Can we say no to MIL bringing her boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

So you do not trust your MIL’s judgement to pick a decent man as her boyfriend but you trust her to care for your kids while you travel. That’s convenient. What does your husband want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overnight? No way would I want a new boyfriend of any care giving spending the night while I'm away from the kids.

It's not about MIL being and adult. It's about protecting your kids in your absence.

Tell her you're happy to have the whole family spend time getting to know her new beau but this isn't the time.

Ditto this for my response. Especially if you have young or female kids. And in this day and age, a man should respect that to protect his own reputation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you do not trust your MIL’s judgement to pick a decent man as her boyfriend but you trust her to care for your kids while you travel. That’s convenient. What does your husband want?

Tell me you don’t have kids (or are a crappy parent) without telling me you don’t have kids (or are a crappy parent).

[Anonymous]

I’d honestly be questioning my MILs judgement at this point for even asking. I’d try to arrange for different care at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I asked MIL to watch our kids (teens) while we go away. She has done this many times over the years. She likes to visit and see the grandchildren. Recently she has a new boyfriend and asked if she can bring him while she watches the kids.

Dh and I both prefer not. We prefer just MIL to come. I wouldn’t want her to bring a non romantic friend either.

Just say you are not ready for her bf yet but as you get to know him more maybe in the future. Or maybe just say not overnight with him but he can stop by during the day if that's your concern

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I asked MIL to watch our kids (teens) while we go away. She has done this many times over the years. She likes to visit and see the grandchildren. Recently she has a new boyfriend and asked if she can bring him while she watches the kids.

Dh and I both prefer not. We prefer just MIL to come. I wouldn’t want her to bring a non romantic friend either.

Just say you are not ready for her bf yet but as you get to know him more maybe in the future. Or maybe just say not overnight with him but he can stop by during the day if that's your concern

Also it sounds like you are trying to have the cake and eat it too by not paying for childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d honestly be questioning my MILs judgement at this point for even asking. I’d try to arrange for different care at this point.

This. It is never a good idea to let males unrelated by blood around your children especially in situations where they can be alone with your children.

An uncle of mine by marriage was caught on his lunch break seeking out a minor. If he had opportunity he would have taken it out on family.

[Anonymous]

You can definitely say no, but I would offer everything you can to lighten the caregiving load. Freezer prep all dinners, whatever else you can think of. Because this is a lot of childcare and she probably just wants another pair of hands.

It's not about her judgment really, it's that you barely know him and there may be things she doesn't know about him either.

[Anonymous]

Petty AF.

She's not an immature teenager. She raised your whole ass husband.

Are you trying to be the cool mom? Seriously, what actual adult says “AF” or describes a person as a “whole ass” husband? I’m embarrassed for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overnight? No way would I want a new boyfriend of any care giving spending the night while I'm away from the kids.

It's not about MIL being and adult. It's about protecting your kids in your absence.

Tell her you're happy to have the whole family spend time getting to know her new beau but this isn't the time.

This is the answer. Tell MIL you look forward for you and the kids to getting to know new bf. But until then, no.

[Anonymous]

Too many people are blinded to reality when first in a relationship. Parents have the right and should get to know the person who would be staying overnight BEFORE they stay overnight with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Two words for you: Alice Munro

[Anonymous]

So you want free childcare but don't want that person to be comfortable?

Good luck. Are you prepared to find alternate childcare if she backs out? Who else do you trust to watch your children while you are overseas? Would you rather cancel the trip or trust your MILs judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you want free childcare but don't want that person to be comfortable?

Good luck. Are you prepared to find alternate childcare if she backs out? Who else do you trust to watch your children while you are overseas? Would you rather cancel the trip or trust your MILs judgement?

If MIL is so codependent or so incapable of caregiving that she isn't comfortable without her boyfriend, even though she's done this several times in the past with no other adult, then yes. I would not want the free childcare in this situation and would cancel the trip or find other care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you do not trust your MIL’s judgement to pick a decent man as her boyfriend but you trust her to care for your kids while you travel. That’s convenient. What does your husband want?

So many women, especially older women, have blind spots or poor judgment where men are concerned.

OP I would be an absolute no. It’s super weird that your mom would want a new boyfriend who has never met you or your kids to stay at your house with you out of town.