Ladies: life before you met your husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was amazing and if it weren’t for biology, I would have loved to do it for another 10 years. I’m hoping to be lucky enough to have some sort of 2.0 version when kids are launched (DH can stay).

Haa!!

+1 to the letter.

[Anonymous]

LOVED it. Was happy, fun and thought this man makes me happy.....well everything u enjoyed about him dating seemed to disappear when married and it has been a long struggle since. I like him well enough but was overall happier and more myself single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, I’m having a difficult time dating. I’m not seeing any long term potential with the guys that I’m dating and honestly I’d rather remain single.

I’m looking for stories on how your single life went before you met your husband.
How’d you know he was “the one”?

I traveled the world, living and working for NGOs in different countries. I did several degrees. I lived in amazing cities and made lifelong friends.

I was not sure my now exH was the one. I decided to settle down at 30 because 1) I loved him deeply and 2) we both wanted a family. I was ambivalent about it, but I knew I wanted kids and it was time. The anger issues he had turned out 15 years later in midlife to be a sign of underlying mental health issues that broke our marriage. The kids are amazing, though.

Did he have anger issues at the time you met, or are you saying they develops 15 years later?

Some. But not to the unlivable degree that it developed.

In retrospect I should have not settled and accepted the “some.” Have done therapy since to address that issue in myself.

[Anonymous]

Single life was so much fun! Had a great group of friends that I had fun with weekly and traveled a lot.

Dating before meeting my DH was stressful and underwhelming. I wanted a serious relationship and was using OLD like it was second job. So many bad dates before meeting DH. Dating DH was fun - he was generous, thoughtful, and caring (unlike some past boyfriends and dates) and we had good chemistry. So glad things didn't work out with previous boyfriends who were less thoughtful.

Married life is good, but kids, home, dual-career household is not as much fun as the single life. Enjoy your time of fewer responsibilities (if you are looking to have kids one day). And, find someone who is all in for you and treats you right. Being single is better than being married to the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

After college I had a few BFs but none that were very serious. Yes, we had sex because that was just part of dating but I never saw a future with any of them. It wasn’t instant combustion with my now husband because we were friends but he really grew on me to the point where I thought he could be someone really special. An occasion arose to really connect and we did and I quickly knew he was the one. So, my single years were fine but nothing like the married years.

[Anonymous]

I didn't get married until I was 35. By the time I was 27-28, I figured I'd be single the rest of my life. I dated and had a BF here and there but hadn't met anyone I thought I could be with for the long haul. Would it have been nice, sure, but I was also fine being single. I had an exciting job that frequently took me to unusual places overseas, had a nice little apartment just the way I liked, had lots of friends, good social life, etc. Life was GOOD!

I met now-DH through a mutual friend. He tagged along on a group outing. I'd never felt such chemistry with someone! In addition to me finding him physically attractive, he had a warmth to him that really appealed to me. He was comfortable with me being 'smart', we had a lot of similar interests, liked doing a lot of the same things and he was emotionally available/intelligent. In fact, he was far less guarded emotionally than I was and I felt emotionally safe with him. I could really be myself. He was very different than what I thought was "my type". My previous type was more ambitious, more high powered, etc. Yet, those relationships never worked. Not to say that DH doesn't have aspirations. He does/did. He just doesn't see me as competition, celebrates my achievements and is comfortable in his own skin.

That was it for both of us. We've now been married 25+ years. But, I also would have been fine being single the rest of my life. Better to be single than with the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

I met my DH at 18 in college and we were friends (even dated other people). We started dating 4 years later and I knew pretty much right away I would marry him. But he led the whole way. He said I love you first, he asked how I felt about marrying him first, brought up children first. I had dated other men who talked about marriage and I knew each time that I wouldn’t marry them. It was very clear to me that my DH was the one and 14 years later, I love him even more. He is so kind to me and our children. He is wonderful and loving and good in bed. I feel lucky and I think most people should feel that way when they get married.

[Anonymous]

I very much wanted to be in a relationship, but that led to a string of a-holes in my early/mid 20s. Then I got to a point where I was just not having fun dating anymore. Closed down my online dating accounts (this was circa the 2010 before they were on apps). Focused on friends and fitness and travel and my career, etc. Decided I’d rather spend the evening reading a good book than on a bad date.

Then one night while out with a girlfriend I met my husband at a restaurant bar while waiting for our table. We kept making eye contact and eventually he bought me a drink and he asked for my number. I was 27 at that point. Totally happened when I wasn’t even looking.