Do you accommodate your kid’s rigidities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC age 3.5 wants to be tucked in a certain way, and if I do it wrong or the blanket gets messed up before he falls asleep, he will yell for me from his room and ask me to do it again and again.

Today I told him I wasn’t going to do that anymore and he threw an unholy tantrum.

Do you give in to things like this? He is usually pretty flexible but bedtime is when he is the most tired and rigid, but I just didn’t want to keep going into his room 2-3 times to fix a blanket. Tantrum was awful but I did not back down.

Did you tell him at bedtime?

Springing a change like this on a kid at a time when he is tired and rigid isn't the solution. Making a plan for gradual change, and sharing that plan at a time other than bedtime, maybe with a visual or a reinforcer, can be a solution.

[Anonymous]

Is he rigid or has he found an effective way to stall bedtime?

You could say " momma is only going to do one tuck ins tonight ..." And stuck too it 98% always room for exceptions illness, sadness etc

[Anonymous]

Imo all such bedtime requests are just about wanting you nearby and not wanting to fall asleep. I don’t think that’s quite “rigidity.” Like if you were in bed with him, would he fuss about the blanket?

I try to be firm but I always end up backsliding because of illness, new fears that I think are real, potty training, etc. Then I have to reclaim the boundaries and deal with some tears.

[Anonymous]

My DD was like this from 4-7 and still sometimes at 8. She is naturally assertive and self-centered but I had to stop giving in at 8. She used to scream at me to sit in a chair under her lift bed while she went to sleep. It was torture for me as it took 20-30 minutes and I could have been doing something else. Nip it in the bud early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was like this from 4-7 and still sometimes at 8. She is naturally assertive and self-centered but I had to stop giving in at 8. She used to scream at me to sit in a chair under her lift bed while she went to sleep. It was torture for me as it took 20-30 minutes and I could have been doing something else. Nip it in the bud early.

I’m sorry. Forgive yourself for feeling weak for giving into this. I have a kid like this too and I understand how being trapped this way develops. It feels impossible to nip it in the bud early when for others dealing with easier kids they say things like, “Just do it, they are only little once, it will stop” and then when it doesn’t you grow resentful and don’t know how to stop.

[Anonymous]

At 3, this is normal behavior. It will fade, so yes, I have in. What does it matter how the blanket is done, just do it. It will fade eventually.

[Anonymous]

It's a constant balance. I try to pick my battles and make sure I can win those battles. Or in other words I choose specific behaviors that I think my child is able and ready to change, and focus on them, and do not push behavior change that they are not ready for.