My Entire Life Has Revolved Around DH’s Job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a HUSBAND was complaining because his WIFE was talking to him about his day and he DID NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!

Wow, the man hating women here would destroy him.

The hypocrisy is so real it's sad.

You do realize each post is made by different people. The folks of DCUM are not a monolith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH acted like his job was his only priority in life for 25 years and counting. He essentially forced me to stay at home because he wouldn’t help with any drop offs, pickups or hiring child care. He didn’t do anything for the house, had never entered a grocery store, etc. He didn’t even make a lot of money, just a workaholic. Finally he gets a high paying position, only for the circumstances to change and he makes less now than he did 15 years ago. He never cared about the money or providing for his family. He gets some kind of rush from constant ( like 15 hour days) work that I have not figured out.

I have to come to terms with accepting that I was naive to think I could change him, and that I enabled his poor behavior. I advocated for myself but it was never successful in getting through to him.

I left him and now he can work all the time without a nagging wife and doesn’t have to spend time with his kids. I can barely survive because his income dropped so much from when we were married. He would do his job for free, he would pay to do his job. It’s a psychology I’ll never understand and wasted years of my life making his life better as mine got worse. He’s rewriting history that I was selfish and he was doing everything.

They never appreciate our sacrifices for their careers and ambition. Don’t continue to give without getting your needs met.

No, that's a choice you made because you're a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH acted like his job was his only priority in life for 25 years and counting. He essentially forced me to stay at home because he wouldn’t help with any drop offs, pickups or hiring child care. He didn’t do anything for the house, had never entered a grocery store, etc. He didn’t even make a lot of money, just a workaholic. Finally he gets a high paying position, only for the circumstances to change and he makes less now than he did 15 years ago. He never cared about the money or providing for his family. He gets some kind of rush from constant ( like 15 hour days) work that I have not figured out.

I have to come to terms with accepting that I was naive to think I could change him, and that I enabled his poor behavior. I advocated for myself but it was never successful in getting through to him.

I left him and now he can work all the time without a nagging wife and doesn’t have to spend time with his kids. I can barely survive because his income dropped so much from when we were married. He would do his job for free, he would pay to do his job. It’s a psychology I’ll never understand and wasted years of my life making his life better as mine got worse. He’s rewriting history that I was selfish and he was doing everything.

They never appreciate our sacrifices for their careers and ambition. Don’t continue to give without getting your needs met.

No, that's a choice you made because you're a doormat.

np pp it is always the woman's fault in your world , isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH acted like his job was his only priority in life for 25 years and counting. He essentially forced me to stay at home because he wouldn’t help with any drop offs, pickups or hiring child care. He didn’t do anything for the house, had never entered a grocery store, etc. He didn’t even make a lot of money, just a workaholic. Finally he gets a high paying position, only for the circumstances to change and he makes less now than he did 15 years ago. He never cared about the money or providing for his family. He gets some kind of rush from constant ( like 15 hour days) work that I have not figured out.

I have to come to terms with accepting that I was naive to think I could change him, and that I enabled his poor behavior. I advocated for myself but it was never successful in getting through to him.

I left him and now he can work all the time without a nagging wife and doesn’t have to spend time with his kids. I can barely survive because his income dropped so much from when we were married. He would do his job for free, he would pay to do his job. It’s a psychology I’ll never understand and wasted years of my life making his life better as mine got worse. He’s rewriting history that I was selfish and he was doing everything.

They never appreciate our sacrifices for their careers and ambition. Don’t continue to give without getting your needs met.

No, that's a choice you made because you're a doormat.

np pp it is always the woman's fault in your world , isn't it?

Np.

No but women typically make poor decisions in order to please men. It is a clear pattern.

[Anonymous]

Many men are inconsiderate jerks who do not care about their wife’s happiness, including career satisfaction

[Anonymous]

Same op 30 years too. If I could do this all over again...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same op 30 years too. If I could do this all over again...

Most likely, you would do it the same again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a person with agency. You may have let the current drag you along, but you could have spoken up or negotiated a different partnership sooner. If you're feeling attracted to somebody new, it's a very common logical fallacy to try to rewrite your marital history to give yourself a reason to act on those feelings. Of course, that will just introduce new problems into your life and marriage, rather than solving any.

It's OK to be disappointed that you let your husband take up so much space. Now that you see the situation clearly, you should determine what you want . . . without the distraction of another person.

Really thoughtful response

[Anonymous]

Some men work a lot chiefly to escape child care and other domestic duties, which are drainingly dull.