want to improve at that level.

Classic delusional parent.

[Anonymous]

Buy a pitching and hitting net, 12 balls and a tee and have her watch youtube videos. Then you can see if she has what it takes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no point for C level kids to be on a travel team. It's just a money grab. C level kids should be playing rec. I personally would not waste money on private lessons for a C level 13 year old.

Y'all need to stop denigrating C level teams. Yes, some may be glorified rec teams. Most are not. There are unlikely to be new players on a travel team; most of the girls will have played for years. They'll make most catches, they'll know how to bunt and where they're supposed to be on the field based on game play. Some, like DDs team last year, are playing C because they lack any good pitchers and it's really hard to win at B without at least one good pitcher. Some are outstanding teams (I have no idea how some of the teams at the East Coast C Championships could be classified as C teams.) It is absolutely worth taking private lessons if you want to improve at that level.

I don't buy it. What B-level non-pitcher is going to stay on a C team with no solid pitchers? Those girls should all go find B teams if their hitting and fielding is at the B level.

Also for those who keep saying C teams are so great, I have seen C teams have a crazy strong record -- like 40 and 2 for the Spring with several of those wins being blowouts and then they move up to B and get absolutely crushed. If your kid is playing C, you don't realize how much higher the level of play can be in B.

[Anonymous]

Taking a broader perspective, what lessons are you hoping your daughter takes from the experience, as I assume that she is not going to be a professional in this sport. Our son, now college, was absolutely terrible at team sports. To the extent that I still remain grateful to his soccer coaches were there kind treatment of him and I’m so glad he had teammates who were supportive. He has always excelled in academics, in areas that require emotional to intelligence, and pretty much in every area other than team contact sports. I am so glad that we continued to support his efforts through middle school to try as hard as he could, with whatever support available, to excel in this area. Everything else has come pretty easily to him, so this was the area that gave him the opportunity to learn what it is like to work hard, and still not quite measure up, and work harder, and still not quite measure up, And to know how it feels to be that part of a team. To me, that’s a huge and valuable lesson and it has stuck with him.

All to say that, when it comes to these types of activities, don’t lose track of the ultimate goal. What do you want your child to take away from this that will apply to her future? Act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no point for C level kids to be on a travel team. It's just a money grab. C level kids should be playing rec. I personally would not waste money on private lessons for a C level 13 year old.

Y'all need to stop denigrating C level teams. Yes, some may be glorified rec teams. Most are not. There are unlikely to be new players on a travel team; most of the girls will have played for years. They'll make most catches, they'll know how to bunt and where they're supposed to be on the field based on game play. Some, like DDs team last year, are playing C because they lack any good pitchers and it's really hard to win at B without at least one good pitcher. Some are outstanding teams (I have no idea how some of the teams at the East Coast C Championships could be classified as C teams.) It is absolutely worth taking private lessons if you want to improve at that level.

If your rec league isn't like this, find a new rec league. My kids are in a situation right now where at my older DD's level this describes most kids (even the new ones) and has since 10U. My younger kids' age divisions look nothing like this and we're casually league shopping. Rec leagues that can bring kids up to this level absolutely exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no point for C level kids to be on a travel team. It's just a money grab. C level kids should be playing rec. I personally would not waste money on private lessons for a C level 13 year old.

Y'all need to stop denigrating C level teams. Yes, some may be glorified rec teams. Most are not. There are unlikely to be new players on a travel team; most of the girls will have played for years. They'll make most catches, they'll know how to bunt and where they're supposed to be on the field based on game play. Some, like DDs team last year, are playing C because they lack any good pitchers and it's really hard to win at B without at least one good pitcher. Some are outstanding teams (I have no idea how some of the teams at the East Coast C Championships could be classified as C teams.) It is absolutely worth taking private lessons if you want to improve at that level.

I think they all got bumped up to B by their local directors for 24-25.

I say that bc I'm a parent of one of the players on that team. They were C bc they were essentially a brand new team; 10 of the 12 years had only played rec before the year. But they wanted to improve. They put in the work all fall & winter and it paid off with a great finish to the season, and then they were (rightly) bumped up to B for their second year of 12U.

Which is 100% the point of C level softball. The person denigrating C level is an idiot. That story would have never happened if those girls had stayed in Rec or been forced to play B before they were ready.