When your kid just isn't that good...
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Anonymous
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I have a 13 year old daughter who plays softball. She played rec for 2 years (4 seasons) in 10U and then switched to C level travel for 12U. The team is basically just the better kids from various respective rec teams - we have no prodigies.
Well now DD is convinced she needs private hitting and pitching lessons because others are improving more quickly than she is. We've tried it for a few months and honestly I just don't think its doing that much good. Her spot on the team is secure but she's very type A and likes to excel. This is not being pushed by us at all. I honestly don't see pitching in her future and think she should just focus on hitting and fielding and frankly just relaxing and enjoying the game. Is there ever an acceptable way to tell your child they just aren't that good and need to just chill? I honestly think I would have told her awhile ago except that she has a lot of social anxiety at school and has friends but none close and I don't want to pile on. I am definitely her "safe space." Help! |
Anonymous
| I don't know, I might consider letting her get private hitting if she is asking. Maybe tell her to focus on one thing at a time and wait until she's in a pitching position to start lessons. If it's cost prohibitive say that and ask if she wants it as part of a holiday gift, etc. |
Anonymous
| Has she considered rowing? |
Anonymous
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Can you afford the private lessons? Does she enjoy them? If yes to both, why would you tell her she needs to stop.
No, I wouldn't tell my kid they're just not that good. She will figure it out all on her own without you saying it to her. If she is willing to put in the time and is committed and enjoys doing it and it's not a financial burden to you, then support her. |
Anonymous
| I would not mention her lack of natural talent and low prospects. Ask her if she would find the extra training enjoyable and go from there. Some people just like to improve at and master things, it doesn't mean they want or have hopes or going pro/making the olympics/being the goat... there is nothing wrong with getting better at a game you like to play |
Anonymous
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If she enjoys it and you can afford it let her do the extra lessons.
If not come up with a reason it’s not working without saying that she’s not good. |
Anonymous
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Maybe she'll coach one day. Or maybe knowing more about the game will help her in some way. You have no crystal ball. If you're willing to pay and are not inconvenienced, keep going with what she requests. I never would have agreed to travel-anything, but clearly you're ok with it.
I would make sure you're making her participate, in other areas, in school. School should be her main community. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I know you all are right. We can afford it. I don’t love the extra driving and time suck. I’ll just deal with it and keep my mouth shut. |
Anonymous
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Does she pitch for her team or just wants to learn? If she’s a pitcher, private lessons aren’t a bad idea. Every team needs pitchers and at 13 there’s still room for growth. If she just wants to try it out, I’d do hitting lessons instead, if you have the time/money. Even 2x a month (and get a hitting tee for the backyard so she can practice).
Another option would be lessons during the offseason. We do that- she maintains her skills and gets exercise. |
Anonymous
Are you sure the trainers are good? My “not that good” kid did private training, and the impact on his play was quick and dramatic. We switched trainers after he plateaued with the first trainer, and his play leveled up again in different ways. |
Anonymous
| NP. My kid who “wasn’t that good” at age 13 but who was very motivated and driven is now playing his sport in college on a good team. Grit and determination can carry kids far. |
Anonymous
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The advantage for girls in some sports - like softball- is that you don’t have to physically be “something” in order to participate at least through high school. You need not be, big, or fast, or able to do flips, or ….
Softball is a sport for lots of different types of kids. But, like any activity, you do have to work at it and practice. A lot. You don’t sit down at a piano the first time and play Mozart. That’s 10 years of lessons and 5,000 hours of practice later. Want to paint. Get started. Take classes. Paint a lot. Dance? Sing? Whatever. It’s lots and lots of work. The key though, as kids mature, is that they come to enjoy the work of getting better. No it’s not all “fun”, but there is satisfaction in completing a task that is hard, of realizing that You are just a little bit better than before. From the parent side - if I had a 13 year old daughter who liked softball and was okay but not any star I would; 1. Assess what is needed to play high school softball where she is likely to go. Go watch a couple games with your kid. Find out - are there 50 kids trying out for 20 spots? Is softball a big deal at the high school or not? Mostly softball fallls behind other spring sports so making the high school team is not that hard for kids who keep playing through middle school. 2. Help her get fit. Age appropriate fitness training will help her gain abilities and confidence in everything she does. Find a gym that works with teen girls. Also, get her swimming for fitness. Not to race (unless she decides to pursue that), but to get fit. And, of course, swimming laps for fitness turns kids into good, safe, swimmers. Always a very important factor. 3. Take batting/fielding lessons. Find the locations that are doing that, and get her going on some private (or very small group - tops 3) lessons. Then, at least once a week get her to a batting cage to work on her own. These are short sessions so you can do them on the way to something else. The reality is that you can’t hit with good form for half an hour. Do sets of 15 good swings and take a break. It’s all about form. After 10 minutes do sets of 10. After another 10 minutes do “at bats”. It’s important to maintain good form (or as good as you can get) rather than just taking a ton of swings. All of these things will help her first to make teams, and then second, play better. |
Anonymous
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So you said she has private lessons but you left out one key detail.
How much does she practice on her own/with you (yeah, more time suck) in between lessons? I have a 12 year old pitcher and she either drags a parent out to practice or goes on her own with a target 3 times a week outside of practice most weeks - sometimes much more, occasionally only 2. We do lessons every other week. She's improving, though not quickly. She's not a natural athlete and pitching well is a marathon, not a sprint. But the fact that she is dragging us out to practice with her rather than the other way around makes lessons worth it. And if you look on about the month-by-month level instead of the weekend-by-weekend level you do see progress. I know kids who took pitching lessons but never practice on their own. They don't improve. And it's a waste of time. |
Anonymous
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Remember this… nobody is “that” good.
Everyone is pretty average. Let her try her hardest unless lessons are prohibitively expensive. Even the poster whose kid drags her out to practice on her own isn’t “that” good. She enjoys it and has a passion. Be thankful for that. |
Anonymous
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Another question -- will lessons help her make her high school team eventually?
In my town, softball isn't that big a deal. But by the time they get to the large, regional high school, the only kids who make the team are those who've had a bit of private coaching. If she is hoping to make her high school team, this might help. |